ex girlfriend pulled the "I need time" card?

[spiritofjosh]

Yeah I can see that but it's only been two weeks since we broke up, not even. Me and a recent ex years ago broke up for two months and dated again for 3 years after until we finally ended it for good. I'm not saying I'm not following my own advice to try and leave her be and me do my own thing but if originally she wanted her space and time to herself I don't know if two weeks will really help her too much.

She texted me this morning and said she wouldn't feel awkward if I came to her birthday and that she just wouldn't want me to not have fun, after I told her to just enjoy herself and I'll call and wish her happy birthday. I mentioned in previous posts that although she doesn't use her facebook anymore she uses instagram and we follow each other. The majority of pictures she posts are all with her best friend or other female friends she spends time with. I feel like its normal for her to surround herself with her friends after our break up. She hasn't posted anything to make me feel suspicious of other guys or anything...yet.

Either way, whether she's trying to move on or isn't it still doesn't mean anything in terms with her ever wanting me back. So as I've been doing I'm trying to stay as clear as I can force myself.

[michelle23]

I dont think shes being fair to you here OP. She cant leave you in limbo wondering whether your coming or gping and right now she has all the power. I think you need to man up and do something about it. Put your feelings out there. What have you got to lose?

Just say to her, look i love you, your all i want but i am not going to sit around waiting forever. If you dont want me-tell me now so i can try to accept it and get over you or come back to me now and we will work through this together. Its one or the other so take your pick.

Either way at least youll know for sure

[michelle23]

She either has to accept your past, leave it in the past and concentrate on the present or accept that she cant do that and find someone who has less of a past.

[michelle23]

Also if this doesnt work out, the next time you meet someone be honest and upfront about your past to avoid getting into this situation again. That way she can decide for herself whether she thinks you really have changed or not and make up her mind about whether she trusts you or not

[spiritofjosh]

Good idea, the only reason I haven't as of yet is because I'm afraid putting my feelings out there so soon will push her further away or keep making her say "I don't know" because of me putting pressure on the situation. I figure since my birthday is a week after hers I might see how she acts then and that'll be my answer or a good way for me to open up to her. In that week I can also see more of her behavior without bugging her.

[spiritofjosh]

Also the fact she may say "i dont know" is basically saying she may be toying with me but who really knows. There were times where I felt the same about other people and weren't stringing them along and actually was seeing how to get a good look at our relationship without them physically being there.

[michelle23]

Id say give it another 2weeks and if she hasnt said she wants to make a go of it by then-take my advice and give her the ultimatum.

[spiritofjosh]

Id say give it another 2weeks and if she hasnt said she wants to make a go of it by then-take my advice and give her the ultimatum.

I will, it'll give her a chance to let everything out of her system like spending time and getting drinks with her friends, etc. One of her best friends lives in CA and came home for a while to spend time with her (we're from NJ) and that's who shes been spending time with, so I'm sure that's also a distraction on her end. If she brings up any new bewilderment to me I'm sure i'll bring it here haha.

[michelle23]

Keep us updated and good luck. Read Abbeys post on her. I just responded to it. If you read through them all it sounds like shes in a similar situation to your ex may help you understand her better.

[spiritofjosh]

Keep us updated and good luck. Read Abbeys post on her. I just responded to it. If you read through them all it sounds like shes in a similar situation to your ex may help you understand her better.

Actually this brings me to another question, and you have the best advice so far because you keep up with my posts and I'm very appreciative, so thank you. But since her birthday is tomorrow, her 21st, and I'm going to call her on my work break and say it. This will be better than texting obviously but we both hate phone conversations so we never really called each other during our relationship but texting will be a cop-out. I just don't know if I should try and see her or go out with her and whoever else on her birthday, I don't want it to have a undesirable effect on our relationship situation. And I will check out the posts you suggested.

[basilandthyme]

Also if this doesnt work out, the next time you meet someone be honest and upfront about your past to avoid getting into this situation again. That way she can decide for herself whether she thinks you really have changed or not and make up her mind about whether she trusts you or not

And a very likely outcome for this would be the woman coming online here and saying 'why did he tell me this? I don't want to know about his past" and a stack of people telling him he was an idiot for not leaving the past where it belongs.

Frankly, I also like to know the past....but unlike you, I won't hold the past against a man. There is no one-size-fits-all action. Everyone's needs are far too different.

[michelle23]

Going to ignore basilandtime or whatever her name is as i am clearly not judging here so whatever..

Im not sure. Maybe give her a ring to say happy birthday-turn up buy her a drink and tell her to enjpy her night with a smile on your face and leave again. Shell no then that you really do care but respect her need for space

[spiritofjosh]

Going to ignore basilandtime or whatever her name is as i am clearly not judging here so whatever..

Im not sure. Maybe give her a ring to say happy birthday-turn up buy her a drink and tell her to enjpy her night with a smile on your face and leave again. Shell no then that you really do care but respect her need for space

That works too. I'll find out her plans if any since it's a Monday night and go from there.

[michelle23]

Great let us know how how it goes

[spiritofjosh]

So I decided to just drop flowers off at her house with just a hand written happy birthday card. Nothing too personal I just said happy birthday have fun and that I miss her, nothing wild. I texted her after I dropped it off and she asked if I was still close or if I just left and it was a shame she couldn't see me at her door step. So we talked a little and I gave her my feelings outright and said everything but she said she's been just trying not to think about me and our relationship but isn't saying she doesn't have feelings for me anymore, that shes just pushing them away. She also said she'd have to see me and talk in person for her to get a clearer picture on her feelings so I asked if I could take her out on valentines day but she said she wasn't sure if she was up to it emotionally.

I don't feel terrible after talking to her but I guess there isn't anymore I can do at this point. I asked her again if she was just trying to find somebody else and she said she doesn't need anybody to be happy and wants to be alone to focus on what will make her happy and not a relationship if it's just going to disappoint her like ours ended up doing. I asked her to tell me straight up what I should do and she said she couldn't answer something like that because she still doesn't know what she wants.

I'm guessing the best advice is to move on, or at least try my hardest to not think or worry about her.