To Joe

[Junket]

Sorry to post such a...unhappy poem, but while I was talkin' to Juju the other night, I felt compelled to post this.

And I remember
the days when I wrote
of things I thought I cared for

and now, for once

And I remember
the games we would play
searching your yard under stones
there you are, under those stones

And I remember
the stories we'd share
your room at night we'd share
we had such plans
great plans
now I alone write them

And I remember
we'd laugh together
over our anecdotes
as I weep idley
over our memories

And I promise you
Joe
I'm not leaving you behind
Joe
I won't leave you behind
Joe

later Joe, I'll see you later

[Only-virgins]

It doesn't even rhym well!

[jujuBean]

i LIKE this. (I couldn't capitalise the first "I" because I needed to emphasize the "like", and I figured that I might as well not capitalise the "t" in "this" to make it that much more emphasized)

"And I'd remember
we'd laugh together
over our anecdotes
as I weep idely
over our memories"

I liked this the best. Aww.. It is sad. But it makes me wonder who Joe was? =/

It doesn't even rhym well!

Eh. But not all poems have to rhyme.

[Junket]

But it makes me wonder who Joe was? =/

A cousin who..."passed".

[Junket]

It doesn't even rhym well!

Wasn't supposed to rhyme.

In fact I don't like most poems that rhyme, they seem silly to me. I focus more on conveying my emotion in the poem not my l33t rhyming skillz.

[bohemiandonut]

First of all, I'm sorry for your loss. I'm glad you can express your feelings artistically, that is very healthy. Now on to criticism.

It's effective, I'll give you that, but only until you start repeating the name "Joe." I realize that was his name, but "Joseph" has a more poetic sound to it, don't you think? Or perhaps just lay off the repititions.

"Under those stones" works nicely, but your style is kinda choppy. With the emotion you wish to convey, it might make more sense for your writing to reflect your feelings. Do you really feel like Hemingway about this? If so, carry on.

Peace, brother.

[MaRTiaL RaGe]

It doesn't even rhym well!

roflmmfao (roll on floor laughing my motherf*cking ass off) We think soooo much alike

llllloooollllllerrskates!!





P.S.- i'm such an *sshole