Talking to and having sex with an ex? What do I do now?

**Jessica1** · 22-01-13, 02:19 AM

For some background, refer to this thread from about a year ago:
http://www.loveforum.net/threads/59313-Does-this-mean-we-re-over?highlight=

I havent spoken to my ex in about a year and then he randomly messages me, explained what happened, how he suffers from depression and how he hasnt stopped thinking about me and how he loves me and never wanted this to happen. I talked to some of his friends and he hasnt been in a relationship for over a year since me.
honestly, i never stopped loving the guy so i decided to meet him. we went bowling the first night and i was just in love with him even after the break up. you can tell hes still a bit sad and feels guilty. We never spoke about the break up or why hes talking to me again.
4 weeks later (after slowly breaking down the touch barrier)--after the message-- we end up kissing and then having sex.
Now I really dont know what to say...it wasn't awkward afterwards or anything and I dont regret what happened. Im actually very happy. He seems happy too. I suppose we're unofficially together again...but should I even ask about it? Or just let things be?

**Wakeup** · 22-01-13, 04:45 AM

You best define what you are and are not or you'll both just be confused or hurt if one thinks it's just casual while the other thinks you're being monogomous and exclusively dating.

I've not read your post from a year ago as yet but i'm wondering if you've done the right thing to hook up with someone who has a history of depression. Has he at least gotten the medical/psychological attention he would need to be able to deal with this depression? Have you jumped in without thinking?

On Edit: Okay I just read the two posts in that thread that went no where (you never returned to update even)... are you still long distance? If you are, then I'm at a loss as to why you'd just go back to exactly the same disfaction you left? If nothing has changed, then it won't be any better then it was.

**Jessica1** · 22-01-13, 05:00 AM

hello, i actually remember you posting in another thread i made. I made a few after the one i posted where i did update my info. perhaps this is the better one to look at:
http://www.loveforum.net/threads/59885-My-long-distance-bf-broke-up-with-me-via-skype-messages-but-I-am-coming-home-on-Frid?highlight=
yes we are still long distance but i might be transferring to a school only an hour away in the fall.
i know it seems stupid to go back into a relationship like that but he seems soo much stronger than he was before. that was the main problem...he just couldnt handle thinking about me all the time and me not being there. I am also better because since the break up I've learned how to live my life without depending on him alone for support. yes, hes on medication now and said he'll stop going off of it.

**ashley89** · 22-01-13, 05:05 AM

I feel like in life when things end they usually happen for a reason... of course you're always going to have feelings for him because you were in love with him so it's a lot easier for them to come back out when you're talking and hanging out again. I just feel like if you got back together, things might be good in the beginning but would slowly go back to how they used to be. If you really believe he's serious about changing and wants to try it again, I would take things really slow. Make sure he isn't just saying things and not following through on his word. And I would definitely bring up your status so you both are clear on what you want from each other. Miscommunication is how things get messed up and feelings get hurt. Good luck! :]

**Elias Alucard** · 22-01-13, 07:00 AM

Get finality. He is a guy. If he establishes with you that he can get sex and not be in a relationship where he has obligations to you then you are in for a world of pain down the road and it will have been your fault for not taking control. Be the control in his life. If he had sex with you, he likes you. You can't let you be his sex ex. Cement your position. You have more power than him because he likes you, so make it official.

**Jessica1** · 22-01-13, 08:03 AM

Thank you for the advice. I def should talk to him about it.

**bcgirl** · 22-01-13, 08:44 AM

You two broke up for a reason. Right now it's a "honeymoon" phase. Enter with caution. If u two are happy together and still love each other than be officially together. The honeymoon phase will eventually die down.

**Jessica1** · 22-01-13, 11:34 AM

^thanks, guys. the thing is that we NEVER fought in our relationship and we were deeply in love with each other when we broke up. it kind of ended because he just wasnt right in the head at the time. in other words, bad times hardly existed when we were together.