What defines a "slut"?

[jennifer.c]

Okay, I'm going to preface this by first saying that I don't agree with the term at all and I try to never use it. It's offensive and pointless. But, it still very much exists in society, so I'm curious...

And don't just say "a girl who sleeps with a lot of guys." How much is a lot? Does context matter? If a girl slept with 7 different guys but they all meant something to her, is that sluttier than a girl who slept with 3 strangers? What about a girl who rarely has any sex but still uses sex appeal to get her way? What about hookups with friends? Is it more about her attitude toward sex, or simply how much she has? Basically, it seems like a complicated issue and I haven't seen a clear answer.

I'm asking because I wonder how I'd be labeled if everybody knew all about my sex life. I don't think people would suspect me of sluttiness upon meeting me. I don't wear very revealing clothing, kinda shy, I'm not very flirty (just friendly), never cheated, never go for taken men, never seek attention through sexual means, never sleep with strangers, never used sex for any ulterior motive, and have never actively looked for sexual encounters. However, I don't have a problem with casual sex, and I wouldn't be surprised if my "number" increases significantly by the time I settle down. In the last year, there were four different guys I slept with-- the first two were guys I had meaningful and monogamous relationships with, and the other two were good friends. In both the friend cases it was made perfectly clear we didn't have feelings for each other, weren't expecting anything, etc. In addition there were also a few other people I casually made out/messed around with (but no form of sex), each case being somebody I trusted. Basically, I have no qualms with screwing around as long as I'm into it, I'm safe, and I'm not hurting anybody.

So, by societal standards, would I or somebody like me be called a slut? Or if no such standard exists, what's your definition?

[basilandthyme]

I don't use the term, so I have no definition. I prefer to leave judgement to those less secure persons who need to put others down to make themselves feel better.

[Love'sReject]

slut- (sl-uht) adj.

= any girl that isn't going out with me Kidding, kidding..It's too late for a serious post now, but tomorrow I'll have one for you

[asdfg789]

@OP : first off, if you have to ask, you have probably already crossed your own line

... In the last year, there were four different guys I slept with-- the first two were guys I had meaningful and monogamous relationships with, and the other two were good friends. In both the friend cases it was made perfectly clear we didn't have feelings for each other, weren't expecting anything, etc. In addition there were also a few other people I casually made out/messed around with (but no form of sex), each case being somebody I trusted. Basically, I have no qualms with screwing around as long as I'm into it, I'm safe, and I'm not hurting anybody.

what ?? 2 meaningful, monogamous relationships in 1 year ? and thrown in together with 2 FWBs ??
a few others ? each somebody you trusted ?

the more you try to justify, the worse it looks.

ask yourself - is this what you want ? can you live with it in the future ? if so, you don't need to ask anyone else.

just my 0.02

[jennifer.c]

@OP : first off, if you have to ask, you have probably already crossed your own line



what ?? 2 meaningful, monogamous relationships in 1 year ? and thrown in together with 2 FWBs ??
a few others ? each somebody you trusted ?

the more you try to justify, the worse it looks.

ask yourself - is this what you want ? can you live with it in the future ? if so, you don't need to ask anyone else.

just my 0.02

One meaningful relationship had carried over from the previous year, and ended very early last year for reasons out of my control. The other was many months later and was short-lived, though I did not think it would be.

As for the others, what happened doesn't bother me, and I don't see it as mattering much--it doesn't to them and it doesn't to me and if anything it strengthened the friendship. So I'm totally okay with these choices. I'm not sure why them being people I trust makes it worse.

The only thing that worries me is others in the future calling me slutty for it. Personally, I think it's no big deal.

[Guybrush]

I don't think people would suspect me of sluttiness upon meeting me. I don't wear very revealing clothing, kinda shy, I'm not very flirty (just friendly), never cheated, never go for taken men, never seek attention through sexual means, never sleep with strangers, never used sex for any ulterior motive, and have never actively looked for sexual encounters.

Like BasilandThyme, I question the overall usefulness of the term "slut", but as you brought it up: It seems like you have a very clear and intelligent idea of how *not* to use your own sexuality, and you seem confident about the moral basis of your actions. I don't think you need advice, because you clearly know what you are doing. Isn't that what is important?

However, I don't have a problem with casual sex, and I wouldn't be surprised if my "number" increases significantly by the time I settle down.

Basically, I have no qualms with screwing around as long as I'm into it, I'm safe, and I'm not hurting anybody.

So, by societal standards, would I or somebody like me be called a slut? Or if no such standard exists, what's your definition?

That depends on the standards of whatever society you chose to ask. In my book, you are not. And - much more importantly - not in your own either. I mean, isn't this supposed to be one of the benefits of being a woman in 2013 and not living in a Jane Austen novel? Not hurting anyone (yourself including) is the key here.

[CoolStoryBro]

I don't use the term, so I have no definition. I prefer to leave judgement to those less secure persons who need to put others down to make themselves feel better.

Obv slut ^

[CoolStoryBro]

She was right. I do feel ****ing better.

[jennifer.c]

Like BasilandThyme, I question the overall usefulness of the term "slut", but as you brought it up: It seems like you have a very clear and intelligent idea of how *not* to use your own sexuality, and you seem confident about the moral basis of your actions. I don't think you need advice, because you clearly know what you are doing. Isn't that what is important?

Thank you. I suppose I'm not actually looking for advice. More just input/discussion on how the rest of the world looks at this, and I'm glad there are people who see it the way you do.

Also, man, after seeing your name now I really want to play Curse of Monkey Island

[searock]

I don't think there's anything "slutty" about your choices - sex is fun, and as long as you're having it with people you trust I think it's great that you're having lots of it regardless of how society might look at you. I think it's about time people stopped having double standards - if a guy has a lot of sex, he's a god, whereas if a woman does, she's a slut. Neither is neither, we're just human beings that enjoy having sex. Those who think otherwise are bigots and/or bitter.

[Guybrush]

Also, man, after seeing your name now I really want to play Curse of Monkey Island

Of course you do, tomboy! ;-)

You do know that both the original MI games have been revamped and relaunched during the last years, right?

[Love'sReject]

I don't think there's anything "slutty" about your choices - sex is fun, and as long as you're having it with people you trust I think it's great that you're having lots of it regardless of how society might look at you. I think it's about time people stopped having double standards - if a guy has a lot of sex, he's a god, whereas if a woman does, she's a slut. Neither is neither, we're just human beings that enjoy having sex. Those who think otherwise are bigots and/or bitter.

Then what do you call social climbing girls who **** their way to success?

[MehicanFather]

jews .

[Love'sReject]

No, guy; Jews aren't sexually promiscuous nor morally dubious. Try again, Abdul.

[MehicanFather]

lol, good one.