A really complicated situation

[Degr8n8]

Recently I had left my girlfriend of 5 months because she was on antidepressants which really made her moody. It was difficult for me to tell whether I cared for her
because of who she was or what the medicine had made her to be. There were even times where should make me spend 3-4 hours on the phone with her because she was crying over something that I couldn't seem to understand, or days she would cry from being self conscious. All of this was very stressful for me to deal with, especially
after only spending 5 months with her. I am only 20 years of age and I felt that I was not ready for something like that. So a week after the break up she sends me all
these messages about how she misses me, and tells me that she has something of mine that i need to pick up. After I pick up my possession and am about to leave she
asks me why I left her. (I obviously didn't tell her when I broke up because she would have taken very sensitively to it.) This conversation took 3 hours and she finally got it out of me. She then said that she really missed me and does not want to give up on the relationship.

I was really firm and told her that I had made my decision and that I am NOT GOING BACK. In response she told me that she will consider getting off the antidepressants if
it makes everything better. I then told her that it is a personal decision and that I do not support her doing it for me, because she would be doing it for all the wrong
reasons. For example, if she got off the depressants for me and I got back into the relationship only to realize it made everything worse and then left again she would hate me and have every reason in the world to.
Right now she has called her doctor to make an appointment to get off the medication and now I am sitting here thinking what is going to come of this? She could become worse or better. And there is something inside of me that is telling me not to go back. When i asked her why she is getting off the medication she told me that I was her
inspiration but not her purpose. In addition I feel that her parents probably don't like me much because this was the second time I left their daughter
(which has put her through a lot from what I heard) and I know that my parents would not support the fact of me going back because this is the second time i decided to
leave this relationship.


On another note, this whole week I have been single I am begging to question whether all women are like that or did i come across some special case. I am really interested in meeting new people but some how I feel obligated to stay single because everything my ex has done. There is even this really awesome girl that has taken interest in
me but I am afraid to move on because I will leave my ex in a far worse situation than she is now...... All my friends are telling me that I should move on....

If this helps at all, my ex told me that she loved me at 4 months and as much as i cared for her I couldn't say it back. Right now I feel like this is still the case....
I really need advice telling me whether to go back or to move on and how to handle each situation. For example, if i decide to move on how should i break it to her because she is going to nag me from here to kingdom come until I give her a good reason.


Please somebody help me! I am only 20 and this is so much to go through. I really don't want to hurt anybody.

THANK YOU!

[BackUpOrGetStng]

You came across a whack-a-loon. Not all women are like this, but most are to a much lesser extent at times. All women are crazy, but that varies in degree and the good ones know how to catch their crazy.

Your best bet is to text this girl(don't waste hours of your time calling or going to see her), and tell her that you're not getting back with her ever. Wish her luck, and tell her that you will not be contacting her or responding to any contact from her. It sounds cold, but it will help her more in the long run. There's no way to completely avoid hurting her feelings, so you may as well be as direct as possible. No contact is the way to go, especially with an emotional vampire like this girl. The girl is selfish/codependent, don't let her depression fool you.

[Degr8n8]

@Backuporgetstng , thank you for your reply

She does.have a long history and a lot of baggage,although she tells me the anti depressants are to help her focus and are not for depression. What if she becomes a completely better
person once she is off of them? Is this a risk worth waiting for. Also I agree with you for I have dated two other women in the past, the first one was a little self concious and had a small
drinking issue and the second women was resilient and hard as a rock, nothing seemed to bother her. (too bad she lives 8,000 miles away.)

[BackUpOrGetStng]

Anti depressants are for depression. This broad clearly is depressed and codependent and it will probably take years for it to get better. Move on and if you cross paths again, evaluate it then. You really should cut her off completely though. It will be more of the same, and she will swear up and down that she's better.

[Degr8n8]

Anti depressants are for depression. This broad clearly is depressed and codependent and it will probably take years for it to get better. Move on and if you cross paths again, evaluate it then. You really should cut her off completely though. It will be more of the same, and she will swear up and down that she's better.

Thank you for your support! I have done some research and I agree with you. The withdrawals from anti depressants are very difficult to deal with and getting better isn't
something that is going to happen over night. As much as I hate to do this I am going to sever all connections. I just need to find a nice way to do it....if there is one....

If anyone else that reads this has anything to add please feel free to do so! I will be checking this forum frequently.

[BackUpOrGetStng]

Don't find a nice way to do it. Do it, the shortest most direct way possible. You want her to stop contacting you, not give her hope. It's fine if she thinks you're an asshole, she'll get over it, and even if she doesn't she's a bitch for trying to hold you hostage emotionally. Just send her a text like this,"I really hope you get better, but I don't think we should speak anymore." Ignore all contact after that, even if she threatens to harm herself. You may even want to block the number.

[Degr8n8]

Don't find a nice way to do it. Do it, the shortest most direct way possible. You want her to stop contacting you, not give her hope. It's fine if she thinks you're an asshole, she'll get over it, and even if she doesn't she's a bitch for trying to hold you hostage emotionally. Just send her a text like this,"I really hope you get better, but I don't think we should speak anymore." Ignore all contact after that, even if she threatens to harm herself. You may even want to block the number.

Thank you, I just did as you said. Unfortunately she had a very negative response and after seeing her response I am glad I didn't stay in the relationship. Her response was
a crazy one where she started making false claims about my actions in order to dissuade me. I am now free and she is completely disconnected from my life!
Again thanks for your help.

[martiantimeslip]

In relationships where someone is depressed, you have to remember you can't be someone's psychologist. You have to do what's right for you. She should get professional help for her depression issues. Trying to be someone's psychologist and someone's emotional crutch is not a healthy relationship. Glad to hear you've cut it off with her and are moving on.

[IndiReloaded]

Antidepressants are for depression, not to help 'focus'. IMO, if they must be taken at all, they should only be taken for short term, acute situations. They aren't daily multivitamins to maintain good mental health. Why her doctor prescribed them is beyond me. Shameful. People need to learn to deal with their stress, not drug-numb themselves from it.

[Boisdevie]

If it's any consolation to the OP I had something similar happen. I dumped a woman for being very similar. She turned round and accused me of theft and told me she'd call the cops!! A few months later and she texts me saying she wants to see me!! Some people are just batshit crazy and will not change.

[Degr8n8]

Antidepressants are for depression, not to help 'focus'. IMO, if they must be taken at all, they should only be taken for short term, acute situations. They aren't daily multivitamins to maintain good mental health. Why her doctor prescribed them is beyond me. Shameful. People need to learn to deal with their stress, not drug-numb themselves from it.

That is so true. As far as I know, she has been on them for years. In our conversation I tried telling her that she can't be on this medication for the rest of her life and that it
is for overcoming a difficulty in one's life. Once the difficulty is passed you should get off of them. I told her that I totally disagree with her doctor and that I think it is wrong to prescribe medication for such reasons...yet again what does my opinion mean, I am not a doctor.

[IndiReloaded]

Tyet again what does my opinion mean, I am not a doctor.

Doctors are merely specialized car mechanics, but for humans. Whether they are sensible (or wise enough) to send a patient packing is another story. I remember the days of sugar pills (to make someone feel better who really didn't need medication). Now you'd get your ass sued., plus the drug companies would frown (or worse) on the practice.

She needs to learn this lesson herself (she is stronger than she thinks and doesn't need the crutch of drugs). You need to go find someone stronger and more mentally healthy, so *you* can be happy. You are in different places in life. That always causes problems. Good luck.