What do you do when you discover the importance of sexual compatibility too late?

[Wakeup]

why is it then why mostly all rapists and serial killers are sexual deviants? Into sadism and power and control over their victims?

Not what you just said there makes any sense but you forget that the sub has given consent, unlike the rapist or serial killer who doesn't get consent... so people who voluntarily consent are not a victim.

Sure there are many blue collared workers out there who go to work everyday and havent raped anyone but still have an urge for control over the vulnerable (mainly spouses).

Minx (and all those that consent and are not being abused) crave the control when it comes to the bedroom. It does not mean that they are being controlled or abused outside of the bedroom and in the dynamics of their union. Please don't mix up domestic abuse with sexual submission.

I betcha if we were to ask the OP where her fantasies stem from, we would find out about some sort of abuse from the past.

Even if we did find that out it wouldn't make your theory correct as a rule.

Is it right for the mind to feed into these negative compulsions that is attributed from abuse?

It's hardly negative if it's enjoyed and consentual and isn't harming anyone. O.o

Just like ppl who r into children, is it okay to fantasize?

A complete strawman arguement. A child is unable to give informed consent.

To allow your compulsions to take over? I think the answer is obvious.

You're adding your logical fallacies to the discussion as if they were gospel.

Of course there is a diff between fantasizing about kids and fantasising about torturing adults, but the fact is that both are attributed to negative thoughts and behaviours that is degenerative to the mind and others

I'm wondering when you're going to bring up Hitler to try and make your point?

Anyway, i'm not into BDSM ~ although I do enjoy the odd ass slap and hair pull when the mood is right, but your negative assumptions combined with how you compare apples to oranges compelled me to respond.

[bcgirl]

Well I guess we can go on about this and butt heads....but let's just put things in perspective a bit. Lets say the situation was reversed and minx hubby had sexual fantasies that minx was not into like for example he got off with having an orgy with another dude and isn't completely satisfied unless minx wore a dildo and f@cked him or another dude was present in the sexual acts. Or what if her hubby only got turned on if minx dressed up like his mother and wanted her to talk just like his mom in bed, or what if he was into scat and liked to eat her $hit or wanted her to eat his sh!t.....I can go on with more sexual deviancies but u get the point...it would be quite the bummer not being able to please your spouse because of majorly different sexual views. So who should change? Live a lifetime of crappy sex, or in my opinion the spouse who enjoys eating sh!t should seek help to try to change and therefore better the commitment you vowed to commit called marriage

[Wakeup]

Well I guess we can go on about this and butt heads....but let's just put things in perspective a bit. Lets say the situation was reversed and minx hubby had sexual fantasies that minx was not into like for example he got off with having an orgy with another dude and isn't completely satisfied unless minx wore a dildo and f@cked him or another dude was present in the sexual acts. Or what if her hubby only got turned on if minx dressed up like his mother and wanted her to talk just like his mom in bed, or what if he was into scat and liked to eat her $hit or wanted her to eat his sh!t.....I can go on with more sexual deviancies but u get the point...it would be quite the bummer not being able to please your spouse because of majorly different sexual views. So who should change? Live a lifetime of crappy sex, or in my opinion the spouse who enjoys eating sh!t should seek help to try to change and therefore better the commitment you vowed to commit called marriage

You forgot that there is a compromise in there and not just one or the other of your examples. None of which have anything to do with her being a sub and him being dom. If you're going to give examples, how about you keep them to the subject at hand? She's not pushed her desires on her hubby in the least and there are certainly ways that they can get back that passion that she said was "good" in the beginning. You are trying to make a point but while you're doing it you keep saying the same thing using apples and oranges instead of vanilla sex and Dom/Sub or rough sex.

So who should change? Live a lifetime of crappy sex, or in my opinion the spouse who enjoys eating sh!t should seek help to try to change and therefore better the commitment you vowed to commit called marriage

Well shit is not even closely related to what Op desires but, there ya go again.. apples to oranges / shit to shineola. Op covered that herself when she commented on not knowing the importance of being sexually compatible until participating in this forum. However: She also said that she wasn't going to let it ruin her marriage.

It's obvious you think the lifestyle is diviant.. That's fine, just don't compare Ted Bundy to those who like it rough is all I'm saying. I'd say chances are high that there are a whole bunch of "Dexters" out there that like it missionary on the slow side.

[bcgirl]

Op covered that herself when she commented on not knowing the importance of being sexually compatible until participating in this forum. She also said that she wasn't going to let it ruin her marriage.

It's obvious you think the lifestyle is diviant.. That's fine, just don't compare Ted Bundy to those who like it rough is all I'm saying. I'd say chances are high that there are a whole bunch of "Dexters" out there that like it missionary on the slow side.

Actually no there is not. I have a vast background in behavioural sciences and criminal profiling and can say without a doubt that the "dexters" out there 99 to 1 do not prefer slow missionary sex to rough controlling sex.
That is good that the op decided not to allow her sexual fantasies ruin her marriage, but merely pushing compulsive fantasies under the rug and pretending it doesnt exist doesn't do much either...sexual frustration does tend to build up. Talking about it with the hubby and a therapist may be a good step forward

[TheCafeTerrace]

Live a lifetime of crappy sex, or in my opinion the spouse who enjoys eating sh!t should seek help to try to change and therefore better the commitment you vowed to commit called marriage

You can't change your sexual tastes, all you can do is choose to forgo them if your partner is unwilling to indulge them. Many people do this and live fulfilling lives nonetheless - people can even have very loving relationships with partners paralysed from the waist down for example. Whatever you may think of sexual deviants, they generally don't need "help". They're not psychologically damaged or victims of abuse in childhood (no more so than the general population anyway) nor are they likely serial killers and rapists. They just like sex with a bit of flavour. You sound like the kind of person who used to believe homosexuals are the way they are because of an absence of a father figure in childhood, or that gay men are likely to be paedophiles. It's just bollocks, and it has a nasty bigoted tinge to it even though most of the time it's just pure ignorance.

[Wakeup]

Actually no there is not. I have a vast background in behavioural sciences and criminal profiling and can say without a doubt that the "dexters" out there 99 to 1 do not prefer slow missionary sex to rough controlling sex.
That is good that the op decided not to allow her sexual fantasies ruin her marriage, but merely pushing compulsive fantasies under the rug and pretending it doesnt exist doesn't do much either...sexual frustration does tend to build up. Talking about it with the hubby and a therapist may be a good step forward

Can you state your sources, BC? to that 99 to 1 assertion? I'd be curious to read it.

[iamaninnocentma]

You can't change your sexual tastes, all you can do is choose to forgo them if your partner is unwilling to indulge them. Many people do this and live fulfilling lives nonetheless - people can even have very loving relationships with partners paralysed from the waist down for example. Whatever you may think of sexual deviants, they generally don't need "help". They're not psychologically damaged or victims of abuse in childhood (no more so than the general population anyway) nor are they likely serial killers and rapists. They just like sex with a bit of flavour. You sound like the kind of person who used to believe homosexuals are the way they are because of an absence of a father figure in childhood, or that gay men are likely to be paedophiles. It's just bollocks, and it has a nasty bigoted tinge to it even though most of the time it's just pure ignorance.

Gay men are likely to be paedophiles, so you kinda pissed on your own point there. I would have thought someone like you, who has a vast knowledge of the catholic church would know that. Anyway, i thought this perverted shite was getting deleted in 24 hours? How longs left....

[MaidenMinx]

I was going to take this thread down by now but I won't ruin the argument for anyone.

I will say though, BC, you are right, I do have a history of abuse. And? So what? The friend that re-awoke my interests has an extremely typical child hood. Also, the shit you're describing only happens if there is misplaced trust. Why do you think I never jumped into the lifestyle even though I have been curious for a LOOOONG time.

For anyone who is interested, I talked to hubby about this again yesterday, and simply started with "I have been looking at some interesting forums." from there we had a rather frank discussion with ended with us agreeing that at the very least hubby will have a look at these forums. Maybe he'll have some interests tweaked.

[MaidenMinx]

Gay men are likely to be paedophiles, so you kinda pissed on your own point there. I would have thought someone like you, who has a vast knowledge of the catholic church would know that. Anyway, i thought this perverted shite was getting deleted in 24 hours? How longs left....

we're at 26 hours... but I'm enjoying watching the argument

[iamaninnocentma]

A little bit of advice minx if you want your man to slap you about a bit. Dont make his dinner or do any housework for a few days. When my bird does this she gets a right kicking. I think she likes it the lazy bitch.

[MaidenMinx]

lmao! if you saw the state of my houes you'd realise that that is certainly not the case here.

[bcgirl]

Can you state your sources, BC? to that 99 to 1 assertion? I'd be curious to read it.

John Douglas is the founder of the Behavioural Science unit the FBI has today. They are able to profile the criminal's mind is such a way to be able to catch a serial killer, rapist or whatever.
The CCM (Crime Classification Manual) is what police, FBI and courts refer to when working on a violent case. They are able to see the degree of crime and judge what type of character is able to do such crimes based on extensive research and case studies. Most sexual deviants fall under categories of sadists. The Depravity Standard has been made up for sexual natured crimes. You can find it on page 62 onwards.
[url]http://murders.ru/Classific.pdf[/url]
There are "normal deviants" like most people who like oral, anal... and then there are "pathalogical deviants" who are into sadistic stuff etc. (i didn't make up these phrases either).

[quote]They just like sex with a bit of flavour.[quote/]
while a minority do, deviations stem from somewhere. Tons of money was invested into profiling characters and personalities which top investigative firms such as the FBI use today.

I will say though, BC, you are right, I do have a history of abuse. And? So what? The friend that re-awoke my interests has an extremely typical child hood. Also, the shit you're describing only happens if there is misplaced trust.

And how many people did Ted Bundy decieve? Many sadistics also have a sociopathic personality and those types of personalities are wolves in sheeps clothing and are the best in deception. If people only were able to read minds would they truely know what a true sociopath is capable of doing. Oh and at least 1% of the population is a sociopath.

[MaidenMinx]

My brother is a borderline sociopath, as was his father. I know what to look for.
I would never do anything dangerous with anyone I didn't know for a long time.

[iamaninnocentma]

Theres at least 4 sociopaths in this thread, so i reckon their 1% of the population is a bit of an underestimate. Unless LF attracts more than its fair share. I think bcgirl has been watching too much CSI miami though.

[bcgirl]

^ never watched csi and don't believe in cable tv. Like I said I have studied a lot in school on this topic. I post what I know and gaur entee I have much more knowledge in this field than n e one posting. It is a majority of my life and what I do and who I am. That being said I don't just pull facts out of my ass. I have already stated I have a sociopathic personality and thus is the reason why I have vast knowledge in this field as well as the reason I post on this site