Need help, very confused.

[Kimi.George]

Not only am I confused, I am heartbroken. I was friends with this guy for over 2 years before we actually started dating. (mostly on fb and over the phone because we lived in different states) We would talk and flirt all the time. Well, now we live in the same state (same area, in fact) and we started hanging out and I REALLY started to like him. Him and I eventually became official. I was so happy to be with him, I enjoyed his company and bed time was amazing (if you know what I mean) well, the problem is, him and I are a lot alike so we bumped heads a lot. We have both been under a lot of stress (me with work and him with money) so there seem to be a lot of tension. Yes, we both had our good days and had fun, but there was still a lot of stress. However, at the beginning he told me he was in it for the long run, he can see himself with me forever, and he promised he would never hurt me. At one point, him and I got into a huge argument and he decided that maybe we shouldn't be together, that tore me apart, but it was only 2 days before he contacted me again saying that he doesn't want to give up. We got back together and it was good again. A few weeks later (which is now a week ago) I was having a bad morning (I was just in a bad mood and wanted to be alone for a few minutes) it seems as if he took that the wrong way and he started packing his stuff, told me that we were not meant to be together, and he left. I cannot believe I didn't stop him. He still hasn't talked to me, he even deleted me off of FB, and looks as if he will never speak to me again. I have gone through hell this past week because how terribly I miss him. I didn't even realize how much I care about him until after he left. It's devastating to think that it could really be over this time... Oh and we were literally only official for about a month! ...but I think I fell so hard for him because we were hanging our and flirting for a few months before that plus we were friends for a couple of years before THAT. Now, I just wish I knew how he is feeling. I keep wondering if he will contact me again. I need a guys perspective on this, so you think he will come around? I just wish he would see that yes, there was some stress, but it could work if he just tried a little harder. If someone can give me some advice, that would be great! Thx guys!

[Boisdevie]

One small dispute normally isn't enough to cause a breakup. So I suspect he was getting pissed off with you for some time and that last arguement was just too much. Will he come around? I doubt it very much.

Oh and is 'bed time' a bit like having sex, you know, shagging?

[Kimi.George]

Yes, I'm talking about sex. LOL

I guess I'm just torn because he is the one that reminded me that every relationship has issues and all it takes is communication to work things out. He also mentioned, that he knows most of the issues were caused by him. So, why he would choose not to speak to me anymore... I don't know.

[basilandthyme]

If he caused most of the issues, you have to ask yourself why you want him back. Are you a glutton for punishment?

Not only that, but if a relationship crashes and burns within only one month of being official, it's really not worth saving

[Kimi.George]

What's hard is that I never got any closure. I keep wondering if he is going to contact me, I've had a couple of guys say that he probably will but it's already been a week. Does it take longer for some guys? I don't understand why he would just cut me out of his life so easily.

I wish I knew how to let go and accept it... At least for now...

[Fruitsss]

2 years chatting thats noting. u dont know each other.

once u got together u started knowing each other.

so now u know its not a match so move on.
stop wasting time on long distance chat people. cause u cant know each other like that.

[smackie9]

Sometimes it takes up to 3 months for a guy to change his mind. Hell if you guys only lasted a month, it won't get any better second time around anyways.

[love&otherdrugs]

What's hard is that I never got any closure. I keep wondering if he is going to contact me,...

Do you really want the closure? Or do you want an excuse to talk to him and try to work things out? I only ask this because I went through a situation with my current ex, where I told myself and everyone else "I just want to talk with him to have some closure and move on," but really I wanted to be able to speak with him to try and work it out and change his mind. BAD IDEA.

If you really do want some closure, I can give you more advice on how to obtain that. I'm still battling my own demons, but the advice my therapist gave me in order to receive closure with my ex was amazing, and although it hurt hearing some of the things he had to say, I got answers... answers that I could live with, answers that helped me move on.

[Kimi.George]

I get everything you are all saying and I appreciate it. I'm at a point now where I am not holding on to anyone or anything anymore. I just want to focus on myself. I deserve to be happy whether that means to be single or not...

I also keep telling myself that whatever is meant to happen, will happen. It's time to put it in God's hands and accept the things I cannot change. Trust me when I say this though, it's hard following my own advice but I am trying my best to.

[basilandthyme]

Closure is something you can give yourself. It's all about acceptance and a willingness to move forward.

[Kimi.George]

Very true. ^^

[desktop]

I get everything you are all saying and I appreciate it. I'm at a point now where I am not holding on to anyone or anything anymore. I just want to focus on myself. I deserve to be happy whether that means to be single or not...

I also keep telling myself that whatever is meant to happen, will happen. It's time to put it in God's hands and accept the things I cannot change. Trust me when I say this though, it's hard following my own advice but I am trying my best to.

Hi Kimi,

I read what happened and I am very sorry. I know what that feels like, because I recently broke up with the "love of my life" (we first dated when we were kids, then reunited again after not seeing each other for thirty years last July 4). It's not pleasant having you heart broken and then not having any closure, but like the people here have said it is time for you to move on and it seems like you have accepted that. That's great that you have realized you must do this, because me and my ex broke up last Christmas and it took me eight months to come to that conclusion.

The key thing to remember is what you said—you deserve to be happy. Yes, you do, and you also need someone who is going to invest in you as much as you invest in them.

[love&otherdrugs]

I also keep telling myself that whatever is meant to happen, will happen. It's time to put it in God's hands and accept the things I cannot change.

Atta girl!!! You seriously should know how strong you sound. Keep telling yourself this, keep praying, whether you are having a strong day, or a weak one. I know it's hard following your own advice. I seem to be able to give advice, but not take my own, haha!

The best thing that is keeping me happy from moment to moment is working on ME, literally. I started working out more, eating healthy, used the money I had saved up for trips to visit him in CO to buy myself a ticket to Hawaii this summer with my girlfriends.

Try setting small goals for yourself, and when you achieve them, treat yourself! For example, my current goal is: If I can go from now until Sunday without looking at ANY of his social media apps or profiles, I will treat myself to a Christmas-themed manicure on Sunday afternoon.

^^ I did this because it has been FOREVER since I went to get a manicure (we're talking 3-4 years), and I really would like to get one, but haven't brought myself spoil myself. This way, the spoiling is justified by being strong. I did the same thing when I needed to gain strength to not speak to him. I promised myself if I could go one full week without contacting him or responding when he initiated contact, I'd buy myself two new sweater tops/dresses. I made it, and it's now been 2 weeks since I've spoken with him, and I have two very cute additions to my wardrobe.

It may seem silly, but these goals really do work. It's the little day-to-day tasks and consistent praying that helps me get through the turmoil, the nostalgia, and the terrible curiosity that consumes me. I hope it helps you, as well!

[aforester]

There is definitely something larger here. Who knows if he comes back, but I can tell you that if he leaves you that quickly and for that small of an infraction (a bad morning) then you might love him, but it will serve you better to get over him. A life together with that kind of action would be intolerable (I know you aren't talking marriage, but that is the logical conclusion if you love him...if not marriage then living together). I promise that you'll get over the guy who storms out over a "bad morning." You'll also be surprised how quickly it happens.

[Kimi.George]

Hey everyone, thank you so much for all of the replies. It means a lot to have support, even from those that I have never met!

-desktop, I am sorry that you have been going through the same, but I am also glad you are able to finally move forward... and I will definitely try my best to remind myself that I deserve to be happy.

-love&otherdrugs, thank you! (hehe) I am trying to be strong and I absolutely love your advice. While I was reading, I kept nodding my head and smiling. I am definitely going to try that! It actually sounds kind of fun. I haven't checked up on him or tried to contact him, however, I still seem to cry over him and I think what I will do is give myself a goal, try and go 2 days without being sad over him, and if I can do that, treat myself to something nice. ...and it doesn't seem silly at all! There is nothing wrong with treating yourself, that's the beauty of being a girl, those kind of things make us happy!

-aforester, I am trying for sure! It is much easier said than done, but I do understand that life would be pretty difficult if he reacts to me just being in a bad mood, and if he were to come back and actually want to stay, there would need to be a LOT of changes... but in the meantime, I do hope I can get over him quickly.

One thing I learned yesterday is being happy is a choice... so I made that choice today. I know at times, negative thoughts will hit me and it will be a little difficult, but I need to keep telling myself that I am making the choice to be happy.