Just want to be Happy again

[ME&MyFeelings]

So I been married for 23 yrs and we have 5 children together.22,19.17.14.10. My husband cheated on me twice in the last ten yrs. he claims he wasn't getting enough sex at home. The first women got pregnant twice from him and the second lady was a high school classmate.I don't trust him or believe anything he says. He ruined me financially.He made payday loans under my name.Had the IRS garnish my checks along with garnishments from loan companies. cars repoed cause he didn't want to work and I couldn't pay for everything myself plus take care of the house bills.Sat many night in the cold and dark cause we couldn't pay our light bill.. Then he would complain I worked to much.. I had to work to try and keep food on the table.We got evicted out of a house lost everything we owned left with only 2 sets of clothes. We lived in our car in the peek of winter for 3 days cause we had no where to live until I got paid. I moved use into a weekly motel where we called home for 3 yrs. I had to hide money at work from my paychecks to save to move into a house.He accuses me of cheating all the time if i don't answer his calls or a text..He calls my work ask if i'm there to so if i answer then hang up. He would check my under clothes and says i had sex with someone or if we ever had sex he would say i'm not TIGHT and who have i been sleeping with.That just made me sick.Mind I did give birth to 5 kids. I have told him many time over and over that i'm not happy and he keeps saying things will get better. Well it's not. I am on Depression medication i have bad anxiety that I don't sleep. I worry about everything and he just don't care.I haven't been happy in yrs and told him many time. I Don't love him like I should.I love him but I'm not in love him. I have a feeling he is cheating again even though he tells me he loves me and don't want to be with anyone else.It's always a fight if I don't tell him I love him.My husband knows i'm not happy and I asked him time and time again for space and to move out. He won't leave. It's not fair to me to stay in my marriage if i'm not happy.But everyone i spoke to says do it for the kids.Okay but what about me?over the last year I have met a young guy/co worker.He was/is someone I could talk to.He knows everything about me and my marriage.He was there when I needed a shoulder to cry on. Recently I have found myself thinking about him more and more. He's told me before that he cares about me.I seen him for the first time in 3 months the other day and I was so happy just chatting with him and being around him.He knows how to make me smile. Then I seen him again and things was different.He kissed me for the first time my heart was racing but i loved it.He was so gentle. I want out but my husband wants me to leave and I'm not leaving without my kids I want my husband to leave but won't cause of the kids.. What am I going to do? I cna't live this way forever! any advice would help

[basilandthyme]

Your friends tell you to stay in a dysfunctional marriage for the kids?! Stop listening to them. All you're doing by staying is modelling that this is how a marriage should look. Your oldest kids may not have escaped learning this, but there's still hope for your younger ones.

Go and get legal advice pronto. Find out what your rights are and how to go about getting away from him.

[Call Me Maybe]

this has to be a troll thread. You wrote an essay about how you're married with 5 kids and can't pay the bills, and then you ask us for advice about a guy you like at work? lol. You should be more concerned about the wellbeing of your children. They don't deserve to have no electricity, no clothes, no house, no car, etc

[ME&MyFeelings]

this has to be a troll thread. You wrote an essay about how you're married with 5 kids and can't pay the bills, and then you ask us for advice about a guy you like at work? lol. You should be more concerned about the wellbeing of your children. They don't deserve to have no electricity, no clothes, no house, no car, etc

thanks for the reply: I was the one who always made sure things got paid. a paycheck only goes so far. My kids know I am there for them and give them anything that they need. their dad is the one that didn't want to work or would get fired to stay at home to watch what I'm doing.But I guess i'm the bad one that worked my Butt off for the Last ten years missed my baby growing up to work and support the family.A real man would not let their Wife work 60 plus hours a week so he can sit on his Butt at home. I was always the one who worked my Butt off but he's the CHEATER really? Everyone needs a friend to talk to or a shoulder to cry on. But I guess living in a Bad marriage is better then being happy.

[Boisdevie]

But I guess living in a Bad marriage is better then being happy.

If you truly believe that then you are one seriously deranged. Get legal advice ASAP.

[smackie9]

If you are able to support yourself and the kids for the last 10 years, what is the point of having him there? All he is, is an extra mouth to feed. Your cost of living would be way cheaper if it was just you and the kids. I hope that makes sense. Get a divorce.

[smackie9]

Everyone needs a friend to talk to or a shoulder to cry on.

Yes I agree, but it's no excuse to have an emotional affair...you may as well as be single.

If he doesn't move out then you move out.

3 of those kids can get bloody jobs and contribute to the household expenses.....no excuse! The 14 year old can get a paper route.

There is no sympathy coming from me. You do have options to get out of this.

[basilandthyme]

A real man would not let their Wife work 60 plus hours a week so he can sit on his Butt at home.

Hon, you do have my sympathy. But enough with the blame game.

If you're wanting to throw around insults, one could equally argue that a real woman would have gotten herself and her kids out of this dysfunctional situation long ago. Please don't put all the blame on him when you chose to stay and accept it.

Go and get that legal advice and get yourself out of there.

[HeartIsAching]

If you believe nothing else - believe this... it WON'T get better, and you're not doing your children ANY favors by staying in a dysfunctional, broken relationship. What they're learning about what relationships are supposed to be like is damage that will echo down through generations unless it's stopped.

Don't walk - run.

[jolene austin]

You are definitely not doing your kids a favor by staying in that marriage! I’m sure you don’t “live” as husband and wife and your kids would know that. They’ve seen so much hard life already…no electricity, living in a car, etc. Do you think they still believe in fairy tales that their mum and dad should be together? I’m sure they will respect you more if you take a stand and leave. But make it clear to your husband that you are not leaving your kids behind with him. As everyone before me has said, get good legal advice asap about your rights. And don’t worry about your kids. They love you and will want to be with you. They know which parent they can trust to love and provide for them always. So get out of this farce of a marriage immediately!