We went out for 10 years. I still lover her. Don't know what to do..

[malorology]

My story, I was with my ex girlfriend for 10 years. We were best friends in University and got together there.

In May she broke up with me - fairly out of the blue. We have a deep affection for each other, and would never fight - so it was difficult for me to see it coming or to fully understand the reasons. The only explanation she gave - eventually - was that she simply didn't fancy me any more. We both have stressful jobs, so there was probably an element of me not quite being the enthusiastic person she first met. Though I don't want to sound like we did nothing at all, we still regularly had exciting experiences on holidays and evenings out. Towards the end a bit of a fissure developed in our friendship groups - she spent a lot of time going out with her workmates. So we would have a great time together, but not spend much time at all with mutual friends.

It took me a couple of weeks to process this blow enough to be able to see her again. Since then we have seen each other a couple of times a week, and had a pretty good time. Especially over the summer - with the Olympics etc. It is a testament to our friendship that we could put the hurt to the side and have one of our best experiences together.

I suppose I was holding out that she was just "on a break" and would eventually return to me given a bit of space. I have been good and not pestering her unduly, waiting for her to arrange things etc. She did break up with me for a few months early on in the relationship and came back to me after a time.

However on New Years Eve she told me she has started seeing someone from her work. This has been as big a blow as the break up itself. She has obviously moved on, and I have not. For the first time since the breakup I also stepped over the line of allowing her to see how much this had hurt me - I cried etc and I hope she didn't take from that that the entire last six months I have been lying to her not being upfront about how hurt I am.

So I want to know what I should do now. As I say there is a bit of a gap with our friendship groups - so my current friends don't really know how my ex and I work together. They advise me that you canot be friends with an ex you still love under any circumstances and however much it hurts I need to cut her out of my life - either forever or for however long it takes for me to be over her. Most of the internet has the same advice.

The thing is, I don't want to. We have since seen each other once since New Years eve, a pre-arranged game of badminton, and it was actually pretty good. Of course I find it hard - but we can rise above that and make each other laugh etc.

What I find hardest though is when I am not seeing her. I don't particularly obsess about her being with someone else (thank god) but I feel so upset that she is not really there for me any more - we can't really be intimately entwined with each others lives. I would give almost anything just to bury my head in her hair late at night and cuddle like we used to.

So - should I cut her out of my life in order to speed up the process of getting over her (at the moment it feels like I never will but I am aware time is a healer). Or do I do what I want to do - which is continue to see her once/twice a week because I enjoy it - and deal with the pain that causes me.

[dem862]

Cut her out. She moved on. You should too.

[smackie9]

You depend on her to give you a life, so you cling onto whatever you can get....it's ok to let go...you are not going to die, in fact as soon as you adjust to life without her you will bloom into a new person with new interests and good friends to go out with. You will rediscover what it is to be you....change is good my friend, so stop being afraid of it. let her go and move on....you will see it's not that bad of a thing. (to be without her)