Help dealing with my mother...

[vashti]

I think you should consider paying them back for those two semesters. You had a deal.

And cut contact.

[TheTooya]

Tooya, was what you did with your grades illegal, and does your mother have proof?

It wasn't illegal, but it was morally wrong. Problem is, my mom was the one who told me to do it... and now she is threatening to sue me for doing it. :/

I think you should consider paying them back for those two semesters. You had a deal.

And cut contact.

Sounds reasonable to me. Thanks for the advice. The problem I am facing is my mom is trying to get the full bill put on my plate.

[HeartIsAching]

shut up faggot you are a douchebag retarded ass hole

I'm going to reply with some big words, so you may want to get out your dictionary. You do have a dictionary, don't you? Do you know how to use it? Ok, here goes.

The word faggot should never be used as a pejorative indicating homosexuals. The etymology of the word is so incredibly horrible that no civilized person could ever condone it's proper usage.

Additionally, "Asshole" is a single word. Sort of like your intelligence quotient is a single digit.

[IndiReloaded]

LOL, she's spelling it wrong too. Its only got one 'g'. Anyway, I thought it meant a stick or a cigarette.

Here's a fun one I learned when in Australia (the aussies can confirm or not). I was told I shouldn't call my bag a fannie pack (my waist belted purse). Apparently fannie is offensive. We had a good laugh also when I learned that flip-flop sandals are called 'thongs'. Tho the analogy made immediate sense.

[HeartIsAching]

LOL, she's spelling it wrong too. Its only got one 'g'. Anyway, I thought it meant a stick or a cigarette.

Here's a fun one I learned when in Australia (the aussies can confirm or not). I was told I shouldn't call my bag a fannie pack (my waist belted purse). Apparently fannie is offensive. We had a good laugh also when I learned that flip-flop sandals are called 'thongs'. Tho the analogy made immediate sense.

Yes... specifically firewood. As in what you light on fire.

[HeartIsAching]

LOL, she's spelling it wrong too. Its only got one 'g'. Anyway, I thought it meant a stick or a cigarette.

Here's a fun one I learned when in Australia (the aussies can confirm or not). I was told I shouldn't call my bag a fannie pack (my waist belted purse). Apparently fannie is offensive. We had a good laugh also when I learned that flip-flop sandals are called 'thongs'. Tho the analogy made immediate sense.

I've heard that too. A family I knew in The Netherlands had lived in Australia for a time... they were down at the beach one day and she looked at her daughter and said to her friend "I've got to put her on a diet, her fanny is getting too big". Her friend was horrified "You can't say that!"

[searock]

It wasn't illegal, but it was morally wrong. Problem is, my mom was the one who told me to do it... and now she is threatening to sue me for doing it. :/

Well, if you did nothing illegal, what can she sue you for :S?

[vashti]

Sounds reasonable to me. Thanks for the advice. The problem I am facing is my mom is trying to get the full bill put on my plate.

I don't know your family's view of parental responsibility regarding higher education costs, but I think it is their moral responsibility to provide for it (if they can afford it) and so long as you meet their academic standards. I understand them not paying for some portion of your fees when you didn't do well, but the whole expense? Is that what you agreed to?

[HeartIsAching]

I don't know your family's view of parental responsibility regarding higher education costs, but I think it is their moral responsibility to provide for it (if they can afford it) and so long as you meet their academic standards. I understand them not paying for some portion of your fees when you didn't do well, but the whole expense? Is that what you agreed to?

Besides that, a "C" isn't exactly the end of the world. It's not like it's a failing grade, it was just not a fantastic grade.

[TheTooya]

I don't know your family's view of parental responsibility regarding higher education costs, but I think it is their moral responsibility to provide for it (if they can afford it) and so long as you meet their academic standards. I understand them not paying for some portion of your fees when you didn't do well, but the whole expense? Is that what you agreed to?

As far as I remember, the agreement was per semester. Granted, its been 2 years since I graduated, and this agreement was made 6 years ago.

Unfortunately, they also had commit identity theft under my name... so when I attempted to get a loan to cover part of the cost of tuition, I was out right denied by every bank.

I guess the biggest shame is that I recently sold some of my company stock options to bail my parents out (they were in a pinch, and needed money)... and because I took back my credit cards from them, I am not seeing a penny of the $5k loan I gave them. :/

--

So... I have a lot of reasons as to why I don't believe I should pay them back for tuition.... I'm just uncomfortable with the fact that my mom is saying she will sue me if I don't do what she says. That... sounds like some sort of control game...


@searock

Welp, I am in America, and people can sue for whatever they want these days :/

[TheTooya]

Son, you will pay the points back at the least. You have caused this disruption not anyone else and we are the ones that lose either way regarding the card usage not to mention the miles which are less important. If you do not, I will give your mother the green light to have one of the attorneys subpoena your school records to see if you have lied about your grades which prompted me to pay for your college if you met minimum agreed standards. If you did not and you changed your grades or omitted reports, I will pursue this in civil court against you and we will make it public to both your school as well as your company’s CEO, CFO and CTO in addition to requesting the return of your tuition funds that I paid on your behalf. This is not a threat. I am clinical and will do this merely to teach you a “hard earned lesson” that is way past due- one that which if you continue to shit on your mother past the end of Oct., I will break you in two mate…test my resolve and “your world”-what you have left of it, will incur a substantial and unsettling whirlwind by the end of Oct.

On the other hand, this is not what I want to do not even in the slightest because I just want to see you go on and live a productive life, quietly but no longer with us as a unit.. The issue at hand here though is you are going to be taught there are consequences-one way or the other. If you take care of the airline miles issue and admit that you have not maintained the agreed grade point average or that you did adhere to it, I will drop this altogether even though you have ruined the relationship with your mother as well as the card usage which was highly important to us, financially. Further, I will not pursue the subpoena and making the matter public with your school and employer if and only if your mother is satisfied with your apology. You do not have to “grovel” but it better be enormously ****ing sincere. I am not asking you for an apology. I am not asking you for anything with respect to me as I simply do not care anymore-period… but what I do care about is your actions toward your mother. Son, please take me serious-more so than ever before. Otherwise, I am going to make it my mission to bring an insurmountable base of destruction on you by the end of Oct. if your mother is not satisfied with your response. Govern yourself accordingly.

So... what do I do? I have "proof" that I am getting blackmailed. A large part of me wants to give into his demands, but I have already given them $4000 2 weeks ago, and assumed $3000 debt from the credit cards they fraudulently maxed out, and I feel like I am starting to be spread very thin here..... and to be honest, if I did follow through with his demands, he might not even comply and demand more.

[HeartIsAching]

So... what do I do? I have "proof" that I am getting blackmailed. A large part of me wants to give into his demands, but I have already given them $4000 2 weeks ago, and assumed $3000 debt from the credit cards they fraudulently maxed out, and I feel like I am starting to be spread very thin here..... and to be honest, if I did follow through with his demands, he might not even comply and demand more.

LOL... I wouldn't actually suggest it, but you could email them back and let them know that if they sue, you'll be counter-suing for fraud and identity theft.

But really, I'd suggest getting a lawyer's opinion. I personally think that if you do, and if you refer all communications to him/her, they'll desist.

[IndiReloaded]

I was going to suggest a lawyer also. Or perhaps start with the police. You could tell them you are being threatened and get a restraining order on him.

Your parents are insane. Your own parents are trying to scam you, kiddo. They have no integrity at all.

Why haven't you blocked them yet?? Why did you give them money again?? You are creating your own mess here. Bounce the email back as 'undeliverable'. Break contact completely.

If you must, send a brief message saying the following:

Please stop trying to contact me. All your messages are going to my trash unread. I have a record of all your communication to me. I have contacted the police. If you contact me again, I will follow up and get a restraining order on you.

Do actually contact the police, bring a copy of the email where your stepfather threatened you. If this were not your family, you would be arresting them for fraud. I believe the cutoff for minor theft is $<2000 and this is much more.

[IndiReloaded]

As far as I remember, the agreement was per semester. Granted, its been 2 years since I graduated, and this agreement was made 6 years ago.

Unfortunately, they also had commit identity theft under my name... so when I attempted to get a loan to cover part of the cost of tuition, I was out right denied by every bank.

I guess the biggest shame is that I recently sold some of my company stock options to bail my parents out (they were in a pinch, and needed money)... and because I took back my credit cards from them, I am not seeing a penny of the $5k loan I gave them. :/

--

So... I have a lot of reasons as to why I don't believe I should pay them back for tuition.... I'm just uncomfortable with the fact that my mom is saying she will sue me if I don't do what she says. That... sounds like some sort of control game...


@searock

Welp, I am in America, and people can sue for whatever they want these days :/

God, this could go on Jerry Springer. Don't your parents have anything better to do than harass and commit fraud on their child? Are they really redneck or what?

[vashti]

God, Tooya - your parents sound really awful.

I agree that you should tell them you will be counter-suing for identity theft/fraud, and that a judge would probably look upon that less favorably than letting your parents pay your college tuition.

I know it must suck to have such pathetic parents, but another thing to remind yourself is that you have learned a lot about how NOT to be, and it sounds like you have developed much better character because of your experiences. You are proof that people can rise above their upbringings.