Dazed and Confused

[Mztbelle]

I was going with this guy for 5 years which resulted in an engagement that I eventually broke it off a little more then a year ago. It was not a good breakup and there was no conversation at all until 9 months into the breakup and my ex leaves a message to call him on his new cell#he has to "run something by me" Curious me did call and 2hours later It made no sense why he wanted me to call, so I threw out to him maybe we sometime could get togehter for a drink,he paused and then I said forget it,he said no if I call you have to go for that drink. 6 weeks later he calls again to tell me he didn't forget about the drink he "promised" he was tying up some business issues and as soon as that was done he would call. I said that wasn't necessary he said I want to. New Years Day he calls to wish me a happy new years the year before we were broken up and he never called me. He said he was putting away something and it reminded him of me so he called. We were on the phone for 3 hours talking about everything and anything he said he moved on with his live etc. so I threw out I am seeing someone and the guy just gave me an engagement ring can you believe. He said dont you think he rushed it a little and said to take my time and maybe this guy might not be for me. Then he said you know we have to get together for that drink. I said it wasn't necessary we had just talked for 3 hours ,and he said no we should and that he would call. 2 weeks later he calls my cell#and my house # but leaves no message. The day after Valentine's Day he calls and asks if I want to meet him the following evening for a drink. We had dinner and small talk he mentions nothing like I screwed up and would love to give it a try. 3 hours later we walk to his car. I give him a hug and then another to see where his head is at. One thing leads to another and we wind up kissing and kissing pretty passionate. We both were crying about the past and he said if I knew this was what was going to happen I wouldn't have suggested the drink. He said I hurt him by breaking off the engagement. He reminiced about all the good times we had and what we did together.But the thought never occured to him how many times and I mean many times he was down right hurtful in the 5 years and took it.Anyway we leave and I thought I left something in his truck so I call him on his cell. We talk for about 45 min. I apologized for getting upset it was hard seeing him etc. We are ending the conversation and he says if you ever need to talk give me a call. I said that wouldn't be necessary I have girlfriends for that he said if you need a nail put in the wall or anything hung up give him a call. I said let me get this right if I needed something hung up and I called you you would come over he said yes it would cost you dinner. I dont get it he told me he was over me there was no feelings,we agreed there was no point in getting in touch with either one of us and then he says give him a call if I ever want to talk. I am so confused what do you think about this whole thing?????? I know I am rambling about alot of things but I kind of thought with time apart and him being in contact with me maybe something would have changed or was I crazy to hopelessly believe that if yu are so special to some person they will change!!!!!!!!Thanks for your input I appreciate it.

[bohemiandonut]

Wow... that is intense, girly.

First of all, are you really engaged? If so... Hmm... this is a tuffy. Well, it's obvious that your ex still feels for you, and word of your being engaged apparently hit him pretty hard. If you tell him you want to give it another chance he will gladly accept, it's a guarantee.

But... you're engaged. At least, I think you are? That's some heavy stuff. If you are having feelings for the ex you MUST break off the engagement, it's just stupid to rush into marriage when you're not settled.

I'm not sure what you want to happen. I would guess that you would take the ex back if you had some sort of assurance that he has "changed." You are the only one who can decide that, though. You need to be smart here, too, and try to remain impervious to all those feelings that are coming back. You need to ask yourself: "Who was the man I broke an engagement with? Why did I do that? Is this the same man, or has he honestly become the man I wanted to love?"

Be honest with yourself, and don't allow nostalgia to skew your judgement. He hasn't said that he has changed... But then again did you ever communicate those expectations and wants to the guy, or just abandon him?

Be careful.
Peace.

[Mztbelle]

thanks bohemiandonut love the name and picture. N I am currently not engaged,I threw that out to him to get a reaction since he was telling me he has moved on etc.,etc. As far as wanting him to change I tried many times to discuss the issues with him. I think that is what did us in lack of communication dancing around subjects. I guess I just wanted to hear that I haven't lost my mind this guy called so many times and then makes sure he tells me he has no more feelings.