Two years on, I am not over her, and i can't forgive myself for how I treated her

[Infern0]

I really need help.

A few years ago I met a woman who I very quickly fell in love with. The situation at the time was not that good. She was in a bad relationship, and at first we were simply friends, although I had feelings for her I didn't act on them. But she had developed feelings for me, I protected her through a lot of abuse, and stuck by her.

The boyfriend did not treat her well, I will not go into details, but and many times she admitted that the relationship was only still going because she did not want to be alone, and he was just used to her being there when he needed sex, he also had manipulated people into thinking she was a bitch, and he was the good guy, which she didn't want to leave him because she was insecure and didnt want everyone to hate her.

To cut a very, very, very long story short, we were together behind everyone's backs, due to financial reasons for both of us, she did not want to tell him yet, she was very confused at the time, and I did not help matters. Eventually we found a way to make things work for us, we looked at a rental property, and she finished with him, we were due to move in together on the following Monday, this after a very long and drawn out period of me wanting this.

This whole thing had been basically taking up my entire life, and hers, and we grew very, very close to each other through all of this.

For reasons I still cannot understand, I had been telling my friends... I don't even know how to say this but lies about sexual exploits, at the time it didn't seem serious, just the guys having a laugh, I wasn't thinking. It would be a stupid decision that changed my life for the worse.

She found out, and things blew up, she couldn't belive that the one person she could trust would do this, I was so angry, angry at myself that I exploded and it frightened her, I didn't hit her, I never would, but i have never felt such anger at myself, and it scared her.

Scared and upset she left, I moved in with some friends in another town, I was depressed for a long time, but the thing that kept me going was that somehow Icould repair things.

While I was away though, she went back to her boyfriend. I drove her back there, because she had nobody else, it was like giving an addict some drugs basically.

Well, she wouldnt talk to me, I have had no contact for over two years.

In that two years a lot has changed for me, I have a career now and am doing well at work, but my social confidence is shot. I don't go out, I just stay indoors and play video games etc, I dont want to see anyone, I don't want another girl, I just wish I could go back and change things, just such a stupid thing and it had such implications I still cant belive it.

Even through all the crap we went through, the bad timing, everything, i was the happiest i have ever been with her, those moments when we were alone, were so rare and we treasured it, and were ready to start a life together.

And I blew it.

I just dont know how to move on.

[Kromat83]

The only way to move on, if you don't stay inside, and hang around
your friends, maybe you'll meet someone through their connections.

You've been through one before, so you'll know what to do next.
It's hard to get over someone that you loved, but if it wasn't meant
to be, just think positive and move on, it's not worth spending the time
and effort, to something that is just a memory, and not reality for you now.