GF Broke up with me coz her mom doesn't approve of relationship

[indrasaj]

Hey guys,
Just joined this forum and wants to understand from a female perspective, what I should do. please be patient as story might get a little long.

I started dating this girl back in June 2011. We're now both 27, and we hit it off very well. Over the past year there were ups and downs but I still love her alot.

The problem is that her mother does not approve and not comfortable about our relationship, mainly because we have different religion. This issue has never really bothered me, although I must admit I do have some worries too but with an open mind, there was nothing we both couldnt overcome.

However, the relationship has taken a lot of stress because my gf had to lie to her mom about us. She couldnt tell her that we're both seeing each other, not letting her know our activity, not able to join family activities etc. Being a family oriented person, this aspect is very important for her.

Her mother, is a single mother who raised her up by herself. They were divorced when my gf was 10, and she went through a rough childhood with her ex-dad being abusive. Nonetheless, she grew up into a fine young woman. The downside is that she loves her mom so much it breaks her heart if she has to lie about us.

Her mother can be unreasonable and overbearing too, yet my gf thinks that its her job to make her happy because thats what any filial daughter should do. So when she didnt approve of our relationship, she was just very uncomfortable being with her mom. Nonetheless, its been 1.5 years and we still see each other. We broke up many times, and got back together many times, all through the same reason.

I met her mom once, and in all fairness she said that I am a good person but we should just be friends. Any other attempts of me trying to persuade and face her mother was put down by my gf because she thinks its useless.

This morning we just broke up again. She just left me a text saying "I dont like the way I am now... Sorry i cant be there for you anymore. Its not making me a better person. I hope you will respect my decision to break up"

What should I do.. Should I still wait for her?

[basilandthyme]

No, don't wait for her. If she cant stand up to her mother at 27, shes never going to do it. Find a woman who is proud to have you as a partner and who's parents welcome you in their family.

[chammie]

Uh, if you can bear it, can you convert yourself to their religion? If it will solve the religion issue on the side of her mom and if you think SHE'S WORTH IT, why not do it, right?

Just make sure..OH JUST MAKE SURE... that religion is the ONLY reason why her mom does not approve on you before you make the move.

[indrasaj]

@Chammie, yeah I did mentioned about learning her religion. We are both very open about each other's beliefes too. But her mom was already too late to be uncomfortable about it. Sigh.

[pcmaster]

No point listen to mum. After 15 years she will ask why you both brake up and after answer she will say that dont remember such thing. Everyone once dies and gets forgoten anyway. However it sounds that your GF still lives with her mother - if so no wonder shes such a vegetable. And no wonder she's keept away from knights on white hourses.

GF wrote" Its not making me a better person" maybe she is just lack adventure, fun that you both had when love was wilder . Cant blame only mother in a break up.

[HeartIsAching]

Basilandthyme is right - if she's unable to stand up to her mother at 27 years old, she's hopeless. What do you want out of the relationship? Marriage and children? You really want a wife who's controlling mother is interfering in your family decisions all the time? That's just a recipe for disaster. Television comedy programs are written with that theme.

[michelle23]

She either has to grow some balls and stand up to her mom. If she really loves her, she will want her to be happy regardless of your religion. If she cannot stand up to her mother-a grown women at 27-she never will. Your better off meeting someone else who can accept you for who you are and not have to hide you from her family

[Boisdevie]

You have been wasting your time. Did it not seem a bit wierd that she was unable/unwilling to introduce you to her family as her boyfriend. Why did that not worry you before because I would not stand that from a girlfriend for 2 minutes. Stop being a doormat.

[rob1984]

dude, go to her mothers house and tell her " You are the barrier to your daughter's happiness" if you do not care for your religious beliefs... then just convert and move away with her.. if that is possible.. but it seems like there's no hope.. she has a huge attachment to her mother based on her divorce.. and her mother makes her daughter feel like she owes her, because she raised her alone. was a victim.. blah blah blah.. until that woman dies your gf.. will always be by her side.. at 27 yrs old.. she's an adult and should be able to function like one.

[LoveCanHurt]

If its a simple Christian type religion switch then you might look into her religion.
However its a really extreme religion type with issues that are hard for you to understand, it might be time for you to back off.
Have you taken time to look into her religion..and is its doctrine that different from your own beliefs??

[indrasaj]

I still want to belief that with love, patience, and kindness I can soften the hardest of heart. We are actually both ok when her mother doesnt interrogate her daily activity.

All of you guys are right. I just need to really set my step forward and decide what I need to do with this relationship. I dated a lot and I just think shes a great person/ catch and I dont want to have regret leaving her.

@lovecanhurt, chammie: Im a christian, shes a buddhist. Occasionally she will follow me to my church service. I also dont mind her having her buddhist activities.

Sigh

[toknow]

One of the biggest turnoffs to me is a girl who does everything with her mom. You have to remember, the relationship is between two people - it's not a threesome. Parents' advice is very important and one should listen to it, but one has to ultimately make their own decision because they are going to live with it, not the parent. And trust me you don't want a person who is ashamed of you, or hides your relationship from her parents. You don't want someone who is that insecure that they can't make up their mind about you. She has to believe in your relationship together, defend you in front of her parents, if you mean anything to her.

[toknow]

Trying to win over the mom by switching religions...lol...comical. I bet you her mom knows nothing about you and yet she doesn't like you and doesn't want you to be with her daughter. This alone shows her mom might never accept you, if she is so quick to make up her mind about a person she doesn't know at all. The mom is being selfish. The only requirement for her mom should be, that you treat her well and she is happy with you, everything else is selfishness.