9yrs of marriage when is it ok to find love again

[meg2119]

9yrs, 2kids, and he cheated twice.a yr long affair and then the girl he left me for.
i dont miss him.just the him i thought he was.
i would really like to start dating, but im not sure if i should wait longer. there is a guy i really like, hes funny sweet, and good looking. but i dont want him to be a rebound.what should i do?
fyi: the divorce isnt final yet. me and kids moved out almost 2 months ago.

[vashti]

That's pretty quick... considering you have two kids (I assume they are young), I would advise you to move VERY slowly. Their emotional health is at stake.

[RipVanWinkleX]

That's pretty quick... considering you have two kids (I assume they are young), I would advise you to move VERY slowly. Their emotional health is at stake.

This. The kids will always come first. No matter what.

[IndiReloaded]

Two months seems very quick. A good friend of mine gave me this advice re: dating - treat it like an interesting but not terribly compelling book. Enjoy it, but don't invest much in it.

I hope with 2 small kids you are keeping them well out of your dating adventures.

[meg2119]

of course my kids are involved. i havent even been on a date yet. my kids have already met my ex's gf. hes been seeing her since late October and became facebook offical on 12-12-12. which he never told me in advance she was meeting my kids.or that they were gf/bf.
i like the idea of being free. im def not looking for a serious relationship but im lonely too.
i mean and this guy r friends and getting to know each other.

[meg2119]

aren't involved ****

[Wakeup]

Meg. If you decide to start 'dating' this guy, then do your little one's a favor and don't show them that both mommy and daddy jump from one relationship into another. Don't do what you'r husband has done and introduce them to any guy until you're sure he's a keeper and he feels the same about you.

Your children's best emotional interests are what should be your main concern at the moment. Yes, you're lonely but you could fill up your time with doing things for yourself that do not entail a man at this point. Join a class, spend lots of time with your female friends and just heal from the breakup for a bit. Learn to live on your own without a man until you're no logner finding it "lonely" on your own. If you wait for awhile, when you're self-worth is mostly over the hit it took due to your husbands vile actions, you'll pick a better type of man instead of just any man who shows you interest.

[RipVanWinkleX]

My father cheat on my mother a long time ago when I was in highschool. He wanted me to meet her my new "mother". He had no idea how hurtful it was. Kids may not show it, but it was a bad idea for your ex to show his new gf.

[meg2119]

i definitely agree he introduced her way too soon to them.i dont plan to do the same either.ive always been ok single and its never been a problem.but i also didnt have kids before too.and i havent found a job yet either.so i know im in need of something to keep me busy.sadly cuz my husband is a douchebag he asked me and the kids to move in with my dad.....100 miles north.so my friends are 2 hours away not to mention he stopped paying my car and it got repoed.
he always had a problem with me working.i always needed to work. but in feb he asked me to stay home with the kids so like a dumbass i quit. seven months later hes seeing someone else.

[phantom694u]

Finalize divorce. Make sure kids are minimally impacted.... It will be hard. Don't date until your situation is stable. I went through this and made some major mistakes. Just put your kids' needs above yours. Lots of opportunities to date later.

[michelle23]

If it has only been two months, I presume you are still upset. You need to focus on yourself and whats going to make you happy. It is okay to meet someone else if you want to but just make sure your kids no nothing about it and don't let a man in the house. Your children will need time and lots of support and care to adjust to all these changes but so will you and it is ok to be a little selfish when he has probably ripped your heart out. Look after yourself. You dont deserve any of this and you havnt done anything wrong and if you need a friend or just someone to cuddle, go out and find one. There is nothing wrong with that. Just take your time and make sure you are ready before you enter anything serious.

If I was in your situation, I would be so devastated. I think I would find myself a friend with benefits just as a distraction to try and block out the pain. Do whatever you need to do to heal and you will come out of it stronger

Also 99 times out of a 100, hell end up coming back with his tail between his legs once he realizes that the grass is not actually greener but you can tell him to get lost. You win, he loses.. And if that doesn't happen, there is a 99% chance that his new relationship will fail anyway. xx

[FoundAgain]

In my opinion is OK to meet new people and to be close with someone. I don't know why you are worried. I am sure that your children will understand you and everything will be just fine. If you found the person you like don't hesitate to be with him