What kind of psychologist he sees?? help!

[Axis]

This is about my friend. I just want to help them, Im in between because both of them are my good friend lets call them Ryan and Nancy. So here it goes;

After 4 years relationship, seriously talking about married suddenly Ryan went cold turkey and broke off the relationship with Nancy. Out of the blue he lost his feelings for her, Nancy was furious and cant accept the break up. She keeps on calling and contacted him. At first Ryan do the same although in general he was very cold but now he doesnt seem care for Nancy anymore and cut off the contact. This makes Nancy even sad and more furious.

Nancy tried to kill herself and each time she did she threaten Ryan that she will do it. Ryan gets worry then he will contact her to stop. Nancy did several times, I want to help her, she is such a nice girl but I dont know how. Ryan also nice guy and Im shocked to see him behave like this to Nancy.

As for Ryan, he doesnt know what to do about nancy. He cut her off completely, recently her grandmother past away, Ryan heard about that but dont care about her, not even send her condolence messages (how could he be so heartless?) he told me he sees therapist and they suggest him not to contact her!?? Now nancy try to kill herself again and even after she send him messages that she will kill herself, he didnt even try to contact her to stop her or whatever. What kind of psychologist he sees that suggest him to be so heartless??

What the best way for them to do? I know it is hard for Nancy to stay NC because she wants Ryan back and loves him so much and didnt see the break up coming as its just come out of no where and hit her really hard! especially after talking about wedding to everybody but suddenly Ryan cut it off. They are the most amazing couple together and its such a shame to see the apart. I want them both happy together again but I dont know how.

Someone please help, give the advise. Nancy really did try to kill herself again and now is in hospital. The info I know she just want to talk to him that her grandmother past away, perhaps seeking comfort from the person once she loves and loved her but he cut her off completely because he listen to his "psychologist"?? come on...

[basilandthyme]

Axis, Nancy was using suicide threats to manipulate Ryan into seeing her. He's now refusing to be manipulated and has the full support of his counsellor. He's 100% doing the right thing by himself. If he sees her in hospital now, it means that her manipulation has worked once again.

Nancy is a nutcase and Ryan is wise to have stopped all contact. I hope Nancy is seeing a psychairtrist.

Edited to add: you didn't hear their private conversations and you really have no idea if she saw this coming or not. Perhaps she ignored all the warning signs. Lots of people do! At any rate, given her current crazy behaviour, don't believe everything she tells you about the relationship and Ryan.

[Axis]

Axis, Nancy was using suicide threats to manipulate Ryan into seeing her. He's now refusing to be manipulated and has the full support of his counsellor. He's 100% doing the right thing by himself. If he sees her in hospital now, it means that her manipulation has worked once again.

Nancy is a nutcase and Ryan is wise to have stopped all contact. I hope Nancy is seeing a psychairtrist.

Edited to add: you didn't hear their private conversations and you really have no idea if she saw this coming or not. Perhaps she ignored all the warning signs. Lots of people do! At any rate, given her current crazy behaviour, don't believe everything she tells you about the relationship and Ryan.

I've known nancy since we were a little, my emotion really goes to her, she moves to canada and we skype almost everyday. She told me everytime how the break up was. Currently, She just lost her grandmother and just want to talk to Ryan about that. Maybe she just miss him and want a comfort from him. Nancy still very much in love with him and been in an unstable mind since the break up. No way Nancy wants him to see her. Ryan is in Australia with his new job now and its far away from her.

Im in a difficult situation also with my break up, and I dont know the best advice for them to do in this situation, so that Im asking help from you kind people in this forum. Ryan come to me too asking for advice with the situation, she knows Nancy grandma died, it drives him crazy he cannot do anything for nancy, he told me he sees therapist and his therapist suggest him not to contact nancy. I never see therapist so I dont know how their mind works! do all therapist suggest NC even if the dumpee died they just dont care? just be heartless and ignore whatever happen to the dumpee?

[HeartIsAching]

Basilandthyme hit the nail on the head. Nancy is using emotional abuse to force Ryan to do what she wants. Ryan's done with it, and has called her bluff. I'm pretty sure I know why Ryan broke up with her, too. He's well shut of her... and frankly Nancy should be seeing a therapist, too.

[Cerby]

do all therapist suggest NC even if the dumpee died they just dont care? just be heartless and ignore whatever happen to the dumpee?

No, but Basil is right, she was manipulating Ryan into contacting her with threats, the therapists advice to stop all contact was an attempt to end this manipulation. It is sad that Nancy lost her grandmother, but her and Ryan are broken up, he has no further obligation to her, and contacting her just keeps the drama going. Honestly, if I were Ryan, I'd question if her grandmother even died, or if it was another attempt to manipulate contact.

It isn't that he doesn't care, it is that he is doing what is likely best for them both, with the guidance of a therapist. You should no longer help facilitate this, you should say goodbye to Ryan, and try to be there for your friend. You're both going through a breakup, so be there for each other.

[basilandthyme]

First up; A counsellor is responsibile for the wellbeing of their client only. If Nancy is unstable, she needs her own counsellor. Nancy's wellbeing is not Ryan's counsellor's concern.

If Nancy hadn't made all the prior suicide threats, perhaps Ryan would have spoken to her about the grandmother's death. But she's cried wolf too many times and now he's done with her. This situation is of her own making - the counsellor is correct in advising Ryan to stay away from someone who uses suicide threats to draw his attention.

If you want to support Ryan, you have to tell him to do the best thing he can for himself. In this case, it's staying away from a manipulative, unstable ex girlfriend.

[basilandthyme]

Honestly, if I were Ryan, I'd question if her grandmother even died, or if it was another attempt to manipulate contact.

Yep. Given her history of suicide threats, I were Ryan, I wouldn't believe her.

[Axis]

Honestly, if I were Ryan, I'd question if her grandmother even died, or if it was another attempt to manipulate contact.

Nancy's grandmother really is death, she lives just 2 towns away from me and I've been to her funeral. Ryan 1st heard the news was from me, not Nancy. Nancy sent him messages and want to talk about it but... ah.. this situation made me sad also. I feel sorry for her with the situation, and I also in a difficult situation myself! who will help me

[Axis]

Thank you guys for your kind advises, Nancy is a great girl and this break up really hurting her so bad. I too, with my break up hurt me so bad but I still on my ground and still want to live. Life is so precious, I told that to Nancy. She doesnt want to talk to anybody at the moment, she is so much depress with her break up. I want to help her too but I dont know how.

[basilandthyme]

Axis, I know you want to help your friends, but there's a limit as to what you can achieve. Especially with Nancy. Re than anything, she needs the help of a professional.