Torn Between Two

[GoldenHeart]

7 months ago my ex-boyfriend J.D broke up with me because he would be going away for work for 5 months. He cried and said he didn't want to break up with me but had to do so because keeping me in a relationship and not being able to have time to see me was selfish. After seeing him cry I promised to come back after the 5 months and ask if we could start again. I sent him a text message wishing him a happy birthday as I was supposed to return on his birthday. It was short simple and sweet "Happy Birthday J.D xoxo" but I got nothing back. So in a way I gave up and now I'm dating a 34 year old (Grant) who has three kids with his ex-girlfriend, and my parents hate him and still love J.D. It got to the point that my parents kicked me out to live with Grant and have nothing to do with me as apparently according to my parents “[I] Chose him over [them]” when in actual fact I chose no one. He may get them back on the 10/02/2013. I love Grant but I still miss J.D a lot. I do think about J.D a lot and sometimes when Grant and I fight or he does something wrong that upsets me (Like for example he started flirting with older other women on the internet behind my back and I told Grant about how J.D would have never done that to me) I think about J.D and how good our relationship was and how he wouldn't have hurt me the way my Grant does sometimes. My parents loved J.D but hate Grant . They said that I chose him (Grant) over them and they kicked me out so that I have to live with him now. I just don't know what to do I love Grant and my family and also J.D but I can't go back to J.D now. I need help, please help was saying, she was fine.

[basilandthyme]

Golden Heart, you say that you're torn between two. From what I understand, JD hasn't been in contact with you since he left. Is this correct? If so, what gives you the impression that returning to JD is an option?

As far as Grant goes, if he's not meeting your needs - treating you badly and flirting online - why are you still with him? You know you can simply dump him don't you.

The issues with your parents don't make much sense without context. Do they know that JD ended the relationship and has had no contact with you? Why do they dislike Grant? Is it because Grant has been unpleasant to them or because you've been telling them that you're unhappy with Grant? How old are you and why were you living at home?

[smackie9]

Why do you have to jump into a relationship with someone else? You can't possibly do long distance or wait for DJ for a measly 5 months? You must have low self esteem if you launch yourself into a nasty relationship because you have no one the min your ex left. Get a f uckin grip and break up with him. You don't stay in a shitty relationship because you love them...that's just plain dumb. Your parents are right...time to grow up and snap out of this funk you are in.

[bcgirl]

34 with 3 kids from an ex and chatting to girls online...great catch u got there.

[Wakeup]

They kicked me out so that I have to live with him now.

Do you have some sort of disability that renders you incapable of living on your own?

[bcgirl]

U sound extremely dependant on a man. Why not just be single ? Move back to your parents place, save money, work and go to school. You have your whole life ahead of u to be dealing with relationship drama. At this point in your life, you should focus on the important things and that is your future and education. Listen to your parents, they are wise.
Start by dumping your loser bf unless u plan on being a stepmom to 3 kids that aren't yours, children visitation rights coordinating with the ex, monthly child support times 3 and that's just tip of the iceberg.

[basilandthyme]

Do you have some sort of disability that renders you incapable of living on your own?

To be fair, the OP is Australian. Our housing market is one of the most expensive in the world. If you live where the jobs are (capital city) you can't afford housing. If you live where housing is affordable, there are no jobs. Rents are also sky high because of the cost of the owner's loans.

The only way my daughter will afford housing is if we give her a financial leg-up.

[ashley89]

Do you have some sort of disability that renders you incapable of living on your own?

I can't stop laughing

[ashley89]

It got to the point that my parents kicked me out to live with Grant and have nothing to do with me as apparently according to my parents “[I] Chose him over [them]” when in actual fact I chose no one. He may get them back on the 10/02/2013.

I'm sorry but I have no idea wtf this means... he may get who back on the 10/02/2013? who's he? Grant? and who are they? and what do you mean by "get them back"... I'm so confused

[Wakeup]

To be fair, the OP is Australian. Our housing market is one of the most expensive in the world. If you live where the jobs are (capital city) you can't afford housing. If you live where housing is affordable, there are no jobs. Rents are also sky high because of the cost of the owner's loans.

The only way my daughter will afford housing is if we give her a financial leg-up.

Well, all that being said, none of that means she HAS to live with some guy she barely knows. How about moving in with a room-mate who she isn't currently doing while still having feelings for another?

[phantom694u]

Dump Grant. Make good with your parents. If fate allows, you will be with JD someday. Don't settle for less.

[basilandthyme]

Well, all that being said, none of that means she HAS to live with some guy she barely knows. How about moving in with a room-mate who she isn't currently doing while still having feelings for another?

Sorry, I missed your response. Seeing as the OP is still around, I'll continue with the explanation.

I totally get the idea of living with flatmaes. I was 17 when I moved out of home in 1985 and lived with flatmates until I was married. We all did at that age. Independence and flatting is a perfectly normal idea to me.

But times and housing costs here have changed. To give an example, hubby and I bought our current house 15 years ago for $315,000. It's now worth $1,000,000($US is on par with us at present) And I will add that our house is nothing special. Three bedrooms and a study, relatively close to the city but not renovated to current fashion standards. We're middle class with public schooled kids...we're not wealthy by any stetch of the imagination.

I work with many people in their early 20's and I don't know of anyone that age who is living in a flat with friends. The only way for our young people to move forward is to live virtually rent free with someone who's financially secure (usually parents) while they save like mad to come up with a deposit for a house and then combine with a partner when they marry/co-habit. Rentals are in extremely high demand...and if you get accepted for one.... the costs are exhorbitant. Not to mention that the rent payments are on par with housing loan repayments, so it's smarter to save early and then put that money into paying back a housing loan.

Sorry to rabbit on about this, but I think it's not cool to joke about the OP being disabled when you know nothing of the financial environment where she lives. And of course, the fact that I have a disabled child who will never move out makes the 'joke' even less funny.

[Wakeup]

Well, please don't take it personally as it was a legit question and it wasn't meant to offend you or the op for that matter. She doesn't HAVE to move in with a boy that she barely knows or jump from one relationship to another (particularily when she still is in love with the first guy). All she has to do is give up her dependence
on *a man* particularily this man that her parents do not approve of and she then has her family home and support to go back to. She is the author of her own misfortune if she is NOT disabled.

*I wasn't directing that post to you, B&T but you've taken it personally. I'm sorry you were offended when if you take the question in context with the opening post, the offence was unnecessary.

[bcgirl]

Times have changed since the 80's and 90's. kids for the first time in a long time are not more well off than their parents generation. I live in Vancouver Canada, one of the worlds most expensive places to live. If you are a student working part-time making minimum wage at $8.25 and paying up the butt for school tuition plus rent, it's impossible when very cheap rent is considered $900/month and its practically a crack-shack. The average home is well over a million dollars and that's "the ugly, old" house on the block. If the op does have the choice to live with her parents, it would be very wise to take up the offer. Her parents are the only ones that will allow her to live rent free with only the vision of what's best for their daughter so she can focus on the important things in life. Living with the boyfriend rent-free will only cause you to feel like you owe him something.

[Wakeup]

Yes, I have friends in British Columbia and what you say is true and very similar to B&T's housing market.

Her parents are the only ones that will allow her to live rent free with only the vision of what's best for their daughter so she can focus on the important things in life. Living with the boyfriend rent-free will only cause you to feel like you owe him something.

Agree!