My ex girlfriend came back, we are going to start a new relationship , help!

[Sleed]

Hello! I'll write my story here in the most concise and clear way possible.

I've been in a relationship with this girl , that i like a lot, for 2 years and 4 months. The last 4 months i acted like a jerk and dumped her like 3 or 4 times and she just kept coming back until i did a huge mistake i dumped her 3 days before women's day and 5 days before her birthday and also canceled our trip to an other country. I know i was a jerk but believe me she made me pay for that , read on please.

I thought she would come back to me even after this really ugly move .. but she didn't. I went full No contact for 3 months and she got a new boyfriend , lets call him "A". "A" was a rebound relationship, nothing serious, she used him to make me jealous.

After 3 months of NC( No contact) i contacted her telling her that i miss her and slowly realising that i lost her but at the same time i couldn't believe it , because she was so dependent on me the first time.

So after 3 months i come back and find out she has been dating this A guy for 3 months and that she didn't have sex with him for 2 months, hoping i would come back . After 2 months they had sex, so i was 1 month late. I started doing the stupid things that you shouldn't do when you break up. I started begging her to come back, i cried, pleaded , you know...everything.

When she saw that i still wanted her back she decided to hurt me really bad , she would drop hints that she would "bed" this A guy when we talked on the phone , she would also meet me outside for dates behind his back (that is when i knew he was a rebound) , i could see that she missed me but was also very mean and hateful towards me , wanted to hurt me really bad. Soooo... she invited me to her home, where the A boyfriend was. She knew that one of my fears was to see ex boyfriends so she wanted me to see her current boyfriend as a means of hurting me.... and i went , i wanted to give her the satisfaction of revenge to permit other feelings to appear. They didn't kiss or anything in front of me, just hugged once and that made me extremely sad.

After this she just kept ignoring my crying and desires to get back together. After 5 months her relationship with the rebound guy A was terminated.

At this point ( i kinda knew it would die) i tried to beg her again to try a new relationship but i think she thought i deserved to pay some more for treating her really bad for 5 months and her trying to save it(our former relationship).

She started a relationship with a guy similar to me , lets call him guy B. She had to chose between me and this guy B. She was still very angry with me and she chosed guy B. I also think that she thought i made her chose the rebound relationship "A" because i left her miserable and broken and thought that relationship B was a logical choice(not a desperate choice like guy "A" was) and revenge also.

Long story short i felt really betrayed and hurt. She closed the phone on me while i was crying and stuff like that. I was cruel to her when i dumped her and she was cruel to me now, but she kinda overdid it because boy B was very jealous and told her to go full NC(No contact) with me.

I went full NC with her for 2 months. She contacted me out of the blue and wanted to go out with me. We went out and she started apologizing for ignoring and hurting me and said the new boyfriend kinda pushed her into doing this ( but it was also her choice to take him and not me). She also told me she was unhappy with this guy , and gave me hints that she wanted me back because i was better for her then this B guy. When i asked her if she wants to start again with me she started crying so i thought she still wanted me , she had her revenge on me and her better feelings where coming back.

I left her alone for an other month and their relationship dissolved. It ended, she called me 1 week ago when it ended and crying told me to come to her.... so i went. We started discussing a new relationship, she said she was up for it, but wanted to be sure i wouldn't be a jerk again and said we need to take it really really slow. She gave me a long hug at the end , a hug i didn't expect , but i was happy at last after 10 months.

So we are now starting a new relationship after we had one for 2 years and 4 months. She was my first real girlfriend and we are both 25 now, 22 when we started. I treated her like shit, she treated me like shit in revenge.
We both still care a lot about each other to give ourselves an other chance.

I have to get over the fact that she had sex with guy A by me dumping her, that is ok but she also had sex with guy B by her own choice and revenge. I want to forgive her and move on , i really really really want to forgive her , i don't want any spiders in my heart towards her.

I would like a response from you guys that aims for healing and a more mature understanding, please don't give me any negative advices cause i don't want that direction of thought , i don't need that degradation to this fragile relationship, i need some advices to make this a strong and really long lasting second chance.

1. Please be positive and tell me what do you think i should do to forgive her cruel treatment of me. I know i deserve half of it , but the other half was over the top. Part of her cruelty was a response to mine, i understand that. But how do you forgive this entirely(2 boyfriends in 10 months) ?

2. What do you need to do to get a second chance relationship to be very strong and long lasting? Any wise words ? I need something very smart ,healing,durable and positive .

I like this girl a lot , a lot , a loooooottt. And i really really really want to make it work . Thank you.

[Boisdevie]

If you want a response from us guys you might try to write a shi.tload fewer words. Then some of us might, just might have the energy to read. But not ALL that.

[iamhopeless]

Treat it like a fresh relationship. Don't think about her having had sex with another guy. Most girls you'll date won't be virgin. Unless you're petty, you wouldn't care about that either.

And with treating it like a fresh relationship, work on courting her. Do the things you'd do with a new girl. Don't think that you've already been through that with her, so there's no need. You need to show her who you can be. Show her that you can be a nice caring guy. And then don't fall back into being an ass.
And probably best not to rush the sex. She'll let you know when ready.

[Beenthere]

You DUMPED her... you broke up with her... she was in another relationship.. surely she is entitled to sleep with whoever she wants when she's single or in a relationship with them. If you want this relationship to work, you've got to understand that she went through all those horrible thoughts of you being with someone else, when you chose to leave her (4 times). She has given you the same experience, now you both have to live with it. your girlfriend does not need your forgiveness because she has done nothing wrong. You should put what ever thoughts of her with someone else out of your head, grow up, move on with your relationship and thank your lucky stars you won the girl you love back despite being an idiot in the first place.

[philipfillup]

Leave the past where they belong, in the past. Not saying that you need to forget, but those events are behind you now. Dwelling on them would only cause pain and resentment. Understand that you did dump her, she was hurt, and may be it's part revenge, but she probably also need to know that she can be treated good, not just by you, but by other guys. What really matter at this point is that you got her back, you got her back! Think of why you were being a jerk and how you can improve yourself to at least be a prince to her. You also need to be patient with her at this point because she is hesitant on not knowing if you will be the same again or not. So it's up to you to better yourself, show her with actions, not words, that you are a better person, that you really love her. Listen to the things she say, be affectionate, etc. Basically you're trying to warm herself up to you again.