He works so much. Should I not even bother? Help men!

[shortyrock]

Every day, for the past six months, I have been talking to a very good guy. He is respectful, considerate, and we hold
alot of the same short term goals. I've had lots of health issues over the past few months, which has inhibated us spending
lots of time together, but he has been there for me every step of the way. I am looking to settle down, which is
something we have in common, but I'm concerned his work schedule would cause problems if we were to be in a
serious relationship.

We work together, it's how we met years ago, but he works more hours than I do and our schedules don't mesh. That
and he just recently started coaching after work. He is great at his job and I love his drive, but I'm worried I wouldn't
see him enough. Most days, he doesn't get off of work until I'm getting ready for bed, and we only share one day a week
where we are both off from work.

He has mentioned many, many times how he would love to "come home to me", but even if we were to live together,
I would really only be seeing him for a few hours each day. (Seeing him around work doesn't count to me, we work
in seperare departments)

I would never expect anyone to change their schedule for me or for any relationship. He needs to work to support
himself, and he truely enjoys coaching. He's told me that his work schedule has been an issue in relationships before.
Uhg, is there any way around this? I *know* what sort of time I need from a man, and I won't put myself or him
in a position where we could get hurt over something I know already would be an issue.

He is just so wonderful and everything I could want in a man. Do I suck it up and get a hobby?

[basilandthyme]

Shortyrock, it's good that you're not rushing in wanting him to change. The fact that he says this has been a problem before - and it's still a problem now - means that change is not something he'd consider anyway.

Yes, you could suck it up and get a hobby. But also, fast forward to marriage and babies if that's a future you want for yourself. Would he be around enough to be a good father? Or would he be away most of the time the kids are awake? It's not just what you want for yourself - but also for future children.

[vashti]

Seeing him a few hours a day seems like a normal amount of contact to me.

[dem862]

There are plenty of unemployed men sitting around the house all day. Count your blessings.

[ashley89]

I think you're making a bigger deal out of it than it is. sure, we all would love to spend more time with the people we love but sometimes that isn't how it works out. I would be happy with the fact that he has a good, steady job and has a great work ethic. you could be with some lazy bum who doesn't want to work and wouldn't be able to provide for you if you ever wanted to get married and start a family.

[bulrush]

OP, I think you need to put it into perspective. Which is worse? Him being unemployed like millions of men in America? Or him working too much and you "only" get to see him a few hours each day?

[michelle23]

A few hours each day? That doesn't seem so bad. I live with my bf and we spend around 3 hours a day together coz we both work full time... Thats kinda normal by the time you get home, clean the house, cook dinner etc. We sit down together around 9 and go to bed around 12..

[michelle23]

They say as long as you are spending 15-30 hours a week together its a healthy relationship. Id say I spend around 15 hours with him during the week, then more on the weekend-like probably another 10hours.

[pcmaster]

As long as he still have energy for you in time you are together it should be ok. Even better to find a few minutes at work to talk to each other.

[rhondagraymond]

start with a little time. see where it goes.don't make a commitment till then.