Fianc� ends thing after 8 years in relationship

[Bowtie2288]

Hey guys, I'm new to posting anything like this but I'm having a really hard time dealing with this:

My man and I have been together since we were just turning 16 and we are now 24. During this time, it has become extremely apparent that he has a hard time talking and expressing his feelings and as a result, have had a couple short breaks during tht time, most importantly two years ago when we were living together and needed some time apart. When we had that breakup, I was a suicidal mess at first but eventually got back on my feet at which point he called and asked me if we could try again. After that, our relationship was healthier than it ever has been and I was, once again, smitten. Last September, he proposed to me and I could not be happier, I began planning the wedding of my dreams! But then last week, after coming back from a trip with the guys, he was in a very foul mood and I ask him what was wrong, he said he was worried about money for the wedding and after a long conversation, we decided to put it off until next summer. All was going well with that, especially since we could put off the stress from the wedding until a few days ago, when he started acting very strangely. He didn't touch me, barely talked to me and overall, was just being distant. I, of course, did not appreciate this and I told him we needed to talk and he agreed. Unfortunately, when I asked him who should start talking, he said he should and he told me he didn't love me anymore. I was so angry when he said this and went into a fit of rage due to his lack of communication prior to this conversation and I asked him "how the hell do you just stop loving someone after being with them for 8 years?" and he couldn't explain so instead he said "I've never loved you" which is likely the most hurtful thing anyone could ever say. I've talked to many mutual friends about this and they say it is insane for him to say that and they know it is untrue, I would really like to go to a councillor with him and really figure things out but, when I went to talk to him about this yesterday, all he does is sob and tell me the same "I never loved you"... I just don't know what to do at this point, the last time we broke up, it was warranted but this time, I feel like the rug has been pulled out from under my feet. Who does this to someone? I wouldn't even do it to someone i don't care about at all. He says he cares about me and he loves being with me and is happy in our relationship but doesn't love me..... Please help

[Stayalive]

I am so sorry to hear this. it must have really. Hurt to hear those words. It seems like he needs a way out. It's hard to believe you can be with someone for 8 years and not ever love them. I've been engaged before and she left me too, so I know where you're coming from. The best thing to do is to try to start moving on. Notice how I say "try to start". Because its hard as hell, and it hurts like hell. But there is hope. We are alive. We have a chance to make new memories with new people. :-) and you'll be fine if you try. Keep us updated.

[Boisdevie]

Better to have found out before you got married. And for the record just because you've been together for 'x' number of years there's no guarantee that it's going to work out forever. Shit happens. Deal with it.

[chrisv24]

That is disgusting. There is no excuse for his behaviour. If you ask me, he needs to spend a lot of time alone and growing up. I think he does love you but is getting extremely cold feet and is worried about the commitment of marriage. You cant go on treading around him. You just have to be blunt and say to him if he really feels this way then he can get lost. If he leaves you again, this is it, there is not going to be another chance.

Follow through with it as well!

[Maple1714]

I am assuming neither one of you have ever really dated anyone else...since you have been together since you were 16? I think you have to date a few people seriously in your life to figure out what you want and what you love in someone. Your BF should not have said what he said to you b/c its very hurtful...even if he really does feel that he never loved you, he doesn't have to say that to you. The best thing to do is to separate...really separate. Take time to heal from this break-up and then meet someone else when you are ready. Meet someone who knows what they want and someone who isn't so confused. Your BF needs to be alone and figure out what he needs/wants out of a partner. He sound unhappy. At least you are not already married. It's hard to find one person who you are willing to stick with through the years...very hard. He isn't the one. Move on.