Country boy here, dating city girl... geographically undesirable?

[Turbo]

Hello,
a friend of mine sets me up with a women from the city (NYC), I live out on Long Island (somewhat rural section of it on the water).

Tonight will be our second date, first she came out here, went well. Heading into the city later this afternoon to meet her. The trip will take about an hour or so (I expect).

My idea of a awesome day is boat (or walk somewhere in cooler months) during daylight hours, then steak on my grille (not going to overpay at a steakhouse...why?), and some domestic beer in front of the bonfire or in the hot tub. Ideally want a women who is about 15 mins away, who can stop over and enjoys similar things, this chick is far from that, but something I have never tried (dating city women).

I asked her what she does for fun, she replies "go out a few times a week". I did let her know how little I participate in such activity, lol.

"Going Out" is not my thing... perhaps I think too logically, but I like my environment and don't see any return on going to a crowded bar with a bunch of squared-off-elf-shoe wearing folks who put way too much effort into dress, overpaying for drinks, having to drive after, and being there WITH a potential SO on top of it all!! YES, I have done it, and thought "why am I here?", so it's not like I haven't been exposed to this stuff including Broadway Shows, concerts, museums, etc (I leave thinking "that was cool, but way too much effort required").

We will see!

Thanks.

[Gargul]

Well, it really depends on who she is. I don't see how anyone could answer this question, since preferences vary so widely. I love country men (especially Southern ones), but I haven't been raised in the country myself. However, I know for a fact that a friend of mine absolutely hates country men for some reason, and she's a "city person", too. It really does depend. But good luck!

[Fruitsss]

also by open this topic u need to adapt to the person or place u r going.

u r the one that wants her to fall for u. so u need to give some to get some.
u dont have to be a stranger to yourself but at least give her the impression u adapt some how to what she
is or like.
Like maybe not to a bar with a lot of drunk people.
But to a bar that have less people and more relaxing.
Its about u impressing her. so u need to mix some of your interest 2. but not only with what u want

or date people of your little village.

[Turbo]

Its about u impressing her. so u need to mix some of your interest 2. but not only with what u want

or date people of your little village.

I agree we do need to mix some interest, there has to be some give-and-take, but that can only go so far depending on return.

No need to impress her, just be myself, things have always worked out this way, when I try too hard I end up screwing up. If anything, I like to set standards low on first few dates. Seriously, some guys take girls on expensive dinners, etc... you are only conditioning her to think this will happen all the time, or that she should expect this from others guys if it doesnt work out with you.

LOL "little village", this is Long Island. I am fortunate enough to live in a very nice part of it without a ton of people, go a few miles away and there are thousands of people, millions in my County alone (about a 15 mile X 15 mile square).

[Fruitsss]

noting is leterly. and did nott say not to be yourself. the places or ideas u have for the dates have noting to do with not being yourself.

[kageri]

You can always do a little of both. I have the opposite situation. He spends some times hiking with me and I spend some times going to live theater with him. We do both avoid bars though so that agreement makes things easier.

[Turbo]

Howdy all,
thanks for the replies. I "made it" into the city and even managed to find a parking spot after 15 minutes of searching for one thinking.... "Why the hell am I doing this?!?!?!", but calmed down after finding a spot, lol.

Had a nice meal, got a drink at a bar (BORING!!!!!1) between the restaurant and her place, then went to her place to watch a movie, breakfast the next morning, went home as we both had things to do on Sunday.

The above is something I can see doing a few times a year, probably not weekly though. Sitting for long periods of time is not my thing, I need to keep stimulated... get up, do SOMETHING.

Time will tell.
-John

[Wakeup]

I don't even know why you're seeing her again. You have nothing in common. If this thing you've started takes off then very soon she's going to resent you for not wanting to go out. You'll resent her for wanting you to and then the chit will just hit the fan. During the new relationship energy period you two will just forget about what you both prefer and go with each other's flow. After that period ends you'll both start wondering why he/she changed from the great guy/gal that just wanted a steak and hang in my hot tub/the great guy that took me clubbing.

I suggest you tell her who you are quickly, before she starts catching new energy relationship feelings for you which she mistakes for love.

[Turbo]

I suggest you tell her who you are quickly, before she starts catching new energy relationship feelings for you which she mistakes for love.

I DO. From the start I told her I go to the city about twice a year, and my ideal night is what I said in the first post. I don't want to get her expectations too high, but in my experience I have found women think they can change me, lol, even when flat-out told: NO, it's weird how that happens.

We were basically thrown into the first date "Here's my friends number, she is EXPECTING your call", we talk and she suggests getting together (which I would have anyway, knew nothing about her... give it a try), first date on the upcoming weekend.

During the new relationship energy period you two will just forget about what you both prefer and go with each other's flow.

Very rarely have I experienced that (I could see possible if "head-over-heels" about someone). Deviation from my routine is a big deal for me and I make that known, usually in a joking way... "OMG, you want me to go into the CITY... that sounds like a LOT of effort!!!!!1"... when I get there "Holy crap, that was a PITA, got any Miller Lite in this place?", it keeps her laughing while lowering expecations at the same time.

On most dates I act like I would with a life-long best friend and it works. When I try to put on a show to "impress", or be really proper, it back-fires severely.


In conclusion, please don't fire back with Rrrraaaarrrrrrr, constructive criticism is appreciated, perhaps words from those who have been on either side of this.

YES, IDEALLY a proper relatoinship is a give-and-take, compromise, learning from each other, sharing things together, meshing together, etc. Some day I hope to find someone compatable enough to practice this with.

[Wakeup]

I DO. From the start I told her I go to the city about twice a year, and my ideal night is what I said in the first post. I don't want to get her expectations too high, but in my experience I have found women think they can change me, lol, even when flat-out told: NO, it's weird how that happens.

Yes, that's a trait that too many women have. They don't listen and they think that you actually couldn't possible mean what you're saying. Once sex comes into the picture.. these women who don't want to listen get even more frantic in their attempts to make you who they want you to be.

We were basically thrown into the first date "Here's my friends number, she is EXPECTING your call", we talk and she suggests getting together (which I would have anyway, knew nothing about her... give it a try), first date on the upcoming weekend.

I thought you said you already went out with her and spent the night at her place? Post #7?

Very rarely have I experienced that (I could see possible if "head-over-heels" about someone). Deviation from my routine is a big deal for me and I make that known, usually in a joking way... "OMG, you want me to go into the CITY... that sounds like a LOT of effort!!!!!1"... when I get there "Holy crap, that was a PITA, got any Miller Lite in this place?", it keeps her laughing while lowering expecations at the same time.

The more time you spend with her, the more of a bond (especially for her when sex is involved {in most cases}) If you say things jokingly, then she'll really think your just kidding and that you'll do anything she wants.. which you will if you are into her up until you don't and won't anymore (after new relationship energy has diminished). Like I said, If you don't have anything in common, and you are serious about a longterm, committed relationship, then why would you even go on second date? Why sex of course and thus the paradox.

On most dates I act like I would with a life-long best friend and it works. When I try to put on a show to "impress", or be really proper, it back-fires severely.

Yes, acting like you are you and making others comfortable works... it's a great interpersonal attribute that usually works positively in all social interactions.

In conclusion, please don't fire back with Rrrraaaarrrrrrr, constructive criticism is appreciated, perhaps words from those who have been on either side of this.

Just stating the facts (as I see them).

YES, IDEALLY a proper relatoinship is a give-and-take, compromise, learning from each other, sharing things together, meshing together, etc. Some day I hope to find someone compatable enough to practice this with.

Yes.. I guess the key word is bolded. Opposites attract but they don't seem to stick together. Go figure.

[sadie_genie]

Hey country boy. Very surprised you figured out how to use the computer and the internet. But anyways, country boys are hot (most of them).

[Turbo]

Yes, that's a trait that too many women have. They don't listen and they think that you actually couldn't possible mean what you're saying. Once sex comes into the picture.. these women who don't want to listen get even more frantic in their attempts to make you who they want you to be.

Sex comes so quickly, for good or bad, usually bad for her (not the actual sex, lol)... all her bargaining chips with me are thrown out the window. I tell friends of mine (chicks) : "Don't give him what he wants until you get what you want".

I thought you said you already went out with her and spent the night at her place? Post #7?

I was not very clear typing that... I was explaining the timeline, after calling her, we met for first date that coming weekend. Yes, this past weekend was the second date.

...you'll do anything she wants.. which you will if you are into her up until you don't and won't anymore (after new relationship energy has diminished).

I rarely do "anything" she wants, I usually do just enough. There is an exception... if a chick is easy to please I can go over-board because she is so appreciative (where a little effort goes a long way).

Yes, acting like you are you and making others comfortable works... it's a great interpersonal attribute that usually works positively in all social interactions.

Opposites attract but they don't seem to stick together. Go figure.

I like that quote, going to use it.

[Turbo]

Hey country boy. Very surprised you figured out how to use the computer and the internet. But anyways, country boys are hot (most of them).

I'm not THAT country, just saying I have little interest in the city.

[AnnonymousMan]

I dated a country chick and I was a city boy at the time. She was unappealing to me and very dull but I eventually got over it as I corrupted her with my city ways. She now lives in the city and prefers that life style over country. The only downside I see to a country person is they're very boring in a sense. I never really got use to the lifestyle until I moved to the country. I don't see no problem with you getting with this girl as long as you both bring something interesting to the table so the other person doesn't get bored with a lifestyle they are not familiar with.

[Wakeup]

I like that quote, I'm going to use it.

I like yours too: "Don't give him what he wants until you get what you want". I've been saying the exact thing in way too many words of late.

[quote]

Sex comes so quickly, for good or bad, usually bad for her (not the actual sex, lol)... all her bargaining chips with me are thrown out the window.

Many men think like you. Try to tell women that though and they don't believe you or; men/women will chime in with "it doesn't matter when you have sex. Having sex too early won't stop a relationship from developing." I'm still skepticle about that.

Sir: By that last post you are what I call a "good guy" not to be confused with the dreaded self proclaimed nice guy (those nice guys would call your MO as being a jerk or you as what girls like, an asshole. Little do they know that you are the furthest thing from either. (if what you say you actually do).

Now.. just find someone compatible enough and when you're actually ready to settle down, you'll find someone who you will want to stop that list of pros and cons for.