Lacking in attention, is flirting cheating?

[Guybrush]

Medication alone without therapy will only disguise his symptoms without adressing the real cause.

He needs professional help.

[Wakeup]

Hi there. I would like to get some male opinion.
Ok, say that I am in a relationship but things are not as they use to be after 5 years.
I do not feel very special anymore, and I am constantly taken for granted. Is it considered cheating if I have an odd flirt with some cute guy I just met. I am really considering it since I just want to get noticed again and treated specially by someone. I have discussed the problem with boyfriend many times but it always leads to a dead end and a guilt trip for him. I dont want to be a whiny girlfriend. I just want to feel like a wanted woman again besides in the bedroom. To put it directly a small confidence boost. I feel that its gotten to a stage where it is unacceptable on his side. I dont even get phone calls or messages because he says that its never the right time, or its expensive, or he forgets or... or... and its like that with everything. There is always something that gets in the way of him just being plain and simply thoughtful. Never acts like a gentelman anymore, I pay on most dates that we go on, I order, he never holds a door or a coat for me anymore, there is hardly any hugging unless I ask for it, complements are hard to come by, end of story, he has gotten soo lazy.
Advice guy tell me how to get blood running again and is it okay if I flirt a bit.

Bibi. How can you even ask if it's okay when you' admit this in another thread:

OK , personal experience. I was flirting online, had a boyfriend, ended up cheating, broke up, and now Im about to marry the guy that I was flirting online with. But my situation actually worked out for me, not for my ex who hates me. My conclusion - online flirts are never harmless.

My suggestion is to get out of this relationship or get some couples councelling or, you get some personal therapy so that you don't rely so much on the attention of a man (your bf) or men (online flirts) to makeup your self-worth. Have you any hobbies, interests, girlfriends, accomplishments that will increase your confidence? Confidence will give you the strength you need to leave a man who doesn't fulfill your needs but at the same time, you can't expect a man to be your everything either.

On edit:

Two years ago we found out that he had a autoimmune illness, which he is getting treated for now. This could be the reason why he has started to avoid social contact including me. Is it possible? I tried to be most supportive and gentle as I can.

I'm sure it has a lot to do with his apathy towards you. Have you read everything you can about what ails him, the symptoms, discussed with him what he thinks you can do to help him join the living again?

[Bibi]

I agree you are right. I am an attention seeker but who isnt? What you do not know is that I also like giving attention. For me its a two way road and when you just give there comes a point when you can become desperate, why is it that I just give? there are reasons which I do not need to explane here. I am not going to leave my realtionship because that would be the most stupid thing I could ever do. There is no perfect relationship so do not be so quick to judge. Some of us are more needy then others, its normal. If you last in long distance relationship for 5 years I will truely shake your hand. One reason I am so needy is because I get to be with him only for 3 months a year at the most. And what I said about wanting to flirt it was just an emotional outburst, I would hardly ever do such a thing considering I have been faithful for so long. I do have my doubts just like anybody else from time to time, and moments of hopelessness. Does this give you enough insight.

[Wakeup]

I agree you are right. I am an attention seeker but who isnt?

Not everyone, thats for sure. Not the kind you're talking about.

What you do not know is that I also like giving attention. For me its a two way road and when you just give there comes a point when you can become desperate, why is it that I just give?

Because you're desperate and you don't have any other things to keep you occupied and that would provide you with a healthy sense of self-worth? Or you are a submissive who was taught that you need to give to feel alive? I could guess for ages.

there are reasons which I do not need to explane here. I am not going to leave my realtionship because that would be the most stupid thing I could ever do.

Why is that? You're not happy, you want to get attenion from other men. Why don't you ask your BF if what you want to do is alright with him? Afterall, he's the only one that can tell you if it's right or wrong within the boundaries of your own personal union.

There is no perfect relationship so do not be so quick to judge.

That seems to be your pat answer for everything ~ you've said it in a couple of threads now. You've asked for opinions and just because I'm not giving your permission to just go ahead, you say I judge? Ask your bf, perhaps he'll be fine with it??

Some of us are more needy then others, its normal.

But, it's not normal if it goes against your partners belief in what is and isn't acceptable within your relationship boundaries. So, what would he think if you flirting online with men, getting your self-worth through bs words from strangers which is taking away from your own emotional connection even further within your union? If he doesn't think that it will be a problem, then no judgement by me... to each their own but you need to ask him, not us.

If you last in long distance relationship for 5 years I will truely shake your hand.

I wouldn't be in an unfulfilling relationship that is the norm with long distance things. I'd not settle for anything less then a short car drive away. It's your choice to get involved in such a dynamic but it's odd that you'd want to supplement your primary union because you're not getting what you want but are afraid to give it up.

One reason I am so needy is because I get to be with him only for 3 months a year at the most.

So, tell him you want to supplement him with others. If he's okay with it then thats cool. If you don't want to ask him, then ask yourself why?

And what I said about wanting to flirt it was just an emotional outburst, I would hardly ever do such a thing considering I have been faithful for so long.

So you didn't mean your thread then and were just running it by us here at the Love Forum to see if we'd judge you so you could say "don't judge?"

I do have my doubts just like anybody else from time to time, and moments of hopelessness. Does this give you enough insight.

You are in a part time relationship that is not fulfulling your needs. Why not find someone close by that can actually give you the attention in real life, that you crave? Is there a date set to be with one another on a full time basis? If there isn't then no wonder you want to supplement him with the attention of other man.

You're relationship isn't the right type for you, particularily if you only see him 3 moths out of 12 and when he does see you, he takes you for granted, you pay for outings and he is laxidasical in the bedroom.