Does this make me a bitch?

[eizhowa]

I am almost 21, and I just got my first kiss this week. I never really felt any pressure to get a boyfriend, although I realize I am quite inexperienced for my age. I have always been very ambitious, top of my class, don't drink/smoke etc. I am quite comfortable on my own, and I am the kind of person who never get bored in my own company.

I met this guy at work, and we talked for an hour or two. I am very talkative at work...A few days later he invited me over to his place and he kissed me. I went along, he seemed nice and I didn't really mind. I met up with him and met him two more times that week. He seems really into me and basically wanted me to be his girlfriend from the start. A true flatterer. I have never been told how cute/wonderful I am in all my life...


The first problem I have is that I am not sure I want to be with him or in a relationship at all, but I feel I have been leading him on. There has been a lot of "cuddling-and-making-out-on-the-couch" going on... I am not very attracted to him. I don't feel the need or want to do anything more than I have already done.

I have never met a lot of men in my previous social circles, but I do get a lot of attention whenever I go out now. I feel so terrible for thinking that I can do better than this guy. He is very sweet when we are alone (I don't really know the "public side" of him, although I have a suspicion his personality is a tad too outgoing/loud). I just don't want to make some newbie mistake and jump at the first opportunity I get...

I am also worried that if I distance myself now things will be awkward at work. He really wants things to become public. The entire idea of it fills me with anxiety. He is constantly telling me about his own feelings, but I have said absolutely nothing. My bodylanguage however should have suggested that I do like him...

I had an importany conversation with a woman I have known for years. She is quite motherly about me, and she kept going on about how I should be careful now. Being young and beautiful and lovely (I really have never gotten so many compliments in a week, it is insane) I should look out for "flatterers" who would try to "tie me down". I felt so stricken. She has no idea that I just meet a flatter...


Does thinking I could do better/kissing him make me a total bitch? I certainly feel like a stone cold bitch right now...


I have also wondered if my feeling are a symptom of something more serious. What if I am the sort of person who have commitment issues Or the even worse; What if I can't fall in love?! I have only ever had superficial crushes...

I have no idea what to do! I feel so lost. And I hate talking about my feelings. I have never in my life felt the need to do so, but of course in a relationship it is expected.


Oh, angst...


Would anyone please just give me some advice/share their experiences about dating people at work, or what to do when a guy likes you more than you like him?

I should also mention that I only work where I do to make money while I study for my masters. I study a subject entirely different from my work, but I will be at work there for a few years.

[vashti]

I don't think there is anything wrong with you; you just don't have any feelings for him. It's good that you work together - you can just tell him you have been re-thinking the wisdom of dating someone you work with, and have decided it's not a good idea.

[Boisdevie]

Are you a bitch? I don't know but I'd put you down in the 'bit stupid' category. You're not attracted to him but spent time making out? I feel sorry for the guy becuase knowingly or unknowingly you've led him on.

[IndiReloaded]

I don't know but I'd put you down in the 'bit stupid' category. You're not attracted to him but spent time making out?

This^. .

[basilandthyme]

Haha, if only the guys I met when I was young had half the sensitivity you do! Honestly, sharing a bit of a kiss and cuddle means nothing the grand scheme of things. This was something I learned the hard way. Sometimes it leads to more and most times it doesn't.

You can do as Vashi suggests and tell him that it's too complicated to date a workmate. Or you can be honest and say that it's just not working for you. Either way will work.

And for what it's worth, I suspect you're hardly the only one who's gotten caught up and found yourself kissing someone that you're not overly attracted to.

Don't be too hard on yourself.

[dickriculous]

I have also wondered if my feeling are a symptom of something more serious. What if I am the sort of person who have commitment issues Or the even worse; What if I can't fall in love?! I have only ever had superficial crushes...

My cousin went most of his life with commitment issues and trust me, the fact that you are not falling for a smotherer who is so desperate to get into your pants and attain your approval that he starts lying to you about how perfect you are and kissing your ass as soon as he meets you is not a symptom of said commitment issues.

I'm sure you can fall in love, just not to a person who treats you like you're the first, last, and only girl he ever has and ever will get to pay him a second thought. When a man treats a woman like that he is conveying that he has no options and all politically correct bullshit aside, that's just not attractive.

My cuz lost what had all the makings of the best relationship he could've had up to that point in his life because as soon as he saw one too many indications that she wanted to commit and he actually felt the same way about her he flipped the fukk out, stopped talking to her/answering her calls, deleted her phone number and got rid of everything that reminded him of her. He knew it was breaking her heart and it broke his and knowing how much it broke her heart broke his that much more and that still didn't motivate him enough to overcome his fear of commitment for her/them.

THAT'S a commitment issue. You don't have that. But you might want to get checked for hypochondria

For what it's worth, I tell myself "i could totally do better than her" all the time. For you this is triggered by guys who exude desperation. For me it's drama queens and girls with entitlement issues. That's not being a bitch, it's having standards.

Now, cuddling/making out with someone you are not attracted to and leading him on to think you want to be with him when you really don't, on the other hand...

[raavn111]

plz share this in short plz.....

i hope you don mind.
...............

[Aleksander]

Telling him you that you don't really like him etc.. wont do anything , in matter of fact he will be " oh hell no she cant reject me " and he will keep pokeing you untill you sleep with him and ualalala ... congratz you are **** buddies but you dont know it yet . Then you fall in low , he breaks your heart then you break his and then you feel like sh1t end of story .
All in all theres nothing wrong with you and congratz 21 and still you know xD Good job , when you fall in love you will know it! Don't be decived !

Adive : Just don't be one of those i wanna see how it is like ( sex ) everybody is doing it so should i , fak that My sign that i was in love was that i had dreams about the person that i was involved with almost every night. Not sexual dreams though there were some but mostly comunication dreams talking laughing etc ...

[Fruitsss]

its stupid to date pple from your work.
cause when there r issues or break up u will feel more bad and akward and everybody will know.
and if he gets mad about the break up he may make your work place a hell.
by telling them how u r at home/in bed.

So that is enough reason to stop it right now.

And if u dont know what u want or where u r going u can better stop it,
Cause therwise u can easy end doing what he wants and feel bad after that.

[HeartIsAching]

It doesn't make you a bitch at all... A bit of a tease maybe, but so what.

Tell him it's not working out for you. Then quit dating people at work.