When it gets tough with your gf advice

[oldskool83]

I am seeing a woman who I really enjoy and get along with. We comunicate very well and that makes me happy. At the beining of the month she changed jobs which is no big deal. She is a mom of 3 kids who is living with her sister. I found out her sister said they were moing end of month, jan 31st and she couldnt go with.

We have talked about this and its too soon for her to move into my place, and I have'nt been introducted to the kids as BF yet which I am fully suportive of. I am her BF to her and some other people she told.

I've expressed I feel horrible that I cant help. Her work hours are now more 2-10ish then her prervious job which was 6-2ish. Being able to comunicate on these topics have been great. I know she is feeling stressed because of not spending time with kids as much and now since she does not know where she can go shes pulling away some, I see and feel this. She told me it's just how she gets and its not often. We did talk and she said it will be ok. She stuck around with me knowing that I could have went "away" for 3 months and support 100%. Shes told me I'm a good man she she wants to keep me around.

I feel as if I should not bug right now, as hard as it is she knows I'm here but prob does not want to really talk much. I know time with kids and important and I asked her yesterday how they all were going if they had a good today together which she did tell me they did and what they go to do. Trying to keep it simple.

I want to be supportive of her right now, I have some strong feelings for this girl and she does also for me, shes told me. I feel I should make some contact each day, if its just even a text saying I hope your days going good. Bad times don't last forever but I want to prove to her I am willing to put in the time to really be with her, I am very much falling for her and I know it, and she does also. Like I said she proved her self to me and I feel I need to because I want to. As of yet she does not know where she could live. Her job does not pay that much so she wont be able to aford anything of her own and I know this.

Could anyone give some adivce maybe more then my own thoughts? I think I'm handeling this right. She made the comment before she hates to be ignored and at this time I know I don't want to ignore her but at the same time I want to be there "Loosely" per say for her and just tell her I'm here if she needs to talk and I am fine not seeing her because I am sure she freaking out since end of month is in a few days. Oh and I've been around the kids a few times also. Just if they were up when i went over before bed a few times. I have talked to 2 of them one on 1, maybe an hour total. She didn't force them on me it was just they were around and I was also. Shes a very smart mother going about things corretly I feel.

Sorry this is long. I have feelings for her very much and I know shes in a bad spot. I can't really help though so what is a good man supose to really do other then just be there until the time is over with? And no I am not feeling insecuties of cheating drama stuff. The deal is what the deal is. We are both nearly 30.
There were not break up talks and shes a women who tells me her thoughts up front as I do. Ever since find out about she has no place to live by end of month I've seen her emotions up and down and shes said it has nothing to do with me.

It's hard when you care and have to watch a train wreck. I'm the type of person when shit happens I pull closer but I realize we are all not the same. I've told her my feelings and its pointless to keep saying it over and over ya know? Just wondering if thers anything different I could do.

Thank you.

[Kromat83]

It kind of seems like she wants to prove to herself, that she can do it on her own.
She respects you as a person, but probably isn't ready for the commitment just yet,
even if you've seeing each other for 3 months, also the 3 kids complicates things, as
she wants to make sure your the right one for her, and her moving in with you, makes
it seem like she's desperate, and she'll stay with you mainly because
your able to accommodate her needs.

I feel like she doesn't want to hurt you, by being put in a situation that isn't under her control.
Don't let her not wanting your help as a bad sign, it's just that she's probably not ready,
and wants to make changes on her own, maybe once she's happy on her own, then probably you could
spend more time together, and then she'll see if you really are worthy of her kids.

[oldskool83]

I fully understand what your saying. I am not mad about this issue. You cant be mad when somone is always being up front with you. She told me she does not want me to disapear and wants me to make contact with her. She did say shes so upset there are some choices she needs to make rather quick on finding living. My guess is find a roomate quick, thats what I would do but I didnt make sugestions. Ive offered if she needs help to ask me, but Im here for support because I care. Her words have been she just needs to take care of this issue about living 1st before we can go any further. I feel thats fair and understandable, and it does make sence. Like i said bad times do not last forever not when somone is asking you do not disapear. I wont say we never faught but if there was somthing I didnt like or she didnt like it was made known. I think thats better then fighting.

This is not the normal I am in college my chick wants to ignore me and is pissy lol. Theres really and issues thats causing stress but theres been comunication about it since day one. I respect her enought to know she gets very upset and has cried about this issue 2 or 3 times already. Guess we will see how a mature woman can handle things because i havent made a issuse out of this. Just asked for comunication.

[oldskool83]

If anyone cares to give any more advice the current deal is she did tell me she has to figure this living issue out before we can any further. I told her do what ya gotta go and I am not mad but said I am not gonna bug you from here on out. She did say you can still talk to me even said she is not asking me to disapear.

Ive had left her alone for a day, and even though she said I could get at her I want to let her alone right now for a few days, maybe not a full week but just dont say a shitten thing for 3 days and send a hope your doing good text or somthing simple and I'm leaving it at that.

Like i said she is a 27yo single mom of 3 kids facing a hard time due to not having a place to stay but she did tell me some options she figured out last min. And I 29. I just feel this is really a issue not related to me If the girl wants me to keep in contact with her. Am I upset, eh a little but I've watch the situation unfold from the start.

[HeartIsAching]

Perhaps it's time to be introduced to your GF's kids, and spend some time around her house with them?

[oldskool83]

Heartisaching.

I don't thing you read the issue. She was living with her sister. Her sister is moving out of a rental house Feb 1st. She does not make enought to afford her own place lol. Thats the deal, not spending time with the kids lol. Shes being forced out on her own where she cannot aford anything.

[HeartIsAching]

I know... but you don't have to save her. She can (and will) find her own living situation. In the meantime, perhaps you can suggest that it's time to meet the kids, in preparation for possible future co-habitation. You did say that you were falling for her.

But remember she's an adult and you don't have to save her.

[oldskool83]

I am not looking to save her. Until she finds a place to live I feel its pointless to really talk much. She did ask for space because of this issue. She either has to move some hours away or find a roomy quickly. Shes protective of the kids, I have meet all of them and talk to them all lol. We all spent newyears eve together. I'm just concerned.

Looking more on how to handle the entire situation with us. And yes I am falling for her and shes fully aware of it. Sucks when people need to push away in harder times. Not really use to this, not at my age anymore.

[HeartIsAching]

There's nothing wrong with you two brainstorming together. Why don't you suggest a get-together for this purpose? Write down lists of possible actions, and pros/cons for each action. You might work something out that's mutually beneficial... like you helping her find a roommate so she doesn't have to move, maybe.

[oldskool83]

great idea, i think i did this few weeks ago. she wants space right now to work this issue out. shes highly upset. I think she feels hurt her sister is allowing this to happen. I cant really do anything but give her space and i sorta was starting to on my own last week anyway because ive seen how much of a issue this is to her.

Its prob liek if you keep talking about somthing people get sick of it and i never did bring it up much, just 2 times. shes never gotten mad at for me asking either. i guess i play the wait game, how boring this is now lol. ill let her chill a little and check in maybe thurs night or sat night maybe i should wait til sunday cuz by then somthing will be worked out im sure.

if i dont ever contact her it will be bad i know since she said i can talk to her. guess i just wanna respect her issure ya know?

[IndiReloaded]

Resist the temptation to rescue if you really want something longterm.

Think longterm, stay objective. Dating a woman with small children is no easy thing. In a year from now, where do you want to be?

[oldskool83]

Id like to really be with her. What i hope is this is really and issue and its not a lie to cover up some shady activity. Been burned before and never forget.

[IndiReloaded]

Regarding shady behaviour - trust your gut. Especially if you've been there before, your instincts will know before your head does.

Again, let her sort this out. She would have to if you weren't in the picture, right? You don't owe her anything. Your presence is a gift, remember that.

[oldskool83]

Shes taking over her sister rental home she told me today. I just had said hi, how are ya. She told me she is doing her taxes today,was off and was going to take her sissy rental home over. I didn't ask anything she just told me on her own. Said she would text me a bit later. My guess is she wants to tell me more later. I had left her alone for 3 days.

Yes I was burned before. It's harder when you have feelings. She says she loyal and things but actions prove them to me more. I don't beleive anyone words at 1st. Been hurt and lied to a lot.

So yes I will always keep it in the back of my mind I could be played for a fool, but I am not letting that affect me. I do not often connect with people as I have with her and this is super important to me. I can live with out her, I do no need her either, I just would like to be with her and make her feel special. I'm far from needy and a little girly man who whines lol. But inside there are feelings which I cannot hide. When I meet a girl worth my time I run with that. I know it's been 3 months and you always hear stories around this mark about people unsure of feelings or the person and break ups happen being shady talk to other people.

But I will say I do not like the space issue. She knows that. I told her because I am blunt but I'll respect it and only make contact a sparingly since she said I can talk to her. Because I am not taking its ok to talk to me as blow her shit up all the time. I a hurt a little inside, she prob does not know because at this time I have to hide feelings.

I do not want to become just a friend. That's hard to swallow then your feeling lovish feelings. Cant say I am in love but I've formed an emotional attachment with her shich she knows about. It just happened on it's own. So I know I'm starting to fall for her.

[oldskool83]

Well she never text me later like she said she would. I am starting to think more about joining a dating site, but maybe I am not ready? I am not totaly sure what to do. I have not been here before so yes I am starting to think it has to do with me. It is starting to eat at me. I guess I felt important when talking and spending time with her. Now that there is time and space request Im starting to worry. I am only human. Just kinda confused on what I should be doing right now. I am confused about myself, herself and us.