She just ignores.

[CambridgeGuy]

Anyone know why a girl (who was just a good friend) will not say goodbye, express any her thoughts feelings, give any type of closure. Just ignores?

We had a small fight over texing and now nothing.

[Wakeup]

She's an immature and inconsiderate fairweather friend? You over stepped your boundaries and she's had enough of it? This "small" fight was the one that broke the camels back and her immature silence is her way of telling you to quit bugging her now?

I could go on forever with the little bit of information you've only provided. The bottomline is, only she can tell you why she's being immature and inconsiderate.

[CambridgeGuy]

Thx. My main question is why would she just ignore rather than say what is on her mind (i.e. I don't wanna communicate or you did this or that or w/e)? Wouldn't be easier to text, email, call (anything) so say that I don't want to communicate?

The fight was basically I got upset that she wouldn't tell me where she was going after she wanted to come over. I wanted to know what was so important that she couldn't study and I thought I deserved to know as her friend and as someone who has given her so much. I guess you pretty much answered in that she is immature and inconsiderate.

We have known each other for over a year and saw each other about 3x/week for about 3hrs at a time and this is the only conflict we ever had.

I'm pretty hurt and baffled.

[Wakeup]

In that case, I'd say that in her immature and inconsiderate way, she is telling you that you are being pretty darn controlling for just being a platonic friend. She hardly owes you an explanation as to where she will be, where she is going or who she is doing it with. Perhaps you have some romantic feelings for this girl but you've settled to just being her friend because you feel having her in your life in a lesser capacity is better than not having her in your life at all? Or am I totally off the wall with that one?

Anyway, we can't tell you why she does what she does. Ignore her and let her contact you when she's ready. Quit reaching out to her. It's her turn now.

[Fruitsss]

get to your hmework boymove on..

[searock]

You are deliberately omitting the most important thing: you have feelings for her, and she doesn't reciprocate. As a woman, she knows that you have feelings for her even if you've never explicitly told her that you do.

The truth is, you have no right to know what she does and why she does it. So if she chooses to not tell you, you have no right to get angry at her. Instead you did, and stepped over her personal boundaries by doing so. I bet this wasn't even the first time you did it.

She just wants you to stop obsessing over her, to stop thinking about her that way.

She is under no obligation to give you any kind of explanation as to why she is ignoring you, but I can tell you that she is ignoring you for those reasons. She knows that if she told you something like "I don't want to talk to you anymore" (which is uncomfortable per se), you would be pestering her with questions and requests for explanations. She can't be bothered with your drama.

You should stop trying to contact her, and stop expecting anything from her. Don't act all bitter like some psycho ex-boyfriend (and you aren't even that) who can't get over it. Forget her, and move on.

Hope you learnt your lesson by the way - you can't be friends with someone you have feelings for, and who doesn't reciprocate.

[Wakeup]

Well, sea I agree with most of what you've said and have said so but I disagree that she doesn't owe him an explanation. A simple "you've overstepped your bounds, mister and I'd appreciate if you'd leav me alone for now" or some such is the only thing she does owe him. Likely he didn't even know that he was over-stepping her personal boundaries if she's too shy to tell him the deal. Passive agressive bullshit on her part if what we surmise happened, happened.

[CambridgeGuy]

Well I did apologize to her and I do think its only mature and considerate for her to send a quick note as to why she is ignoring after over year. Nothing major, just as Wakeup said, "you've overstepped your bounds, mister and I'd appreciate if you'd leav me alone for now." And I didn't really know that it would have such a dramatic effect. I have been helping prepare for interviews and she has been unsuccessful, asked me in the past to be hard on her, I thought i was trying to push her to get the job.

[Wakeup]

Well I did apologize to her and I do think its only mature and considerate for her to send a quick note as to why she is ignoring after over year. Nothing major, just as Wakeup said, "you've overstepped your bounds, mister and I'd appreciate if you'd leav me alone for now." And I didn't really know that it would have such a dramatic effect. I have been helping prepare for interviews and she has been unsuccessful, asked me in the past to be hard on her, I thought i was trying to push her to get the job.

Well, now it's time to let her contact you. If you ignore her ~ she will likely resurface that much quicker.

If what Sea and I surmise is going on is correct, then you need to find yourself a male friend to hang with and leave females for romantic pursuits. You wouldn't demand from a male friend where he's been, would you?

[CambridgeGuy]

If were really close guy friends and I was dedicating a lot of time to helping him with some endeavor I actually would want to know. It's a matter of respect. If he/she expects me to take time out of my busy life to help them and they are not willing to do the same I would not appreciate that. However, I did apologize.

[CambridgeGuy]

Thx for the advice. I will just ignore now. I may send her a text in a month but I'll decide that a month from now. The idea of never seeing or hearing from her again b/c of this is quite frightening.

[Wakeup]

You're welcome: Yes... it's always frightening to think that someone who has been a big part of our life will no longer be in it but we all get through that. If we didn't, then we'd all blow up once we lose a loved one to death.

If she hasn't contacted you in a month then she's sending you one big message. Don't ignore that message because it means she doesn't value you enough to wonder where you went or what happened to you. Keep the no contact going. If you talk to her after a month of no contact and she hasn't bothered to find out where you went, then talking to her will only set you back to square one in your getting over her not being in your life.

Start going out with other woman who will want to be with you romantically and you'll not miss her half as much.

[searock]

She is giving him the clearest message of all. She just wants him to go away, and the reason is clear enough - she doesn't want to be friends with a guy who is in love with her. She probably realized, that night, the extent of his obsessive feelings for her, and decided she just wouldn't take anymore. Yes, she could have told him "I don't want to be friends with you anymore because I can't be friends with a guy who has feelings for me", but what good would it have done? He would have just kept begging her to keep him in his life ("but I want to be your friend!"), making the whole process depressing, humiliating for him and embarrassing/uncomfortable for her.

[Wakeup]

You don't know what he would have done after she told him to fk off anymore than we know for 100% certain that she's distanced herself because he's in love with her and she doesn't want him in that way.

IMO.. She owed him an explanation at least once. If after that he didn't accept what she had to say then she could put him on ignore. Yes, her passive agressive non response screams out her intentions but her doing what she did is weak and rather of poor character.... based on what we actually have been told, sans my own filler, anyway.

[searock]

Yes, I'm just assuming that my assumptions are correct: in my opinion, he wouldn't have opened this thread, if he didn't have feelings for her and didn't have trouble accepting the fact that she doesn't reciprocate.

Also, I really don't think that she would have gone from being best friends with him to completely ignoring him, if they actually were JUST friends (no feelings from either side).

I am also assuming that she knows him well enough to estimate his reaction to her eventual "explanation", and to decide it wasn't worth dealing with all the drama.