Which is worse, a promiscuous past or visiting escorts?

[phantom694u]

My girlfriend and I both have a dark past. Although we try to put our past behind us, we often argue and bring up our dark pasts. I am 38 and she is 46. We are in love, but seems like our past often linger around.

When she was in her early 30s, she was into drugs and alcohol for a good 5-6 years. Like most people in that circle, she slept around with many guys she wasn't even dating. Just casual sex, no attachment. Most of the experience she couldn't even recall because she was under the influence.

When I was in my early 30s, I was in a dead marriage, so I frequented escorts about once a month...for almost 6 years. It was just empty sex for money.

Sometimes I get insecured about her past, and I throw it at her....and she gets hurt because she is completely changed, and wishes to forget about those times when she would wake up with random guys in her bed. She was raped and abused during that time. She would retaliate by saying that I did worse because paying for sex is just as bad.

I know it doesn't really matter, but I am curious.... what is considered worst? A woman who was promiscuous, or a man who paid for sex?

[PradaChanel]

Promiscuous because she was on drugs..Until she got the help she needed. YOU on the other hand just paid for ass because you couldnt get it without having paid for it. So in this situation yours.

[HeartIsAching]

Is this the same woman you want a future with, yet slept with someone else you're dating?

Personally, I don't think one is worse than the other. What IS bad is that both of you engage in emotional abuse when trying to "win" an argument. You need some couples counseling to work on your communication skills.

[ashley89]

why is the past still being talked about in such a frequent manner? if all of this happened before you guys were even together, and you both have truly changed and don't engage in this activity anymore, I don't really see why it makes a difference now...

[Wakeup]

You both were less than angelic. Why are you dwelling on any of it? You were on the same page then and you should both be on the same page now which is forgetting about what was and enjoying what now is. If you can't stop torturing one another with what was then you're not meant to be together. I suggest you make it work because if you (or she) gets with someone who wasn't as equally promiscuous, the chances are higher that they'll not want a relationship with the likes of you (or her) because you were in a relationship that you committed mutiple infidelities in. At the very least, she was single and not hurting anyone but herself.

[basilandthyme]

I think your current behaviour is worse than prior promiscurity or prior solicitation.

You have no business treating someone you supposedly care about like this. Keep this up and it's only a matter of time before she dumps you. Quite frankly, I'm surprised she hasn't done so already.

[Wakeup]

I think your current behaviour is worse than prior promiscurity or prior solicitation.

You have no business treating someone you supposedly care about like this. Keep this up and it's only a matter of time before she dumps you. Quite frankly, I'm surprised she hasn't done so already.

She hasn't dumped him and she won't because it's painfully clear that both of them are codependent and would rather put up with each others nose-rubbing then to be alone. In any event, your point about him treating her like crap is well taken (at least by a few of us... jury is out on how well of a point it makes with OP)

[basilandthyme]

She hasn't dumped him and she won't because it's painfully clear that both of them are codependent and would rather put up with each others nose-rubbing then to be alone.

It's amazing what those with little self esteem tolerate isn't it. I wonder if she'll dump him if and when she finds out that he's seeing others and trying to justify it.

[Wakeup]

It's amazing what those with little self esteem tolerate isn't it. I wonder if she'll dump him if and when she finds out that he's seeing others and trying to justify it.

Well if I were to place a wager... it would be placed on: No, she wouldn't leave him but rather she would assauge the hurt he caused her by finding her own supplemental ego boost through sexual conquest.

[Guybrush]

You conveniently left out the part about you dating two other women, mentioned in your other thread.

I think you should worry more about your own dark present before complaining on your girlfriends so-called dark past.

And by "so-called", I mean that her past wasn't really dark but sad. She was abused, and if anything you should support her. The casual sex shouldn't bother you, unless you believe this is a priviledge reserved for men.

[Wakeup]

... I haven't read his other thread.

Op: Can you stand up and say "I am a hypocritical and Issued individual"

[PradaChanel]

Promiscuous because she was on drugs..Until she got the help she needed. YOU on the other hand just paid for ass because you couldnt get it without having paid for it. So in this situation yours.

i said this being sarcastic because neither one of you is angelic but ur being real anal towards her by throwing up her past as if you didnt have issues. I can see if she was whoring around just because but she was on drugs. You need to get over her past and not bring it up. Do you want people talking about ur use of escorts? I didnt think so.

[bcgirl]

You are a loser. Period.

[phantom694u]

I agree that it's abusive to throw her past at her, especially since she has struggled for so long, and succeeded in making a new positive life for herself. I admit i was wrong. She was not her real self when she was on drugs. I was not myself when i visited escorts. I was depressed and hated myself. I think it's best that we support each other in our new life together. I really want to spend my life with her.

[Wakeup]

In that case you should have no problem giving up the others you've been doing since you've made a decision that you want to spend your life with her. If you have a need to keep up your polygamy, then have the decency to inform her that you're incapable of monogamy so she can make an informed decision as to whether or not she really wants to spend her life with you and your proclivities.