What is happening to me?

[shenmue]

despite all this crap that's gone on, I still don't want to hate this bitch, even though she broke my heart and continues to do so. I've lost weight , wake up tight chested, have nightmares about her, and anxiety attacks. Even my mom says how depressed and worn out I look. I can't leave this place where I met her, I love what I'm being trained in too much. I know I should get over it. I am in no position to meet anyone else and don't want to. I don't know what to do.

[jane]

man, I can't tell you how often I have been there. This never gets easier. You have to learn to grow with it. There is a book, if you want to read it. It amy help you. I'm sure i ma going to be laughed at for this but the book, Women are from venus, Men are from Mars??, he put out a book for people who just broke up from a really bad break up..His name is John Gray.
Here is a qoute for you..

" It is hard to be compassionate when we are angry..By expressing our feelings of frgiveess and understanding will enable us to remember the love we shared in the beginning. Forgiveness is not real until we remeber our positive feelings of love." John Gray

I understand what you are going through and I know you are in a bad place right now. You NEED to remember the good times you had with the fondness you had and understand that it goes away wih time. Patience is not only a virtute ... but a life saver too.
My suggestion is to get a jouranl and write about it. The more you get it out of your system.. the more likely you are to move on. Shenmue, I understand... believe me, it will get better.

[shenmue]

thank you jane, you're a godsend. I just am torn between forgiveness and hatred for how she hurt me and still continues to. Where's the dignity in forgiving someone who broke your heart and didn't give a shit, and maybe even enjoyed it?

I should probably just give her some time and maybe try to reconcile somehow.... but she's still keeping up the flirting.. and is there dignity in pining away and kissing ass to someone who won't give you a chance?

[shenmue]

Sometimes I think I should try to reconcile.... then make myself availible if she ever smartens up to know that I love her and the moron she likes now probably just likes her.

[jane]

any time...
You 'll get over her, i promise. I understand completely how you feel. The best way to get over her is to know that she is dumb for not choosing you and YOU KNOW THAT!!

She has no right to know how you feel. I wouldn't even waste my time telling her. Not only will she not care, but honestly, she doesn't ned to know how she hurt you. Girls like that think they are better then everyone else.

Be strong and let her go. You deserve better. Open your heart to someone who wants to love you in return.

[shenmue]

god bless you for saying that jane. You don't know how thankful I am. Hope things are well for u.

[jane]

Originally posted by shenmue
Where's the dignity in forgiving someone who broke your heart and didn't give a shit, and maybe even enjoyed it?

and is there dignity in pining away and kissing ass to someone who won't give you a chance?

It is for your sake, not for hers. You need to do it for closure. To be able to walk away with the knowledge of this girl can't hurt me anymore. I feel nothing.. It is to make you close a door to be able to open another.



no, I don't think so. it makes you look like no matter what she does you'll let her do it. Be strong and no matter what ..

DO NOT KISS HER ASS!!! She should be kissing yours.

[shenmue]

you're right the truth hurts. I just wonder if it would be wise to leave myself in a good position in case she matures.

[jane]

why? even if she did, she's not worth you. Don't you see that? She doesn't deserve you waiting around for that day and you should moveon to better things. There will be a better person for you. Don't let her get to you like this. Your much to strong for that , right!

[thesynergist]

IT DOESN'T MATTER WHAT YOU DO, SHE'S GONE....

Any attention she shows you, any "flirting" she keeps up...probably just for her own sadistic pleasure. She doesn't even have to be in a relationship with you to control you, but she's making the most of the opportunity, feeding off of your sorrow.

SHE IS NOT THE ONE...

The world is full of women...they are EVERYWHERE...and you know what they flock to?

CONFIDENCE and STRENGTH.
To hell with sensitivity and feelings and catering to her every whim...you are a MAN, so start acting like it. Stand tall! Say what you mean! Don't take 5h!t from some chick that's just dragging you over barb wire and broken glass because she can! WAIT FOR HER! You've got to be kidding...forget she ever existed, forget her name, forget what planet she's from...she is USELESS to you...NOT INTERESTED. The longer you let her lead you on,the longer you even agknowledge she exists, the weaker you'll look to her. You've only got one life, and it's short, so put away your tissues, strap em' on, and act like a MAN!!!!

[shenmue]

I'm every bit a man. I'm done with her, love did some strange things.

[jane]

thats what i'm talking about! right on!

[shenmue]

I am reading "what a difference a day makes" by the bachelor guy bob guinney {sp}

it's eerie he describes thing the way I do andclosely to how I have felt.

I have realized this: I do love her. I won't lower myself to pursue her. I am in near constant agony because of her, I am furious over what she did to me. The love is there, but I control it I fight off dreaming of her and won't look at her directly. It's all I can do for now.

Her friend is bugging me as to what happened with us, I'm going to tell her to do whatever gossip she wants and that I truly love her {not the friend} and she broke my heart and I'm in unbearable agony because of her. If she tells her this I don't care.

Like I said the love is there but I control it. I'm hoping that after a long time of controlling it it'll be easier to kill or die on it's own.

[IceQueen]

IMHO it's as much what you did to yourself as what she did to you. In some perverse way, you must enjoy being the victim, as you position yourself to be hurt by her over, and over, and over again. From the side, it looks like a person repeatedly stepping on a garden hoe, only for it to smack him on the head over and over again.

If you had any common sense, you'd stop keeping tabs on her and following her every step under the guise of "love" (which in your case, to be completely frank, is truly nothing other than masochism), and get yourself as far from the source of your pain (sounds logical, now, doesn't it) as humanly possible.

[shenmue]

Well happy birthday to me.

Your little insults are ridiculous, and just so you know I got over her and have moved on, but to imply that falling in love with someone and then having that person nearly kill you inside is somehow my fault is absolute bullshit.

One who knows nothing can understand nothing. Next time keep it shut until you know the whole story.