Confused and Not sure if I'm crazy

[l_girl]

I am very confused and need some advice to see if I am going crazy or not. Thank you very much for reading this massive post.

Last year I broke up with my ex who I was with for many years. After the breakup I was having a lot of issues dealing with it so I started going to this chatroom and chat with random people. Finally this May I decided to meet these people at an event they organized. I hit it off so well with one guy (I’ll call him C) that I was in lala land smiling like an idiot. We started emailing and texting each other non-stop daily. We’ll talk to each other till we both went to bed. This happened for about a month. It was creepy how much we had in common and how different he was from the ex. He’s even in the same career as me so when I talk nerdy things related to our field he knows what I am talking about. The only issue is he’s 5hrs away so we never dated and he’s 5 years younger than me. Not sure why these obstacles seem so big but so small at the same time.

Since I was gaga over him I asked him out even though I started to get a bit scared since the last time I dated was 8 years ago. He was also starting to get second thoughts even though he likes me (he said it to me). So he declined the date and told me he is not the man I am looking for. He knows I was burned from my ex and I think this worries him. So after a month of super intense talking we ended it cold turkey and agreed to be friends.

Fast forward 2 months, in early August I went to another gathering with the chat group and saw him. I have never been more flustered in my life till I saw him. The last time I felt that was when I was with the ex and didn’t have the guts to tell the ex I liked him badly. C ignored and avoided me that night. I was glad he did since it took all my composure to try to act normal without looking like an idiot to the others. Nobody in the group knew we talked. Somehow, after seeing each other again he started texting me again. Started off with a few random texts then we started texting daily again for about a month AGAIN. He had me so confused as I was slowly getting over him. He asked me one day when we were talking about our dream vacations to go with him to where he wanted to go so we can both relax from our high stress jobs. The offer shocked me. I had started treating him like a friend but then it seemed he wanted more. We stopped texting cause I started to push him towards another girl. I was so confused I wasn’t sure if he wanted to be friends or more with me. I guess the selfish me wanted to see if he was interested in that girl too. A younger and very pretty girl. I am not sure why but the very selfish me was happy when he said he wasn’t interested in her.

Fast forward another few weeks and it’s our annual celebration conference for our field last Saturday. I was very nervous about seeing him again. So I had a plan of avoiding him if I ran into him. The first person I see when I arrive to register is him right beside me. How on earth do I run into him so fast with 2400 people there! With the day being so busy I didn’t see him again till dinner that night. He surprised me and came to my dinner table and talked to me. Asked for a photo with me. All my friends at my table was like “who is that guy? Why was he flirting with you so bad?” after he left. Honest to god, I didn’t realize he was flirting with me as it felt like how we talked when we text each other. I was happy to see him but yet shocked at my reaction to seeing him. I wanted to give him a hug that night badly to congratulate him but didn’t. After he left that night, I stayed with my friends, I drunk texted him and told him I didn’t have the guts to hug him and apologized. I told him I really wanted to hug him too.

Today is Wednesday, we have been texting like mad again since last Saturday. Talk all day long. I am not even sure this is a healthy relationship. He’s starting to be like the bf I can tell everything to but he isn’t there physically, the long distance bf. I am so confused at my reaction to him when he’s near me too. Somehow, as crazy as it sounds I smile like an idiot and enjoy talking to him. I’ve fallen flat on my face for this guy but I am having problems imagining a future with him cause of the age difference. I want kids but with his age, he probably isn’t ready for kids. I feel like I am being string along too which makes me feel more like an idiot at times. A part of me thinks he only wants to talk to me cause of how I look. He’s always been upfront that he thinks I am gorgeous. Please give me some insights as to how crazy I am cause I am getting tired of all the roller coaster emotions he is giving me for the past 5 months. I want to ask him if he’s lost sleep over me the way I’ve lost sleep over him trying to figure out the type of relationship we have.

Thank you very much for reading.

[BackUpOrGetStng]

Next time he texts you, tell him not to contact you anymore. Ignore all further contact. Move on.


And yes, you are crazy.

[ttylox]

I guarantee he is not even 10% as pre-occupied with you as you are with him. If he read your above post, he'd probably be shocked. Then he'd probably change his number. Sorry, but BackUp is right, cut this one loose for good and don't look back. And yes, you sound like a basket case.

[reeba]

Why do people think texting, chat rooms, and email constitutes the building block for a relationship? Stop emailing/texting him, and find a guy who wants to talk to you in person or at least over the phone.

[Ladybuggg]

Your fast forwards are funny they just dont go fast foward.haha. and your story. Is weird.I think this is one of those situations where I say not everyone u like or likes u,u have to after it to become his gf. I think u r inllove. But he is just. Liking just something about u.. so leave it.and movee on. Cause if u keep pushing u will get hurt.seriously.cause guys may use u .just for u to stop buttering them.or they may give u what u want just cause they feel to much presure from u.and then they will ignore u.and u will feel use. So stop forcing something that is not what u think.if being freinds also doesn't work then stop it.

[Ladybuggg]

There r plenty of nerds around the would that you can relate 2 in a good healty way.so why stay stock on one that is not it for what u want.and no dude that likes a woman for real will leanback.he will find a way to make u his. So its clear this dude is not interested like that in u.

[IndiReloaded]

Crazy, yes.

[haxan]

Just reading that post made me nervous, OP. Are all single 30 something's this neurotic these days? :-/