Found a text in my husband's phone. How do I confront him?

[ourdestiny]

This is my first time here...and I'm in need of some advise, so let me just start by telling you that I've been in this relationship for 12 years, we're not legally marry but it really doesn't feel any different... I've always had 100% trust in him, I've felt the luckiest woman in the world all this years knowing that I can trust him completely and never had any doubts...until last night. For some reason I looked into his texts when he was sleeping, just out of curiosity...and I saw a text to one of his ex's from more than 20 years ago. whom I know and with who he still maintains a "friend" relationship, she has her own family already. She is a babysitter and I guess she sent him a text by mistake which was meant for the baby's mother...it was like this..

Her: The text was not for you sorry, it's the little girl I take care of, she has the flu...
Him: I have the flu too, can you babysit me?
Her: Oh that's horrible, take care of yourself...you need a wife!
Him: When are you divorcing?

I have no doubts that he loves me, he lets me know constantly and we hardly have any problems in our relationship. So I can't explain how I felt last night as I was reading this! I feel so stupid now for trusting him so much, I know or I'm 98% sure ( I wont's say 100% anymore) that we would not cheat on me, but what is this all about then? How do I confront him? I violated his privacy by checking his phone but what he did was so much worse! Please give me some advise! I don't want to bring this up and at the same time stay in the relationship, I think this will make him not respect me because he knows I allowed this in some way...??? I'm so confused, this is so new for me and devastating...!

[Wakeup]

What made you have this need to check his phone/texts in the first place? Has he been acting sketchy lately or something? Usually when someone's gut is telling them to snoop, there is a reason why?

The conversation sounds like a bit of flirty banter and probably is nothing to worry about but if it's got you this paranoid then why not tell him how the texts made you feel and could he explain? Don't let him change the subject without answering your question by turning the convo back on you for snooping. If he tries to do that then don't respond to him but rather steer it back to the texts.

[Scarlet_P]

Hi ourdestiny,

That text sounds just like a bit of banter to be honest. If you've taken the step to read his messages, and I shouldn't say this, but watch that space. See if anything happens over time. Keep a (very secret) record of what's going on, preferably heavily password protected online. But most of all, and it sounds like you do, trust him...the replies he sent are not encouraging this woman, so have heart.

Woman and men (if hetero) in friendships always have a bit of that going on. Personally, I'm not allowed to do that, but then I'm not allowed any female friends if they're in any way attractive, although my gf has plenty of male friends. He's a lucky guy to have a lady who trusts him, and not all men are b'stards! But a little curiosity, if only to set your mind at rest, is far better than losing sleep. I don't check my gf's social networking accounts or phone, but I hope for your sake nothing telling comes from it all.

[Guybrush]

Is this your only cause for suspicion?

If so, then I fully agree with the harmless, flirty banter conclusions.

It is still flirty enough for him to be embarrased if you let him know you saw it, though, so don't overreact if you see him turn red and awkward should you choose to confront him (I don't think you should, unless there are other more serious factors present).

[Starnique]

Flirting? You might as well damn near push him in her arms. She doesnt seem to be flirting with him. He clearly coming onto her. Just like with me and my friends Ex boyfriend. She was so passive and look what it got her.

[charm01]

Man in nature isn't loyal, 95% of men flirts behind your back. But that's how it goes, women are known for long patience. So not all that you see can be lies and truth, at times you have to trust your partner. And remember that confronting is an act of judging someone, while asking is just to confirm.

[michelle23]

If there are no other texts to or from her, then I think you have nothing to worry about.. Also check his last dialed etc. See if he has rang her or if she has rang him..
Why are you not married out of curiosity? 12 years is a long time and he still has not committed. Are you sure he is not waiting for something better to come along? Sorry to be blunt here but I think that is unusual...

If he still acts normal all the time and there has been no changes in his behavior-then yes, Id say you can trust him-for now. Never fully 100% trust a man though. People change...

[Boisdevie]

Never fully 100% trust a man though.

I'm really glad I'm not your BF. Any more useful advice you can give us poor guys who are so untrusworthy?

[michelle23]

I'm really glad I'm not your BF. Any more useful advice you can give us poor guys who are so untrusworthy?

I do trust my bf 100% but people change and things go wrong. I don't know if he will be the same in 20 years time do I? That's what I am saying. All I know is IF he ever hurts me-I'm gone... but right now I know he has a lot of integrity and that is good enough for me.

[Wakeup]

Why are you not married out of curiosity? 12 years is a long time and he still has not committed.

12 years living with her IS being committed.

This is an old thread, has Op even been back since the middle of January?

[smackie9]

I'm not legally married and I have been with my husband for 23 years. He can take half my s hit.

[smackie9]

This is an old thread, has Op even been back since the middle of January?

I already gave her s hit about it like two three times.....

[michelle23]

Somebody else commented on this thread today before me smackie and it came up in new posts. I am not going to read every date on every post

[smackie9]

We do respectfully.....it's not hard to do.

[Tyleer]

Simply put : If a couple of texts can break your 12 years worth of relationship, then you both never really shared anything special. Just because he sent a couple of texts to a girl does not mean he is going to cheat on you, he may just be having fun.

Also, if lets say you divorce him and find someone else, it may really get worse, then you will regret you left him.