First Date ... Holy Sh*t!

[C1d6OC]

Yup, that's right. 2 months since my breakup and I had my first date. However, I wasn't the one that did the asking AND I didn't think that it was a date in the first place. Confusing I know. Well in any case, I made ONE mistake the whole night and had her to my place (big NO NO!) but we hung out for the night and then where things went wrong is next.

I was in her driveway and gave her a hug and she gave me a kiss on the cheek, fine no problem, but then she leans in for a kiss on my lips. So I'm not kissing back really and not feeling this at all. Well that lasted for 10 seconds and then I told her that I was NOT into dating her and said that I just wasn't ready. Just so you all know, I'm not interested in this girl in that way at all. Anyway, so she leans on me for a bit then kisses me AGAIN. This time she slips out the tongue, well acting on reaction, we french kissed, but if you understood my position, it's not easy to just push her away and say it's not what I want. Then we talked again. I told her AGAIN that I wasn't feeling this then she tells me she likes me, she wants to wait for me and is not looking for commitment.

I'm not in for this whole friends with benefits thing. Well the night pretty much ended up with her embarrassed and she tells me that she tends to get what she wants. I was like at this point. The next few days, just a few hellos and apologies. I accepted her apologies, but I was frustrated.

Not looking for any advice, because I don't think i did anything wrong, however I just want to hear what some of you have to say about your experiences in a situation like this and how you reacted. Also, it's going to be a bit awkward, because I will see her every sunday in rehearsal, but I'm cool. I'll be fine. Any thoughts would be great.

Cdoc

[yoshikuni]

Did she have any drinks that night?

[C1d6OC]

haha...nope we were completely sober

Cdoc

[al407]

Sounds like she needs some attention and love and she's looking in the wrong places...perceived safe place...you.

[BlackRose]

She sounds too desperate. You deserve better then that. She didn't take no for an answer and that is a big red flag that she doesn't respect your feelings. If she doesn't now, she never will. As for the no commitment thing, that's just awkward. I don't think I could be intimate with someone I didn't have feelings for. Plus, you said you weren't into it. There isn't much that was going to force you to be that way. A little french kissing isn't going to solve it. She sounds like a spoiled princess and I'd stay away from her. Get yourself a nice lady friend that you can just chill with. If things become more later on, then so be it. It's better off that you have that friend connection first. Those types of relationships last longer (for the most part). Well, I don't think you did anything wrong. The girl just didn't get the point. Oh well. Just move on buddy...

[Chlorine]

C1D60c----She likes you, so she must have taken your 'yes' to the date as being "yes, he likes me too".

Embaressing situation, but I think you handled it well.

[bohemiandonut]

Hahahaha! Cdoc, once again, I can totally relate.

I too have had my first "romantic experience" since my breakup, though romance wasn't really involved at all, at least on my part.

Mine was actually with my ex's old friend, a girl I met at the same time as her, very cute and I actually liked her before I ended up with the current ex. She was more indifferent to me, which explains my attraction to her at that point.

Well, last week I took her to a party. We were sitting outside and I offered her a chair, but she preferred to sit on my lap. She was blabbering on about feeling "loving" and wanting to "make out," and I was just pretty indifferent, even though that was the purpose of taking her to the party.

Anyway, later that night we were alone. I gave her my jacket (it was cold) but pulled her close to me to "keep me warm." I felt totally numb at this point, like an actor reading a script he doesn't necessarily care much about. We started kissing eachothers' necks, lips, yada yada yada, etc... Are you starting to get an idea of how "not into it" I was?

Well, lucky for me she didn't press for anything. The whole time I was kissing her I was just thinking, "Oh God no, donut, DO NOT let this happen again, DO NOT!" I'm simply not ready for it I suppose... Or maybe she was too easy. I think we need a challenge, don't you Cdoc?

Peace.

[Chlorine]

Donut----It amazes me how you can detach yourself from an intimate moment. That must be a defense against getting hurt again.

[bohemiandonut]

Donut----It amazes me how you can detach yourself from an intimate moment. That must be a defense against getting hurt again.

Duh.

That was my point! And amazing I am.

Peace

[C1d6OC]

Thanks for the responses everyone. Now here's the thing. I'm having another problem. Maybe should post this as a new thread, but I think I'll just keep it here. There's this other girl that I actually AM interested in and well it just so happens that she is interested in me. We are going on a date on Saturday. I'm looking forward to it, however, I'm just afraid that I will like it too much. As much as I'd like to get over the ex, I'm a little scared to believe it or not. Now, Donut - wonder if you're in the same boat now...lol. Just kiddin' man.

I know feelings like this are normal, but I'm just a bit hesitant to go anywhere with this. Now the girl that I'm dating knows I just got out of a relationship as well and totally understands that getting emotionally involved is not a good idea right now. I just hope I'm not bringing myself into a situation where she might end up being a rebound and I not realize it you know. This girl is a great friend of mine and I don't want to hurt her like that. What are your thoughts guys? I'm a little stuck on this one. Thanks.

Cdoc

[bohemiandonut]

Ahahaha! This never ceases to amaze me, I actually am in the same boat... or at least, a very similar-looking one.

Today this girl I really don't know at all, but joke with sometimes, was all over me. I was really confused, but mostly amused. I always tell her that I am the founder of the "Singing Club" that she is in. Anyway, she dragged me over to the club to meet my, well I call them my "groupies." (Note: I have nothing to do with this club other than showing up on the first day and declaring myself the founder. I am not.)

She was touching me constantly, making sexual innuendo, looking at me... I was, again, relatively indifferent, but a bit more interested than I was last time. This was really totally bizarre to me, I wish I could have seen it, there was hardly a moment that went by without her making some attempt to touch me.

I honestly have not spoken more than a quick (though lighthearted) conversation with her in passing. This is totally random and utterly unprecedented.

Doc: So you see, your boat is a little deeper than mine. But my boat wears short skirts and tells me what kind of underwear she is wearing (my boat wears white thongs, apparently.) I plan to just have fun with it. I would recommend you do the same. Protect yourself for a while longer. Luckily for me, I feel nothing emotionally towards her whatsoever... I can tell that you have at least some affection for your boat. But don't let that bother you. You should read Camus' "The Stranger" for an idea of the kind of indifference that will allow you to sail your boat without sinking.

Anchors away!

[C1d6OC]

I'll keep an eye out for that book Donut.

And it never ceases to amaze me that you STILL seem to be in the same damn boat!!

You are right, I do have at lease some affection, but I'm scared of it. With you, it's you could care less, because you don't like them or do you? and just aren't going to admit it yet? The mind works weird.

Last night I was talking to this so called "date" and a buddy of mine. How things can change in a matter of hours, I'll never understand, but the conversation on both sides with this person -it almost seemed like we were BOTH trying to back away from this. I think it makes sense though, because we are such good friends. I may want to approach her on it, but I'm not sure. If I confront her and tell her that perhaps the sacrifice of friends is too much, she might get upset, however, she might be thinking the same and she could be scared to tell me.

I think that Saturday night will have the answers to these questions, but all this operatic crap going on in my life with my previous date and being attracted to other people too has made me want to just throw my book down and walk away. If that makes sense.

In any case, wish me luck for Saturday...I may or may not need it.

Cdoc

[bohemiandonut]

I just realized something: The only thing I love is beauty.

If the current girl was beautiful, I would love her. Nothing would have to change except her face. But she's not and I don't. Cute enough for some fun, but...

I feel... shallow.