Advice giver needs advice: infidelity imminent

[Wakeup]

I understand the connection between sex and emotion. Especially as a married dude, believe me I realize I can't just flip a switch and it happens. We have had romantic dinners. We come home and I try to kiss her passionately and we start to get into it. Then the dog barks, the baby cries, the timer on the dryer goes off, whatever and its immediately back to reality.

What would you like her to do. Ignore the baby, let the dog shit on the floor? Leave the shirts in the dryer so now she'll have to use the iron too? Listen... this is exactly what I meant by getter out for overnighters or weekends away without the kid and life getting in the way. I'm well over 30. In fact I've been married over 30 years and my husband could have been exactly like you and gotten fed up with me allowing life to get in the way during our daughter's formative years but he saw what was happening so he made a point of getting me out of dodge often for weekends away. Our daughter enjoyed staying with her aunt and being spoiled by her older cousins. We enjoyed each other and kept the passion going due to our trysts, looking forward to the next one's and the stimulation from the memories of the ones gone by. Makes a girl feel seduced and appreciated and sexy to be the only focus of her man.

However: I agree with Indi.. you've given up, you miss your Tiger Woods days and you've convinced yourself that you might as well stick a fork in it. All you need is the ballz to make the change and a good lawyer on your side.

It doesn't matter what anyone says because if not outright, certainly sub-consciously you've already ended it.

EDIT: Also, everyone is focusing on the sex here but its not just that.

Yea we know.. you wanna go out and play. I'm thinking even if wifey went out with you and joined the wet t-shirt contest you'd still want to go out a play without her.

Justify all ya want. It is what it is and all that's left is the expense and the decree.

BTW: I know Three, whoops ~ four Dorothys. An Aunt on both parents side, a cousin's wife and a family friend.

[Love'sReject]

Is porn what sex looks like? I'm supposed to do all that weird, contorted shit?

[bcgirl]

Today, 06:46 AMiamaninnocentma
I disagree about porn not being educational. Ive learned a ton from porn. Youre so repressed and disgusted by porn, that you always see it as a bad thing. Some of those bitches are richer than the president. How else could a woman make that sort of cash?

Yes and u have a 9 inch c@ck and can last for at least an hour right? It's no wonder women think a guy with a 6 inch c0ck is small these days, they too have been brainwashed by the porn industry. Sucks for all them "small" 6 inchers that can't last for more than half hour.

[Phil Davies]

What would you like her to do. Ignore the baby, let the dog shit on the floor? Leave the shirts in the dryer so now she'll have to use the iron too? Listen... this is exactly what I meant by getter out for overnighters or weekends away without the kid and life getting in the way. I'm well over 30. In fact I've been married over 30 years and my husband could have been exactly like you and gotten fed up with me allowing life to get in the way during our daughter's formative years but he saw what was happening so he made a point of getting me out of dodge often for weekends away. Our daughter enjoyed staying with her aunt and being spoiled by her older cousins. We enjoyed each other and kept the passion going due to our trysts, looking forward to the next one's and the stimulation from the memories of the ones gone by. Makes a girl feel seduced and appreciated and sexy to be the only focus of her man.

However: I agree with Indi.. you've given up, you miss your Tiger Woods days and you've convinced yourself that you might as well stick a fork in it. All you need is the ballz to make the change and a good lawyer on your side.

It doesn't matter what anyone says because if not outright, certainly sub-consciously you've already ended it.

Yea we know.. you wanna go out and play. I'm thinking even if wifey went out with you and joined the wet t-shirt contest you'd still want to go out a play without her.

Justify all ya want. It is what it is and all that's left is the expense and the decree.

BTW: I know Three, whoops ~ four Dorothys. An Aunt on both parents side, a cousin's wife and a family friend.

Some harsh truths, here. Dead wrong in other places. Its a shame because I prided myself for being one of the good ones for so long. Never cheated, not for 12 years (never even thought about it for 10). Ten years without a serious thought of cheating. Long time to be faithful these days, especially for an ex-master cocksmythe. Its funny because I was an athlete my whole life and over the past year or so in addition to the complexities a divorce would bring, this has become a prideful quest to not lose at marriage. I'm always the one in control, with sage advice, steadfast relationship ... perfect to the public. Now the wheels fall off and I lose. I'm sure you'll flip it around and undress me for being an asshole for not wanting to "fail" but it is what it is.

I will say this ... its hard to come to terms with it like this. I almost wish SHE cheated on ME. I think on some level it would be easier in the long run. But having to slowly come to terms with the fact that the person you've chosen to spend the rest of your life with is no longer the person that's right for you its tough. All the decisions we made together, all the shit we went through ... even though our relationship was a bit paint by numbers we were together a long time. Its hard to just all of a sudden realize its not working and not because of one singular event.

All of that said, you need to stop putting this all on me, I know you're coming at this from a woman's perspective but I promise you this wasn't me itching to get out of the house and chase skirt for a decade. This isn't about me going out and getting laid, I told you I've had those opportunities and I never acted. Never wanted to, really. You keep trying to make me out to be this womanizing club crawler trolling for cheap ass, its never going to be true no matter how much you say it. Its just gotten to the point where its almost impossible to love the person I'm with because she shows me know emotion in return. I have no real social interaction or emotional connection with her anymore. So I hang out with my friends and get that attention elsewhere. If the roles were reversed here I'd bet anything you'd be on HER side.

[Wakeup]

Some harsh truths, here. Dead wrong in other places. Its a shame because I prided myself for being one of the good ones for so long. Never cheated, not for 12 years (never even thought about it for 10). Ten years without a serious thought of cheating. Long time to be faithful these days, especially for an ex-master cocksmythe. Its funny because I was an athlete my whole life and over the past year or so in addition to the complexities a divorce would bring, this has become a prideful quest to not lose at marriage. I'm always the one in control, with sage advice, steadfast relationship ... perfect to the public. Now the wheels fall off and I lose. I'm sure you'll flip it around and undress me for being an asshole for not wanting to "fail" but it is what it is.

I will say this ... its hard to come to terms with it like this. I almost wish SHE cheated on ME. I think on some level it would be easier in the long run. But having to slowly come to terms with the fact that the person you've chosen to spend the rest of your life with is no longer the person that's right for you its tough. All the decisions we made together, all the shit we went through ... even though our relationship was a bit paint by numbers we were together a long time. Its hard to just all of a sudden realize its not working and not because of one singular event.


So I hang out with my friends and get that attention elsewhere. If the roles were reversed here I'd bet anything you'd be on HER side.

hardly, sport. I don't play favorites just because they happen to have female genitilia.
Take a look at some posts I've made to women here who are talking like you if you don't believe me.

All of that said, you need to stop putting this all on me, I know you're coming at this from a woman's perspective but I promise you this wasn't me itching to get out of the house and chase skirt for a decade. This isn't about me going out and getting laid, I told you I've had those opportunities and I never acted. Never wanted to, really. You keep trying to make me out to be this womanizing club crawler trolling for cheap ass, its never going to be true no matter how much you say it. Its just gotten to the point where its almost impossible to love the person I'm with because she shows me know emotion in return. I have no real social interaction or emotional connection with her anymore. So I hang out with my friends and get that attention elsewhere. If the roles were reversed here I'd bet anything you'd be on HER side.

All this being said.. you have to stop thinking that I think your only motive is to go out and chase skirt. You're purposly ignoring all the advice against leaving becuase you don't want to hear that. You've already made up your mind so anything we say here from a male/female perspective that doesn't not fit the ideal you've already formed in your head is getting your goat.

I've given you plenty of possible remedies to help resolve. You've dismissed them all to justify your ultimate decision.. that being you're done like dinner.

This is your life. Go live it. What I have to say is of little consequence ~ particularily when you've already made up your mind.

I suspect when you leave she'll snap out of her apathy because she'll realize, like you have that there's a life out there that she herself has been missing while being the chief cook and bottle washer since the birth of your daughter and her new sense of priority was allowed to cement itself in her head. She's a mother first now and I think she's just forgotten how to be a lover and nurturer of herself, never mind you too.

[Love'sReject]

...trolls like IMMAtool could learn from this one.

[Phil Davies]

In 6 pages, whittled between mountains of passive-aggressive angry woman pot shots from your imaginary high moral ground the only "advice" you gave me was to whisk her away on an "overnighter" ... which would be awesome ... IF SHE LEFT THE HOUSE. She doesn't want to do anything I had to strongarm her into dinner and she backs out because of stomach issues. It happens all the time, going away just the two of us is a preposterous notion. I pitched a cabin trip just last month she started rattling off shit we have to do here.

By the way, she cooks about once a month and she's not at all the live in slave you just made her out to be (we both do laundry and dishes but we have a housekeeper). She works just as much and just as hard as I do I think the problem here is you're looking at every persons situation as it relates to your own view of the world which is obviously a bit old fashioned, it comes across in your posts. You said you've been married "over 30 years" which puts you north of 50 so I can see how you're getting this image of us being Edith and Archie Bunker but its just not the case. So get rid of all of your preconceived notions about relationships and start over.

I want to go on date nights. I want to taker her on weekend getaways to the mountains. She wants to stay home, watch TV and go to bed at 8:30.

What should I do?

[Wakeup]

In 6 pages, whittled between mountains of passive-aggressive angry woman pot shots from your imaginary high moral ground the only "advice" you gave me was to whisk her away on an "overnighter"

And to give her therapy time so that she comes to terms with her depression, and to forget about "chippy" so that you can concentrate on the wife, and to get your own personal therapy to figure yourself out and why it is she is like she is now and where you made mistakes.
It takes two people to make and break a relationship. You take zero responsibility for the state of your marriage. Anyone with half a brain knows that she's not ALL to blame. Pointing out where you MAY have contributied to the state of things causes you to have a justification melt down. Grow up or quit reading my posts. It's annoying how you cannot see where you MAY have slipped up here.

... which would be awesome ... IF SHE LEFT THE HOUSE. She doesn't want to do anything I had to strongarm her into dinner and she backs out because of stomach issues.

She's depressed... that is a sure as shit symptom. Why don't you google some shit and read up on depression and how it can manifest itself.

It happens all the time, going away just the two of us is a preposterous notion. I pitched a cabin trip just last month she started rattling off shit we have to do here.

I thought you were the alpha male, type A seducer. Why do you give up on a conquest so easily. My husband booked the ****ing trip and said I'm going so pack or I'll see you Sunday Night.

By the way, she cooks about once a month and she's not at all the live in slave you just made her out to be (we both do laundry and dishes but we have a housekeeper).

"chief cook and bottle washer is a saying those that are feeling overwhelmed feel like. You whiner.

She works just as much and just as hard as I do I think the problem here is you're looking at every persons situation as it relates to your own view of the world which is obviously a bit old fashioned,

and you don't think that you're whining justification doesn't come across in your's? Well it does. I'm no one.. quit justifying to me, get off your ass and leave or do something to help her and stay. You're sounding very Beta and you're bragging about your bagging abilitities is starting to sound like utter bullshit when you can't even pull your own wife.. No wonder your ego is shot.

You said you've been married "over 30 years" which puts you north of 50 so I can see how you're getting this image of us being Edith and Archie Bunker but its just not the case. So get rid of all of your preconceived notions about relationships and start over.

I gave you an example of what many, many women go through after the birth of a child when their husbands don't know how to rekindle what they had with one another prior to life getting in the way. It worked for us, it may not work for you but it never will if you don't try it. Frankly.. you're sounding a lot like a regular poster here who is just trying to stir up shit. No one can be as ridiculously defensive as you are coming across. As I said you take zero responsibility for the state of things.

I want to go on date nights. I want to taker her on weekend getaways to the mountains. She wants to stay home, watch TV and go to bed at 8:30.

Yea, yea we've heard how you can't pull your own wife. So leave her and let a man who can make her happy have her.
You obviously can't anymore.

What should I do?

Take the stick outta your ass and do something to help or Leave her so she can find someone who turns her on. You don't anymore, apparently.

[iamaninnocentma]

Ouch, lol .

[Love'sReject]

Verbose LAME justification pending..

[Phil Davies]

You take zero responsibility for the state of your marriage. Anyone with half a brain knows that she's not ALL to blame. Pointing out where you MAY have contributied to the state of things causes you to have a justification melt down. Grow up or quit reading my posts. It's annoying how you cannot see where you MAY have slipped up here.

My VERY FIRST POST was a deaftist admission of cheating and a candid query as to whether or not I'm an asshole. I think you need to find your second glasses.

She's depressed... that is a sure as shit symptom.

Thanks, Dr Ruth. SO THEN GET HELP. I haven't fought the idea that she's depressed one second, the therapy was my idea. You make it sound like I'm ignoring her clinically depressed cries for help, I'm the one pressing for the counseling. And I've gone myself. If she's depressed and won't get help and still refuse to leave the house, is it still the evil clubbing, hair dragging mongloid mans fault? FTR, I've stated numerous times that I am waiting to see if the therapy helps. You told me its pointless. Now you're telling me I should feel bad for not recognizing her depression. Its fitting this is election night.

I thought you were the alpha male, type A seducer. Why do you give up on a conquest so easily. My husband booked the ****ing trip and said I'm going so pack or I'll see you Sunday Night.

Well at your age the only thing your husband has to remember to do is pack the metamucil and put the plastic on the couch. And I think we both know she'd say see ya Sunday.

"chief cook and bottle washer is a saying those that are feeling overwhelmed feel like.

Im sorry I wasn't in the Navy during WWI, I'll make sure to brush up on my quips and barbs from the Industrial Revolution.

and you don't think that you're whining justification doesn't come across in your's? Well it does. I'm no one.. quit justifying to me, get off your ass and leave or do something to help her and stay. You're sounding very Beta and you're bragging about your bagging abilitities is starting to sound like utter bullshit when you can't even pull your own wife.. No wonder your ego is shot.

This has turned into a justification session because you turned into a salty old femi-nazi as soon as I pissed in your cheerios. I've gotten some pretty good advice here from other people, its unfortunate that I have to wade through your rolling pin bullying to get it but I don't want any of these people to think your warped Mayberry version of the world has any relevance or reality in mine. And I'm sure as shit not about to lose a pissing contest with a crotchety wench on the internet.

I gave you an example of what many, many women go through after the birth of a child when their husbands don't know how to rekindle what they had with one another prior to life getting in the way. It worked for us, it may not work for you but it never will if you don't try it. Frankly.. you're sounding a lot like a regular poster here who is just trying to stir up shit. No one can be as ridiculously defensive as you are coming across. As I said you take zero responsibility for the state of things.

No you haven't. You've given me 6 pages of passive-aggressive I AM WOMAN HEAR ME ROAR put downs and comeuppance with no real substance or suggestion. You're a troll with decent grammar and saggy tits.

Yea, yea we've heard how you can't pull your own wife. So leave her and let a man who can make her happy have her.
You obviously can't anymore.
Take the stick outta your ass and do something to help or Leave her so she can find someone who turns her on. You don't anymore, apparently.

Now you just mad.

[iamaninnocentma]

RE your question in the first quote above. I can confirm that you indeed are an asshole.

[Phil Davies]

hahahahaha

[bcgirl]

I want to go on date nights. I want to taker her on weekend getaways to the mountains. She wants to stay home, watch TV and go to bed at 8:30.

like i stated earlier, perhaps you two are just incompatible and it's like trying to fit a square peg in a round hole. If you want to go out and she is the stay in type, well you are eventually going to get cabin fever (which you already are). You two have to either meet somewhere in the middle or this ain't ever gunna work. She needs to offer up some nights where she wants to go out for dinner etc. Date nights are good for any relationship and is needed to keep the spark going. I have no idea what you are paying some therapist for if they haven't suggested something so basic like date nights. What has this therapist suggested? Many times over the course of the years with work, children, house, mortages etc. people change. We are only humans and constantly evolving and thus two ppl may evolve into different beings when they were so compatible at the beginning. Hence why there is such a high divorce rate. This is where loads of hard work and compromise needs to come into play so you two see eye to eye once again. Communication is KEY. With good communication you two can be able to see each other's points of views and therefore hopefully come to a compromise and in turn be happier with each other. Remember communication is constant and needed very frequently to maintain on the same page. Talk to her. Tell her that you love her but fear growing apart, you are not happy with the sex life and you wish to please her etc. If she likes to stay at home, try to spice it up a bit and maybe rent a movie (that she may like also), cook for her and try to be romantic, make her her fav dish to show her you care. Also COMPLIMENTS are something that many ppl forget or don't bother when they are with someone for a long time. Remember when you two started dating? All the compliments and flowers or whatever you used to give her. Do you still compliment her as much? Many women feel self conscious especially with age and after children, lets face it....their bodies don't look like how it used to when they were 20. Do you still compliment her even if she has that extra weight? Or the stretch marks on her belly from pregnancy? Or the saggier boobs after breast feeding? Maybe she just feels self conscious of being naked cuz she feels embarrassed with her figure now and thus doesn't feel comfortable with sex. TALK TO HER and COMMUNICATE. You will have to do a lot of digging to get to her heart and her insecurities, but you will eventually get there with some work and see what her problem is and why she isn't putting out. Also, like i suggested earlier.... research on the female orgasm. What you think might be "good sex" to you may not be her views of "good sex" and therefore, why should she put out when your the only one getting an orgasm in the end? Women need foreplay and oral stimulation most of the time, have you given enough of that to her when you were sexually active? Again, you aren't a mind reader so if this was the case she really needs to communicate but sometimes ppl fear to hurt the other persons feelings.

[iamaninnocentma]

Im not ****ing reading that. Press enter every 100 or so words ffs.