gf not responding to texts or phone calls.

[JackinTX]

well I've been seeing this girl for 2 years now but we've known each other for about 6 years as friends. We live 3 hours away so it's been kind of semi-long distance. We spend at least two weekends a month together.

Here is my dilemma.

About two weeks ago I called her but she didn't pick up. No biggie. She usually calls back the next day. When she didn't call back i called her again but no answer. It's her house phone and its not unusual for her to miss calls. When she didn't call by the next day I texted her asking where she was and to call me. She texted back "Louisiana. Moms sick." I wasn't even aware her mom was in poor health. I asked if she was doing okay, but she didn't respond to the text. A few days later I texted asking how her mom was doing. She didn't reply to this text either. I haven't called her cell phone or contacted her since. I feel she should get back to me.

Since I don't know how serious her mom's condition is i don't know whether or not to keep trying to reach her. God forbid her mom has passed away. I know if my mom passed i would shut down completely and not want to talk to anyone. At the same time i am perplexed why she hasn't returned a text or called me to at least let me know.

Part of me thinks she is ignoring me on purpose. She's never done this before but she's played games before. Over the last couple years she's texted me saying she can't see me anymore only to text back the next day that she didn't mean it. She's sent me rambling emails saying its over and then calls me the next day saying she was just having a bad day.

Her not contacting me has made me really anxious. I haven't been able to sleep at all. It's killing me. Part of me thinks she'll never contact me again. That she has decided to just cut me out completely with no reason and without telling me (evil i know, but some girls do this). Maybe I'm over-reacting but it's been almost 2 weeks.

This puts me in an awkward situation because if i knew for sure she was doing this I would I would not talk to her again no matter how much I loved her. I have zero tolerance for women that do this(i'm not talking about a girl you just met, i'm talking about relationships). When I was in my mid-twenties i had a girlfriend that did this to me. Out of the blue she wouldn't return my phone calls. And it wasn't until I called her three times that I realized that she was purposely avoiding me. Once i realized it i twisted myself in knots over what the reason could be and what I should do. Should I call her again? And when she doesn't pick up then what? I think i waited a week and called again. Then another week and called again once more. Both times she didn't pickup or respond. It flung me into a depression. I texted her that she should at least call me back and properly break up(proper break ups should always be done in person, unless there are extreme circumstances), but still there was no response. Then 2 months later, after I had gone through hell, she texted me that she was sorry, that i am the one for her, and that she was confused. We met for coffee and i told her that what she did was inexcusable, and even though i was still in love with her, and that It was going to prolong my pain, that I couldn't see her anymore. I broke up with her. She was shocked and according to mutual friends she was devastated. Four years later I got a call from her. The only thing I remember from that call was her saying that it took her so long to get over me. It probably took me just as long. But I did what I had to do. I could never forgive her.

So maybe with that in mind I have reacted to the current game it feels like I am in the way I have. I don't want to keep calling and at this point I have only texted twice and called once. As far as I am concerned the ball is in her court. It has been almost two weeks and I do not understand why she hasn't contacted me. But if i call again and she doesn't pick up then what? I will continue to over analyze my situation. And if a few days later I call again and no answer then have I surely failed the creep test? For the life of me i thought i was finished with these childish games.

Then again if she were truly making me a pawn in her ignore game then her texting me back saying she was in Louisiana would be evidence against this. Maybe my prior experience with this game has haunted me so much that I am looking for it where it does not exist. But I can't help but think something is going on. Two weeks is just too long.

Any advice would be helpful.

[searock]

Since already 2 weeks have passed without hearing from her, I think you shouldn't contact her anymore. Maybe she's going through a lot and can't handle a relationship right now. Whatever the case, you need to act as if the relationship was over. If she wants to come back to you, she will contact you when she feels better. For now just pretend like you two have broken up, she clearly doesn't want you around right now.

[JackinTX]

well its been 2 weeks since i saw her but i just checked my phone and its been 9 days since she last texted me. So it's 9 days that my text to her has gone unanswered.

There are some things I can presume. 1)Her mom must be pretty ill for her to fly to Louisiana. 2)she doesn't want to talk about it

But I'm not going to pretend its over or that we've broken up. What would pretending that do? It doesn't change the reality of the situation.

Am I out of order for being upset that she hasn't called me to update me on the situation?

Like i said, the balls in her court and I'm not going to contact her. If the shoe was on the other foot she would be calling and texting me every day until i responded.

[searock]

Pretend like you're broken up == act like you are no longer in a relationship.

What you're feeling is perfectly normal, she should have called. No matter the reason, you two are no longer in a relationship, whether it's been said or not. People in a relationship keep in touch every day, unless it's for extraordinary reasons, that need to be explained. In this case, the only acceptable reason for her sudden change in behavior would be that something terrible happened (her mother's death), but even then, there's nothing you can do: she clearly doesn't want you around.

Just act like it's over, because by all means, it is. If she wants you back, she'll contact you.

[JackinTX]

Pretend like you're broken up == act like you are no longer in a relationship.

What you're feeling is perfectly normal, she should have called. No matter the reason, you two are no longer in a relationship, whether it's been said or not. People in a relationship keep in touch every day, unless it's for extraordinary reasons, that need to be explained. In this case, the only acceptable reason for her sudden change in behavior would be that something terrible happened (her mother's death), but even then, there's nothing you can do: she clearly doesn't want you around.

Just act like it's over, because by all means, it is. If she wants you back, she'll contact you.

not all relationships are the same. We have never kept in contact every day. It's not unusual for us to go 4 or 5 days without talking. We see each other around 6 days out of the month. In December we only saw each other for 3 days. The only unusual thing here is that she hasn't returned my phone calls or texts.

I just fear that i will never hear her voice or see her again. I don't know if this is irrational or what. Sadly, she is the type of girl that would pull some bullshit like this and just cut off communication without saying bye. Or if I email her i can totally envision her reply as being something like "i don't want this anymore" without any explanation whatsoever. Maybe she got tired of the distance and our relationship and doesn't have the courage to either do it in person or on the phone. I know I know, why get involved with someone so unstable? There's no answer to that really.

Then again, maybe she doesn't feel the need to have to keep me updated on her situation because we don't have a conventional talk everyday live close by relationship.

Who knows, maybe I haven't contacted her enough. Maybe if i had called her cell phone and left a message then she would have gotten back to me. I did call her home phone twice but if she is in Louisiana she is unaware of that. After I did not receive a response to my second text I decided to back off but that could have been premature. I was perhaps allowed one more method of contact (calling her cell) before i passed that threshold of desperation. Oh, only if she knew how desperate I was!

[searock]

It's not unusual for us to go 4 or 5 days without talking

This changes everything... she hasn't talked to you in 9 days, which is about twice the time you regularly go without talking. It's coherent with the possibility that her mother has died or something of the sort. I wouldn't worry too much for now, relationship-wise... she's probably just caught up in a lot of personal, family stuff.

Also, you definitely should have called her cell phone. She TOLD YOU she's in Louisiana, so yeah, that should have been the first thing to do. Texting is really not the best form of communication, especially since she's likely going through a painful period in her life. Call her (on her cell phone, I thought this was implicit honestly) asap, if you want to keep the relationship going.

However:

We see each other around 6 days out of the month. In December we only saw each other for 3 days. [...] I just fear that i will never hear her voice or see her again. I don't know if this is irrational or what. Sadly, she is the type of girl that would pull some bullshit like this and just cut off communication without saying bye. Or if I email her i can totally envision her reply as being something like "i don't want this anymore" without any explanation whatsoever. Maybe she got tired of the distance and our relationship and doesn't have the courage to either do it in person or on the phone.

This really doesn't seem like a relationship worth fighting for. It shouldn't be so difficult. She seems unstable and she basically keeps you hanging all the time. Ask yourself why you keep going back to this type of relationship... did one of your parents treat you like this when you were a child? Giving you love and attention and then suddenly withdrawing for no apparent reason? I think you deserve better, you deserve a healthy, short distance relationship in which you don't have to constantly worry about your partner suddenly stop talking to you / abandoning you.

I know I know, why get involved with someone so unstable? There's no answer to that really.

The answer is that you shouldn't have gotten involved with her in the first place, but the good news is that it's not too late to wrap this up. You aren't married and don't have kids together, besides you live far apart from one another, which is actually a good thing because it will make it easier for you to cut off all contact and move on.

[JackinTX]

This changes everything... she hasn't talked to you in 9 days, which is about twice the time you regularly go without talking. It's coherent with the possibility that her mother has died or something of the sort. I wouldn't worry too much for now, relationship-wise... she's probably just caught up in a lot of personal, family stuff.

Also, you definitely should have called her cell phone. She TOLD YOU she's in Louisiana, so yeah, that should have been the first thing to do. Texting is really not the best form of communication, especially since she's likely going through a painful period in her life. Call her (on her cell phone, I thought this was implicit honestly) asap, if you want to keep the relationship going.

However:



This really doesn't seem like a relationship worth fighting for. It shouldn't be so difficult. She seems unstable and she basically keeps you hanging all the time. Ask yourself why you keep going back to this type of relationship... did one of your parents treat you like this when you were a child? Giving you love and attention and then suddenly withdrawing for no apparent reason? I think you deserve better, you deserve a healthy, short distance relationship in which you don't have to constantly worry about your partner suddenly stop talking to you / abandoning you.



The answer is that you shouldn't have gotten involved with her in the first place, but the good news is that it's not too late to wrap this up. You aren't married and don't have kids together, besides you live far apart from one another, which is actually a good thing because it will make it easier for you to cut off all contact and move on.

i think love is always worth fighting for.

the distance isn't a problem because its temporary. After she's done with graduate school she's moving back to my area. We talked about her moving in with me.

[searock]

Re-read my previous post, I mentioned reasons other than distance for which you should break up. I didn't even focus on distance, so I don't really know where you got that from.

I'll try to rephrase. You don't feel secure in this relationship. You are actually worried that she might suddenly stop talking to you and end the relationship without even telling you. Is this really a person you want to spend your life with? Someone who you believe could just leave you out of the blue without so much as an explanation? There is a reason for which you keep finding yourself in this sort of relationship, and this is what you should be focusing on... try to understand the cause. Work on this, and you won't find yourself in a similar situation again the next time.

Love may be always worth fighting for, but this isn't love. If she loved you, she would know that you are worried and she would at the very least text you. If you loved her, you would have tried contacting her in any way, without being afraid of appearing needy or anything. You'd know that she would understand.

Have you called her cell phone yet?

[ashley89]

that definitely is strange... I would be worried too. just like you said, even if she is going through a lot you would think that she would at least shoot you a quick text to let you know what was going on or make a phone call and fill you in. even though people react in different ways to stress or turmoil, it is unusual for a girlfriend to just leave their boyfriend completely out of the loop regarding something this serious. I would probably try contacting her one more time, maybe leave a message saying you're concerned and just want to know what's going on. even if she is going through a lot it's not right of her to just completely disappear like that.