What "lets have a break" really means?

[Lissy0404]

My boyfriend and I had being toguether for 3 years now. Our relationship has being filled with ups and downs, but mostly it was happy. I smother him during all this years, and that has being one of our problems since we started. Recently our trust was break after some lying that involves another woman. Now, after all this time, he says to me " I dont know if I love you", and ask me for a "brea". However, then he agrees to talk to me at least one a day, in the called "brea". I'm lossing my mind, I dont know what to think about this anymore... please help

[basilandthyme]

A 'break' means that he wants to end the relationship, but lacks the courage to do so. He'd rather leave you sitting, waiting in the wings than make a clean end.

The best way to regain your sanity is to take control of the situation: Refuse the break. Tell him that you're not going to wait around on the sidelines while he dithers about. If he doesn't 100% want you, then end things yourself.

And find out why you kept smothering him. This will continue to plague future relationships.

[Guybrush]

In my honest opinion, "lets have a break" is a phrase used by someone who wants to break up but does not have the balls to do it properly.

If he does not know if he loves you, I suggest you let him go. No break. Just let him go and get over him.

Sorry if that was a bit too blunt.

The smothering/lying/trust bits is another matter. Is that something you want to discuss?

[Guybrush]

A 'break' means that he wants to end the relationship, but lacks the courage to do so.

Lol, you beat me to it before I had the time to post

[Lissy0404]

Here I told him exacly that, if he want it to end the relation, he had the door open. However, he said " no", I guess his excuse is that this is a way to know for certain if he truly loves me or not. Wich I found as coward act. Yet, he is not breaking up even when I gave him the option. Also, he insisted that a "break" is not necesarily means he is leaving, is more like a "lets figure out things time". I'm so confused, and sad.

Thanks for your comment

[Lissy0404]

well, yes. I feel now guilty that he stop loving me, because I migth smother him to much, at the same time I believe I did great things for him in the relatinoship, acording to his family and mine, I was the best gilfriend. The trust problem, is another thing, I believe he cheat on me 4 months ago, with some woman he meet througth a friend. I'm not sure, but It is a strong posibility.

[bradchin]

If you don't trust him, it won't last in the long run. I didn't trust my ex, and eventually it got to a point (after 3 years) that I was monitoring her every move.. Checking her phone, lurking her Facebook... It's not worth it. I told her I wanted a break because I didn't have the courage at the time to tell her I wanted to break up. He might be seeing somebody else, and might think that "taking a break" means it's not cheating on you.

[VincenzoG91]

Taking a break means that he met somebody else, but he isn't sure if that relationship will work out yet. A break would give him the chance to try out the new girl without feeling too guilty.

You should just break up with him.

[Guybrush]

I suspect that a break will only leave you more confused. I dont think you should accept that. I have never believed in breaks.

[basilandthyme]

Here I told him exacly that, if he want it to end the relation, he had the door open. However, he said " no", I guess his excuse is that this is a way to know for certain if he truly loves me or not. Wich I found as coward act. Yet, he is not breaking up even when I gave him the option. Also, he insisted that a "break" is not necesarily means he is leaving, is more like a "lets figure out things time". I'm so confused, and sad.

Thanks for your comment

NO! The way forward is not about giving him the option to end things. It's about you taking control of your life and dumping him.

[Stillits]

Take it from someone who was (imo) retarded enough to accept my ex's proposal of a break. He talked to me 3-4 times during the break, and made sure to keep my hopes up (so it certainly seemd) and then in the end he dumped me.
It's a waste of your time. And you should be with a man who knows that he wants to be with you, not someone who requests something as vague as a break.

[Elias Alucard]

Breaks are probably not good

[Lissy0404]

Thank you all for your responses, true is on Friday I broke up with him. I'm very anxious and sad. I'm having a hard time to eat or sleep, but I know i did the right thing.

[afekson]

My boyfriend and I had being toguether for 3 years now. Our relationship has being filled with ups and downs, but mostly it was happy. I smother him during all this years, and that has being one of our problems since we started. Recently our trust was break after some lying that involves another woman. Now, after all this time, he says to me " I dont know if I love you", and ask me for a "brea". However, then he agrees to talk to me at least one a day, in the called "brea". I'm lossing my mind, I dont know what to think about this anymore... please help

I think the other woman you talked about has engaged his feelings and now he seems not to have strong feelings for you again. So when he said "let's have a break" what he simply meant was that you should break up the relationship.

[phantom694u]

"let's have a break" is followed by "permantly", though the latter word is never mentioned, but well meant.