Fiance cheated with prostitute in amsterdam

[dilema]

My fiancé got a blowjob from a prostitute in Amsterdam while he was on his friend’s stag weekend. The day he got back I asked him if he’d had a good time and what they got up to, he said they spent most of their time in bars drinking and he didn’t remember much of it. I asked him jokingly if he’d been to any prostitutes and he said he couldn’t remember. I wasn’t expecting that answer so I asked him what he meant and that’s when he told me. I don’t know why I asked him.

It was a shock, I trusted him 100%. I just can’t believe he’s done this. We’ve been together for six years and we had a good relationship. I get on well with his family and my family like him. The only issue we’ve ever had is that he gets jealous and doesn’t like it when I go out with my friends.

He keeps saying he’s sorry and that he loves me, he’s begging me to give him another chance. He says it was a drunken mistake and that everyone else was doing it. But, I just think he must have thought about it to go in, ask for it and then pay for it. He either didn’t think of me or if he did, he just didn’t care.

I’ve told him I want some space and not to contact me for a few days but he still phoned me this morning crying and saying he’s sorry and he can’t believe he did it. I keep imagining it in my head and going over what he’s said to me. I love him but I don’t know if I can forgive him for this. What shall I do?

[Fruitsss]

So he was in Holland and got bj?

Sounds like u want to tell us a funny story. hahahha

Even thou its not. Anyway u r not married so u can easily break up.

And i dont know what kind of values u add into a relationship so do what u think is right.
Cause im shore at the end u will answer his calls and have sex with him without letting him go for a test and marry him.

I only wonder if someone can do that just a weekend that he was away, how much more can he do when he
gets more opportunity.

[searock3]

Just be grateful he never got his ass violated, like what happened to a friend of mine when he went there. Getting a bj in Amsterdam isnt the stupidest thing he has done, that would be telling you, and expecting you not to get all pissy about it. Todays modern man baffles me.

[Wakeup]

The only issue we’ve ever had is that he gets jealous and doesn’t like it when I go out with my friends.

Well, no wonder he gets jealous if he thinks you're doing what he's doing when he goes out with his friends.

I love him but I don’t know if I can forgive him for this. What shall I do?

Shit or get off the pot. You either can forgive him and get on with your relationship or you can't in which case you should quit torturing him and tell him it's over or it's on but you want him to get STD tested and the if he ever does anything like this again and you find out about it (which you will one way or the other) you will banish him and his lying ass from your life forever.

You don't get to keep him in your life and keep punishing him though. Either you forgive and carry on or you don't and you leave. Remember that if you keep him and you want to throw it into his face on your next disagreement or when he goes out with the same friends and you don't want him to because you can't trust him now.

No point in staying in a realtionship where you have a need to punish.

[dilema]

I haven't had sex with him since he got back luckily. I've told him to get tested for std's and that I want to see the paper. I feel like he told me to offload his guilt. I don't what he was expecting me to say.

[Maple1714]

Yeah, why did he tell you? Now you are mad and he is crying about it...

It would be hard to get that mental picture out of your head, but all in all it's not the biggest deal. It's \ gross, but he is a dude and he wanted a BJ. A least it wasn't from your best friend. Do you give him regular blow jobs? A friend of mine gives her BF a blow job every morning when he wakes up...she says even if she doesn't want to she just does it to make up for her giving him a hard time lol. Whatever works I guess.

[dilema]

Just saw you reply wake up. He says he doesn't expect me to forgive him straight away and that he just wants me to give him a chance. I've tried finishing with him but he just keeps crying and its making me confused.

[Wakeup]

Yes.. he told you to offload his guilt. Also so if it got back to you from one of these so called friends and he hadn't told you, you'd be embarassed as well as devasted due to his behaviour so he's doing what you call damage control, I'd imagine.

Your call what you do now. Are any of his male friends in committed relationships?

[dilema]

Lol, I don't give them every morning but I'm not a prude!

[dilema]

Yes.. he told you to offload his guilt. Also so if it got back to you from one of these so called friends and he hadn't told you, you'd be embarassed as well as devasted due to his behaviour so he's doing what you call damage control, I'd imagine.

Your call what you do now. Are any of his male friends in committed relationships?

Yes a lot of the friends that were there are married or engaged, he said they were all doing it.

[Wakeup]

Lovely. He'll be an outcast now that he's ratted them out too.

There is one consolation here albeit a small one, it's the fact that he does feel guilt. If he didn't, then the chances of him doing it again would be far greater. For example: Searock3 (post #3) would be far more likely to cheat again then would your fiance.

[HeartIsAching]

The only issue we’ve ever had is that he gets jealous and doesn’t like it when I go out with my friends.

Time to put on your big girl panties and face some cold, hard truths:

He treats you like that because he doesn't trust you. He doesn't trust you because he knows how HE is, and thinks you're no better. I'd wager this wasn't the first time.

He either didn’t think of me or if he did, he just didn’t care.

Exactly right. When a S/O says "She/he didn't mean anything"... how then do you rate? You must've meant even less at that point.

I’ve told him I want some space and not to contact me for a few days but he still phoned me this morning crying and saying he’s sorry and he can’t believe he did it.

And here he's disrespecting your wishes. Putting what HE wants over what YOU want.

So - he doesn't trust you, he cheats on you, and he doesn't respect you. What are you going to do about it?

[dilema]

Lovely. He'll be an outcast now that he's ratted them out too.

There is one consolation here albeit a small one, it's the fact that he does feel guilt. If he didn't, then the chances of him doing it again would be far greater. For example: Searock3 (post #3) would be far more likely to cheat again then would your fiance.

I know, I won't say anything to any of them because it's none of my business. It feels like he's just trying to make excuses though. At the end of the day if he loves me like he says he does he wouldn't have done it would he?

[HeartIsAching]

I know, I won't say anything to any of them because it's none of my business. It feels like he's just trying to make excuses though. At the end of the day if he loves me like he says he does he wouldn't have done it would he?

Nope. He wouldn't.

[Wakeup]

^^ contrary to HIA opinion.. Oh, he can certainly love you and still do it. The two are'nt mutally exclusive by any means. Why do you think people "cheat" because they want the extra and keep who they have as well. Seems your dude has regrets for wanting his cake and eating it too. Did you ask him what compelled him (other then "everyone else was doing it") *such a lame and pathetic thing to say btw.