female porn

[someguy99]

So my wife and I have been married now for 5 years, together for a total of 7. We're both 30 for context.
I would describe our sex life as anywhere from great to lacking. There are times when there is more and times when there is less but overall, not too bad. The nature of our intimacy is more towards the "vanilla" side of things, not bad at all, but not a lot in terms of communication, experimentation or anything like that. I have expressed on numerous occasions that we should be more open with each other in regards to sex. For instance, talking more about what we like, or fantasies, that type of thing. She is very shy about this type of thing for the most part. I always attributed this to a conservative upbringing.

So the point of this post is in regards to a recent discovery. My wife had been making some amazon purchases and left her account logged in on the computer before she left for work. When I went in shortly later, I was searching around the site and noticed some items still in the cart, which lead me eventually to a previous orders page, which indicated there were numerous digital downloads of erotic literature. (to her cell phone). At first I wasn't too shocked, considering she recently read the 50 shades books, etc. As I looked a little bit closer, I realized that the nature of content was a lot more extreme than anything I would have expected. She downloaded several short stories at a time (five or six at a shot), on several different occasions over the past few months, totaling at least 30 or so. The subject of the erotic fiction generally stuck with the same few topics, including lesbian encounters, group sex, domination, etc.

Now I'm a guy, so yes I watch porn from time to time. I'm not going to be a hypocrite about this and I'm not going to say I'm disgusted or anything by the particular topics. I realize these are fantasies that people have and that its perfectly natural to have fantasies. I certainly don't think there is anything wrong with my wife having fantasies. I guess I'm just shocked over the discovery given the very reserved nature of our own sexual relationship. I know this is pretty much akin to a woman finding the porn links in the browser history and knowing what her husband is up to. The question really is, what do I do about it?

Like I said, I'm not upset that she has fantasies in any way, but its a bit hurtful that this is an aspect of herself that she has chosen to keep hidden. I think it's a safe assumption she didn't want me to know about this. Do I just forget about it? Do I confront her about it? If so, I don't want her to be embarrassed, but I can see her getting mad over it. Personally, I would feel better if she knew I knew, rather than her continuing to do this in secret, but I'm not sure what the right thing to do is or how to approach it without her getting pissed.

Have any men on here been in a similar situation? Or are any women IN my wife's position? How would you think I should approach this?

Thanks for any thoughts you might have.

[distilled]

Someguy, go read "The Married Man Sex Life Primer 2011", you'll thank me later. Amazon has it in paperback and also a kindle edition. The author of that book had a sexually shy wife and he goes over some great ideas/tips on how he got his wife to come out of her shell. I don't know how long you guys been married but maybe your wife is bored of the same vanilla routine and erotica gets her going.

[someguy99]

Looks like a good read. I'll take a look for sure.
The real question however, is should I confront her about what I already know?

[mrFrog]

Don't confront her about it. What's your purpose by doing that? Your wife search for erotic novels mainly because you didn't satisfy her in sex life. I'm convinced that sex is one of the basic issues in marriage. Instead of trying to persuade her to give the novels up, just attempt to improve you sex skills. You also can read those novels for reference. Reply to tell us if you want further information on how to improve your sex skills?

[TheCafeTerrace]

I would mention it - have a few drinks first though, maybe a bottle of wine or two. Just say "I saw some of the books you bought, they looked great - do you want to try anything together?" Domination fantasies are common as ****ing muck these days (ergh, I liked it before it went mainstream btw! Way back when BDSM was mentioned in hushed voices.) It's easy enough to replicate in real life too, unlike in your particular circumstance where group-sex and lesbianism is relatively unlikely (I'm making assumptions here, so correct me if I'm wrong)

[crysania]

I read all of those books too. They're the latest thing. Don't take it personally. Every female I know has also read them. Apart from being a little sexy, they've got storylines so it's not just sex.

[InYourFACE]

Hmm... why do people like to snoop around their partner?
why people. that is nasty and stupid especially out of the blue.

And act like it just happen, no fool you was snooping around that is what you was looking for
so you found it! happy?

I think maybe you can ask her what are her sexual fantasy's,and lesbian should not be one of it anyway

[dem862]

Take this as an opportunity. You now have a reason to discuss with your wife how to spice up your vanilla sex life. The details of how you do this depend on your relationship dynamics. You know her better than anybody on here.

[InYourFACE]

Or give her a good night of sex make her squirte a couple of times.
Maybe she will come back to her senses and leave those rubbish videos.
Start by treating her extremely well a day before till the next night when you are
going to give her that special night. and keep working on being a good husband,
Cause bad sex comes also when you are not doing your job well.
or treat her bad.

[haxan]

Domination fantasies are common as ****ing muck these days (ergh, I liked it before it went mainstream btw! Way back when BDSM was mentioned in hushed voices.)

You mean like back in the early-mid 90's, before everyone had internet access......when you were in kindergarten lol

OP, women love erotica. To read it, to hear it. They love dirty talk, but it has to be done sensuously, intimately. Not everyone naturally possesses the ability to say what they're thinking, especially when they're having vivid sexual thoughts. Work on heightening your sexuality with her between her ears, that's the need that she's wanting fulfilled.

[someguy99]

Or give her a good night of sex make her squirte a couple of times.
Maybe she will come back to her senses and leave those rubbish videos.
Start by treating her extremely well a day before till the next night when you are
going to give her that special night. and keep working on being a good husband,
Cause bad sex comes also when you are not doing your job well.
or treat her bad.

Hmm... why do people like to snoop around their partner?
why people. that is nasty and stupid especially out of the blue.

And act like it just happen, no fool you was snooping around that is what you was looking for
so you found it! happy?

I think maybe you can ask her what are her sexual fantasy's,and lesbian should not be one of it anyway

I think everyone on this thread can agree, you're a complete idiot.

[someguy99]

I agree that she's has sexual fantasies that she's exploring through this literature and I'm sure it has something to do with our sex life. I'm sure there there is some part of her that wants a spicier sex life. I get that. So to the people responding who are offering me sex advice, you're missing the point of the question.
The question, again, is should I talk to her about the books?
The part that upsets me, is not that she has fantasies or that she's reading them. What upsets me is that there is this big aspect of her sexuality that she obviously doesn't want to share with me. She doesn't want me to know she has these fantasies, or at least it seems that way considering she never talks about anything like this. I would want her to feel like she can share her fantasies with me and its upsetting that its not the case currently. So that being said, again, do I say anything about the fact that I know about the books?

[searock]

Isn't there an aspect of your sex life that you don't share with your wife? I'm talking about masturbating. Don't you like a bit of privacy from time to time?

If it upsets you in any way (which it does), then why not, talk to her about it. Just do it in a fun, curious and light way. It's like porn for you, not a big deal right?

[confuser]

I don't think she is hiding it from you just because she didn't tell you. How would she do that? "Hey honey, look at all these sexy books I read?" Let the books go, and spice up your sex life a bit.

[babypink]

Firstly i agree inyourface is a complete idiot.

Secondly how about waiting a while then buying her one of those books, or passing on one that you have read. Shes obviously shy about it so if you confront her it will make an issue of it. Try the subtle way, maybe something a little lighter to start with and don't tell her you know. It's not lying or secretive it's dealing with it in the right way....