How to let an older and "unattractive" man understand that I find him attractive?

[Sansa-sansa]

I just wondered if it is important that I ask him out for a drink in person? I have his cell phone number (not personal, but because we are in the same groupe in a class. Would it be all right to text him? Or do I have to wait until the next time I meet him? I would prefer to do it face to face, but is it really that importante?

[Wakeup]

Oh for goodness sakes then ask him for coffee. What you do together is not the point.

[Sansa-sansa]

Sorry, I'm just nervous. Thanks for the answers.

[Wakeup]

Good luck. keep in mind that you only want a fk buddy. He may not be the type for such a thing so I'll tell you what I tell all the men that are doing sex without committment... be upfront with your intentions so he knows going in that you don't want any kind of a commitment. (If you are afraid to ask him out then how will you have the gurl ballzzz to ask for sex without commitment?)

[Sansa-sansa]

I'm not looking for a **** buddy. I'm not looking for a boyfriend. Maybe something in between. Or, it depends on what you mean with boyfriend. I don't want to move together with someone in the near future. Of course he may not be interested, but one step at a time.

When, if ever, we get to know each other better, I will have the guts to tell what I want, of course! But I think it would be strange to bring it up early.

[Wakeup]

... So, you'll lead him on then? You see, this is why most times, casual sexual relationships leave someone hurt and confused.
Can you explain to me what is "in between" a boyfriend and a fk buddy? I'm not sure what that would be. What exactly is your definition of:

I don't think I want to enter a serious relationship, but something less ambitious.

[Fruitsss]

no body give a dam about how u look girl. if u have to talk so much about it is cause u are insecure or uglt\y

[Sansa-sansa]

Maybe we just have different definitions. A fk buddy is for me a guy you only have sex with and maybe watch a movie now and then, someone you don't care especially for. I want to go out with him, cook with him, talk with him, have sex with him and so on. I care for him, I find him fascinating and interesting. I just don't want to tilt into a relationship where we see each other more than about two times a week. My last relationship ended because it went way to fast. We practically lived together after a month... I need my space.

I would not call it "lead him on", because, well, when you date someone (or whatever to call it), is it a promise of something more? Of course, if you see each other often or in a long period of time, thats something else. And it is naturally to have the conversation about "us". I would talk about it before that. I'm pretty sure that IF I find out that he is attracted to me too and IF we are intimate, that he wouldn't think of me as his girlfriend automatically. If I kiss a guy I don't go: ooooh, we are going to get married! It is so different what people things. Or what do you think I should do?

[Sansa-sansa]

no body give a dam about how u look girl. if u have to talk so much about it is cause u are insecure or uglt\y

I know you don't care, of course. Yes, I'm insecure, as I said, but not about my looks. I brought it up because I think he may put me in "friend zone" because he would maybe think that a young (the age gap is more importante I think) and pretty girl want a young and handsome man. I don't get why you make such a big deal out of the part about looks.
If it makes it easier for you to understand, just think of me as ugly.

[Wakeup]

Maybe we just have different definitions. A fk buddy is for me a guy you only have sex with and maybe watch a movie now and then, someone you don't care especially for. I want to go out with him, cook with him, talk with him, have sex with him and so on. I care for him, I find him fascinating and interesting. I just don't want to tilt into a relationship where we see each other more than about two times a week. My last relationship ended because it went way to fast. We practically lived together after a month... I need my space.

I would not call it "lead him on", because, well, when you date someone (or whatever to call it), is it a promise of something more? Of course, if you see each other often or in a long period of time, thats something else. And it is naturally to have the conversation about "us". I would talk about it before that. I'm pretty sure that IF I find out that he is attracted to me too and IF we are intimate, that he wouldn't think of me as his girlfriend automatically. If I kiss a guy I don't go: ooooh, we are going to get married! It is so different what people things. Or what do you think I should do?

Okay... yes you are now describing a relationship that entails more than just sex. Your opening post gave the impression you just wanted sex and not much else. You seem to want a relationship without being smothered by it which is what most people want while they are just getting to know someone.

[Sansa-sansa]

Yes, that seems right. Sorry that my first post was misleading.

[haxan]

You described a full relationship. Ugly or not, he's probably not going to find you very interesting because you have no life experiences. I'd say you can accomplish what you want, because other than busting a nut, I don't think he'd get too attached because of your age.

[AnnonymousMan]

You seem like a hoe bag in my opinion since this guy is probably your instructor or a janitor (jkz). If you want to **** this dude I am almost positive he wants to **** you back considering the way you describe him. Assuming you are herpes free I suggest you ask him on a date. You seem pretty confident and all of that so make the first move. If he is insecure about how he looks than ask him if he would prefer to pass you up and date a butt ugly beast. I am sure he will think twice after that and jump on you.

On a side note, if this dude has issues with how young you are, then stop tempting him to go against his grain or it will only come back to bite you in the ass later.

[toknow]

Don't waste your time answering the offending posts, they stem from the poster's own personal insecurities, and have nothing to do with you.

You are correct that we look for people more like ourselves. And the fact that you are attracted to a more mature male shows that you yourself are mentally more mature for your age. From what you said it seems you are attracted to his intellect - if that's the case, that's a very good thing. Looks fade before you can blink, but what is left is important and if you depend on looks, you are left with little in the end - there has to be something more, and it's a good thing that you are noticing that "something" and that's what you are attracted to, because that part is the part that lasts.

Don't put too much thought into it, let it happen naturally and it will work out best that way. What happens is, as feelings get involved we start craving that person who provokes those feelings in us. That's where it gets harder and harder to keep things happening naturally, and we start forcing things. The only way to get close to someone is to get to know them - talk to them. You can live with someone for years, but if you never talk you will feel like strangers, so communication is very important.

[AnnonymousMan]

And the fact that you are attracted to a more mature male shows that you yourself are mentally more mature for your age.

Attraction towards a dude who is that much older shows she is mature? Please, tell me more about your views on what maturity means and perhaps intelligence.