confused about what to do

[man-alive]

I have been with my girlfriend for five and a half years. we've lived together for over four years. our relationship has always been strong and we get on great. Gradually over the last two years our sex life has faded a bit. She now has a very low sex drive. I have never pestered her about it. I am patient. I have learned to deal with it. That's fine.
Three months ago she started a new job and started to go on nights out with her new colleagues at least once a week. I have no problem with that at all.

Now, comes the trouble. About two months ago she went for a night out after work on a friday. There was nothing unusual about that. She came home a little later than normal, was a little drunker than normal. I was in bed asleep when she came home, but she woke me up when she got into bed. She was out cold within in a few minutes - I was sober and couldnt get back to sleep. I got up and went to the toilet, and found she'd undressed in there and her clothes were all over the floor (nothing unusual about that either). I decided to pick the clothes up and bring them to the laundry basket. When i picked up her panties, i found them to be damp. I dont normally check my gf underwear but felt compelled to do it on this occasion.
I found what looked to be a fairly fresh cum stain. I was obviously a bit shocked, but i didn't hit the roof and said nothing to her about it. I realise that women have vaginal discharge and felt it could be that. But i had to be sure.
I am not proud of this, but i decided i would secretly check her panties (you may think this ridiculous but put yourself in my shoes for a moment). After about a month, i saw a clear pattern: her panties are clean right throughout the month, every day the same. Yet, the panties she wears on nights out almost always have a white/silver stain in them. And then i found a black blouse she'd worn on a night out - in the bin. It had a similar stain on the front end.

The strange thing about this is: for the last two months she has been her old self. She is more loving towards me, takes more interest in all the things i like, wants to spend more time with me, and we are talking to eachother in the same way we did in our first year together. And our sex life has returned to what it once was.

What the hell do i do??
I think it's obvious she is having an affair. But at the same time our relationship has improved ten fold...

[babypink]

I would have said it was discharge for sure and could have been a one off discharge but if it's every time she goes out and no other time, then that's a different story. How many times are we talking that you've found this mark in her underwear?

Did you pull her up, question her, as to why she threw the blouse away?

I know this sounds awful but is there any way of accidently bumping into her on her next night out to find out once and for all what she's up to?

[man-alive]

I'd say about seven or eight times i have found the stain. A couple of times it have only been a small white/silver mark. But most times its quite a large stain - always in the vaginal area.

I did mention it to her about the blouse. She said that something must have happened to it while in the washing machine. Now, we have had some problems with the washing machine of late, but this particular stain was identical in colour to the ones I found in her panties. And for me, it was in a suspicious area - right at the bottom of the front of the blouse (around the belly button area).
I didn't mention the stains in her panties, to be honest I'm too embarrassed to say that I have been checking them.

I havent considered accidentally bumping into her. Maybe it's something I should think about.

[Swesus]

I'd confront her about it, you don't want to stay with a cheater now do you?

[man-alive]

I still value our relationship. I dont want to lose it.
Confronting her may be the best course of action. Although, I have no idea of how I should start..

[lylufy]

Her panties and blue can not a clear evidence .
I think you still love her much, why don't you check her more to know exactly what happened?
Some time, there are alot of accidents in life.
If you understand accurate what happen, then you can decide better : Forgive to her or leave her.
Good luck !

[mrFrog]

I have been with my girlfriend for five and a half years. we've lived together for over four years. our relationship has always been strong and we get on great. Gradually over the last two years our sex life has faded a bit. She now has a very low sex drive. I have never pestered her about it. I am patient. I have learned to deal with it. That's fine.

Being patient is not the best thing to do in this situation. Since pretending that troubles will be over can make them more serious, you should give them some serious thought. Low sex drive is really a serious problem with long term relationships.
In the case of panties and blouse, I think everyone can smell the troubles here. Many clues of cheating. And maybe she had sex with other guys. But I don't think that she doesn't love you. But love and sex are not synchronised. And the improvement of your relationship is mainly because she feel guilty about her actions.

[smackie9]

I disagree. If she was having an affair, she would be changing with the door closed, keeping her phone with her at all times, deleting her phone history, being emotionally distant, buying new clothing, neglecting keeping the house clean, stops cooking meals, sleeping over at a friends place, etc.

I doubt she is cheating, I have a feeling she was depressed. Starting a new job, getting a new social life had given her a lift.....she feels good about herself, so she is directing that back to you. Women get their sexual drive from their emotions.....if they are depressed the desire goes. Men go through a similar thing like losing a job, easily fall into depression and push themselves away emotionally from the relationship.

As for her underwear being damp.....being a woman I know this.....washrooms at bars near the end of the night run out of toilet paper.....you have no choice but to damp dry with your panties, had to do it many times.

As for the discharge, eating a lot of sugar and sweets, poor diet, hormone changes and depression and get this.....excessive drinking can cause vaginal discharge. So that answers that question boys.

You want this relationship to really work, communicate with her more. She needs romance, openness, and make things more special. I know things get routine when you have been together for awhile, but you can't stop the romantic things you used to do for her, that makes her feel special.

As for the blouse, have you not had those creamy shots of baily's before, B52's, China Whites? She obviously was taking a shot or drink that dribbled a bit on her top.....done that many times too, and the sugar/cream in it can stain. I bet she was was so drunk she didn't realize she tossed it into the bin lol. We do crazy things like that when drinking.....my old man had a few times peed on my towels lol.

[vashti]

I am not proud of this, but i decided i would secretly check her panties (you may think this ridiculous but put yourself in my shoes for a moment).

I think it's obvious she is having an affair.

The only thing "obvious" is that you are a bit psychotic. Is she aware of this?