Cyber cheating?

[Coops12]

Hi I'm completely knew to this but I just wanted some impartial advice. I found out that my boyfriend of 5.5 years had online sex chat with a random girl who added him on facebook, she asked him for a picture of his intimate parts and he sent one. He says he felt ashamed of what he was doing at that point and ended the contact with her. He didn't tell me (i saw the picture on his email) and says he tried to block it from his mind. He doesnt feel like he has cheated on me but he says I should feel like he has because he understands what he's done. He is more than ashamed of his actions and he says (and I believe him) that it meant nothing and he just saw it as porn that went a bit too far (i'm fine with him watching porn). I love him terribly and our relationship has been amazing up until now (with a slight a blip a year ago when he was suffering with depression). He now tells me he never wants me to leave him but that he doesnt feel he deserves me because he's so disgusted with himself. I just want to know peoples thoughts on my situation and whether you think he has cheated on me? I want to stay with him but I don't want to be a fool......thanks.

[Fruitsss]

u do what u want. leaving him cause we tell u that ,will let u go back anyway.

so make your discussion based on your morals and mentality.

[Fruitsss]

and i dont think u can say stuff like for ever or never leave me.
cause those r promises that u cant keep cause u dont know how life will go etc.

[pisces25]

He seems quite remorseful. If he genuinely has learnt from this mistake and everything else is ok in the relationship I'd forgive him. Sometimes people do silly things, it's human nature. The difference is what the person does after the mistake.

[Coops12]

Thank you for your reply. He feels scared that he will hurt me again even though he doesnt want to, but he doesnt even trust his own behaviour after what he has done. I guess time will tell perhaps?.

[pisces25]

It didn't say that in your original post, about him being scared he will hurt you again through his actions.

[Coops12]

Well he has no intention of hurting me again and obviously couldnt bare to, but he didn't have any intention of hurting me before. He's struggling to come to terms with hurting me this time and feels like he doesn't have control of anything apart from how much he loves me. It's all very confusing!

[pisces25]

That is why I think he is genuinely remorseful and probably won't do it again. Not that it can be guaranteed but he seems to have learned his lesson. Give it time. You will need to rebuild that trust.

[Coops12]

Thank, your replies really make me hopeful.

[bcgirl]

Thank you for your reply. He feels scared that he will hurt me again even though he doesnt want to, but he doesnt even trust his own behaviour after what he has done. I guess time will tell perhaps?.

I would take this statement as a huge red flag. There is something deeper than just the surface of having cyber sex once. He is pretty much flat out telling you he can't be trusted. Perhaps he's done it more than once and is addicted? Perhaps he's had cyber sex with other dudes? Or figured out some kinky thing he needs that he can't find with you. There can be a million reasons that he won't feel comfortable sharing with you, but you will most likely get hurt in the future with him. And hurt badly

[Coops12]

Guess it was deeper than I thought he told me last that there were also 3 girls that he's kissed on various nights out, so we're over. I haven't even spoken to him, just quietly lost half of my life and my future! Devastated! Thanks for your posts.

[bcgirl]

5.5 years is not even close to half your life. I knew it was more to it than just that. Usually there is much more than the tip of the iceberg. Now what u need to do is be strong. Go absolute no contact. No emailing, no phone calls, no texting, no being "just friends". Eventually time will heal the pain