How do I work out if he is still interested?

[Helen3224]

I've been seeing this guy for two months and everything had been great. He gave me the impression he wanted a relationship and said that he saw us hopefully working in the boyfriend girlfriend way. He seemed to be very keen at first but over the past few weeks he has not been as interested, fewer calls and texts. But he has a busy job and other commitments on which i knew about so I just thought once things quietened down with him he would want to meet up. I asked him yesterday about meeting in friendly text and he just said he was busy and maybe we should wait to meet at least until things aren't so hectic. I asked if we could meet before Xmas, if he could manage it, but nothing back. We do live an hour apart. I don't know whether I'm too sensitive getting upset that I think this is him basically saying 'I'm not interested' or if he is just busy it's not that he doesn't want to see me, just genuinely can't. Should I give him the benefit of the doubt and wait and see if I hear from him? (maybe if I don't get in touch he will miss me etc)? Or am I right in thinking this is a 'polite' brush off? I have no confidence with dating my last boyfriend was 18 months ago and when he dumped me I felt worthless and still do. This new guy gave me something to feel good about but I always new he could do better than me. I reckon he has realised this. Any ideas of what he is probably thinking!? Or how I can show him I'm worth the little bit of effort?

[AGuy101]

"He gave me the impression he wanted a relationship and said that he saw us hopefully working in the boyfriend girlfriend way."

You should dump him. He sounds like an autonomous dick. There is no such thing as the "boyfriend girlfriend way." If someone loves another person then work or distance is not gonna hold either of them back.

Work is very important. Productive creativity has to be constant throughout a person's life but your boyfriend is not doing that. He sounds like he is "working" for working's sake. He isn't doing what he wants, he is "making money" or "buying a big house" or "going to be everyone's boss." That kind of person just wants control and you are giving it to him very easily. If you continue on you two will just end up like the Clintons. President of the USA! But he cheats on you and secretly despises living.

[basilandthyme]

Helen, I'll cut to the chase. He's very much losing interest. After two months in, things either start to get hotter or we find that the person isn't quite our perfect match. And let's pretend for a moment that he hasn't gone off you and is truly really busy at work - don't you want a guy who can still see you even when he's busy? If I were you, I'd move on without a second thought. I'd want far more than someone who can't even plan to meet me before Christmas.

You talk about being worth a little bit of effort. Yes, you are worth this, but not from a guy who's gone off you. The guy who is perfect match for you is still waiting to meet you and will put in effort instinctively.

Now, what's this about feeling worthless after being dumped previously? Are you aware that not everyone is suitable for each other? Being unsuited to your previous boyfriend doesn't mean that you're unsuited to everyone. Besides, our self worth should be tied to our personality as a whole - not to whether or not a relationship lasts. Tell us what fabulous traits you have to offer.

[Sixpacj]

"He gave me the impression he wanted a relationship and said that he saw us hopefully working in the boyfriend girlfriend way."

You should dump him. He sounds like an autonomous dick. There is no such thing as the "boyfriend girlfriend way." If someone loves another person then work or distance is not gonna hold either of them back.

Work is very important. Productive creativity has to be constant throughout a person's life but your boyfriend is not doing that. He sounds like he is "working" for working's sake. He isn't doing what he wants, he is "making money" or "buying a big house" or "going to be everyone's boss." That kind of person just wants control and you are giving it to him very easily. If you continue on you two will just end up like the Clintons. President of the USA! But he cheats on you and secretly despises living.

Interesting. What is an "autonomous dick", pray tell?

[Boisdevie]

He's clearly lost interest. Two months in and if you should be playing with each others bits by now.

[Helen3224]

Thanks for the replies. So he contacted me last night saying he wants to meet up but December will be
crazy for him with his work but in the new year it should ease off. Obviously I want more but he had
these shifts booked before we got together. I'm thinking would he be so cruel and lead me on like this if
there was no interest? I'm hoping not, because I've agreed to wait until new year. I'm thinking that not
everything has to be instant and right now, if I accept this, does that not show I like
him, trust him and am prepared to help things work out with some effort? There could always be next
year?

[basilandthyme]

His excuse is so lame. Shifts can be changed! And even if he can't change them, he could make time if he really wanted to see you.

>>if I accept this, does that not show I like him, trust him and am prepared to help things work out with some effort?<<

No, it doesn't show this. It shows that you're so desperate and that you will accept being treated as a doormat. It shows that you will put yourself on hold for a guy who isn't even your boyfriend.

My best advice is to tell him to call you if and when he's available. And tell him that if you are still single, you will consider going out with him.

[AGuy101]

Thanks for the replies. So he contacted me last night saying he wants to meet up but December will be
crazy for him with his work but in the new year it should ease off. Obviously I want more but he had
these shifts booked before we got together. I'm thinking would he be so cruel and lead me on like this if
there was no interest? I'm hoping not, because I've agreed to wait until new year. I'm thinking that not
everything has to be instant and right now, if I accept this, does that not show I like
him, trust him and am prepared to help things work out with some effort? There could always be next
year?

A famous philosopher answered a simple question with a simple answer. A woman was married for about 40 years and her husband could not have sex anymore because of a medical complication. He could have fixed it but it went "against his beliefs." So she asked for advice. He said: "Leave him." Simple.

You feel bad, right? Had it bad with your last boyfriend? So now you think this "new guy" can make you whole? Well, let me ask YOU: Can emptiness fill emptiness?