Boyfriend with Kids & Love Triangle!

[halfloved]

St Hello.

I have posted here before over a year ago when I first moved in with my current bf. Since then things have become a lot different. I did some shifts in attitude and Tada! We fell deeply in love and life was great. I have always had an issue with his suppressed emotions and availability. Which got very bad since we moved from the small mountain town to a bigger city. We have been here for about 4 months and I have really hated it. The house is bigger w more upkeep and stairs! Domestic chores are my domain. Which I wouldn't mind if it were just the two of us. Since there are four of us (he has two kids from ex wife one is his adopted daughter 15 and the other his Bio 7) I love them all. We have had joy sorrow growth and contentment but I recently have come to the conclusion that after two years of playing Susie homemaker and step mom(even though I'm not married or engaged) I just don't like it. I am an artist. A free spirit a bit of a hermit even. The kids and house take all my time. They are in general good kids and I have bonded with the younger one very much. The teenager is manipulative lazy lying sneaky spoiled and has a terrible attitude. She's too much for me to handle and sometimes my bf defends her manipulative ways. Most of the issues between my bf and I from past threads have been resolved. Except his receptivity to my emotions. For over 2 months if not the entire time he has trivialized dismissed and sometimes just left me in my darkest emotional hour. That took its toll. I'm good enough to be sexy betty crocker ready to get spanked and screwed but when it comes down to my deepest needs...forget it. I talked w several others who felt this was unfair and maybe I should leave. I took a week long break to stay at an apartment in a different city. That seemed to awaken him. He seems very willing to try but I just don't know if I can put up with the kids. I started taking music lessons and I have found myself deeply enamored with my teacher. He is emotionally receptive open intelligent beyond beleif and just become a wonderful friend and confidant. If I were to leave my current relationship I would not start another one. I would not want to be with the music guy. I would want to be on my own. It sounds exciting to live for myself again. Problem is that I really do love my bf. Just don't know if that's enough. ESP since the kids will always be there. I also would be moving about 80 miles away and I attend school in my current city. I'm not sure if I am already too rooted here. I feel stuck. I prob would have left if there weren't all these entanglements. What do you think? Should I stay or should I go?

[bcgirl]

First off, they are his children. You can't tell him how to raise his kids or that his daughter is a brat. Of course a father is going to pick his own daughter over a gf. What kinds of "needs" do u have? U want him to be more loving and emotional? Perhaps his personality isn't as "lovey dovey" as yours. Which makes you not that compatible.

[PradaChanel]

Well if your living in the house too then you did have a right to voice your opinion if you feel like the daughter is being all of which you said. However, I dont suggest calling her a brat because Im sure thats not her name and that in itself would be an issue and you cant expect for someone to receive what you said when you came at them like that.

Maybe you do need to move out. If you cant handle it then go and let him be a father to his kids because thats more important. If you want to be free then flyy. You shouldnt be there feeling this way. Your depriving yourself and them also.

[Fruitsss]

If this is the truth and the way things really go's there, I think it was not a good idea to live together if u r not his wife.
Cause living together stands for temporary! Or as long as its fun/ or im not shore about u so
let me try u and use u and if u get annoyed i will end this.

And i always say never date people with kids.
They need love 2 maybe but i think they are always trouble and drama,

Those kids are not yours. The only reason u r there is first for him cause u like him.
So u got the kids also in the package.

People with kids can be a drama, but with adoptive kids much more.
Cause those kids have a extra baggage, and that can come out especially in their puberty,
When they start asking themselves who am i , who is my parents, why am i different and so on,

So think u did not think and fnd out what its like to jump in such a relationship.
And i think u can better go for your own happiness.
U dont have a obligation towards them.
But shore it will be good and nice if u leave in a nice way. In a way that
they can feel free to contact u if they miss u. And maybe they can come some weekends to u and so on.
Since u did take part of their lifes. And at the end they still kids. So they dont know the consequences of
their behavior so well.
Thats way kids need good parents that guide them and discipline them,
And i think your bf need to be that person and at least got on one line with u at certain points.

And watch out! Maybe he just saw that no body is cleaning cooking, and that why i wanted u back.
U dont have to be a slave. the older kid can help cleaning easily and the youngest can do some 2.
ANd your bf for shore can help,

Maybe u entered as a maid in the relationship just like your bf wanted his gl to be for him and his kids.

Go for your dreams and make it happen. I think u did all of that cause u was stupid inlove. But now
u are realizing what it is and u dont want it anymore. Its okay!
Move on and keep in contact with the kids , in a nice way.
At the end u dont have the kind of voice u want in the kids lifes and u can never win from the 3 of them
cause simply u r not his wife or their parents.

Let him handle what he created. U was there u did your best. now its time for u to look out for yourself.
And next time think and find out first the good and bad sides etc. before jumping into stuff.

[halfloved]

Fruitsss! You have totally helped. I am not annoyed in the slightest! I should have looked before I lept. I should have, but now I know. I am planning to leave in a nice way with minimal drama and pain for everyone. You addressed my question, unlike the first poster. Thank you for taking the time to do that. Best Wishes to YOU!

[Fruitsss]

Fruitsss! You have totally helped. I am not annoyed in the slightest! I should have looked before I lept. I should have, but now I know. I am planning to leave in a nice way with minimal drama and pain for everyone. You addressed my question, unlike the first poster. Thank you for taking the time to do that. Best Wishes to YOU!

thank u i could help. all the best.

[Fruitsss]

plse click on the star to thanks me

[steviej]

Totally agree with fruitsss, get out of there!

[IndiReloaded]

That was a really good rely Fruitss/Cheekxx (except for the spelling).

Except his receptivity to my emotions. For over 2 months if not the entire time he has trivialized dismissed and sometimes just left me in my darkest emotional hour. That took its toll. I'm good enough to be sexy betty crocker ready to get spanked and screwed but when it comes down to my deepest needs...forget it.

This^ part of who he is unfortunately won't change. Emotional openness is a trait learned in childhood. He probably comes from background where things 'aren't discussed'. You'll have choose: leave and find someone who is more compatible, or find a way to ignore your need for emotional connection b/c he won't be able to meet it. But don't expect him to change. Even if he wanted to (doesn't sound like it), he probably can't.

The rest about his children I agree with. But I also think that if he was more emotionally connected to you, then the issue with his kids would be easier for you to bear. You basically sound like an in-house maid and mistress.