this girl that cheated on her bf with me wont stop texting me or leave me alone....

[alex17]

Ok so this girl cheated on her bf who left to Afghanistan on deployment with me. He basically came home and she is with him every day now not me. She sends me like 5 to 10 text messages a day telling me how much she loves me and misses me and I am the one she is supposed to be with. Things like "you are my soul mate" "I miss you so damn bad and this hurts me so much, I just need time to figure this all out" "PLEASE talk to ME!!!!" "I am BEGGING you to talk to me, PLEASE!!!!!" "PLEASE don't do this!!!!!! I love you!!!!!" "I need you to talk to me please, I don't even get along with him". I stopped responding to her and for 2 weeks now she has been constantly texting me and telling me she loves me and misses me. I even told her to please get rid of my phone number and leave me alone but she said she would never do that because she loves me to much and I mean to much to her. I would like to know everyone's thoughts about all of this... How crazy is this girl? She is back with her BF she cheated on for a year, she is with him 24/7 and living with him again, but texting me every day telling me all this bs... Also what do you all think i should do? She will not stop...

[Kendall679]

Ignore her. Don't talk because that's just fuel for her. Change your number, block hers, and avoid her. She'll eventually get the picture. Not much else you can do since you've already told her. As for the crazy, it obviously meant more to her then you. People do crazy things when they're hurt.

[alex17]

The girl is obviously a liar telling me all that and changing who she is and what she has been doing now that the bf is back from his 1 year... it's all just so weird... it seems like so much work to fake all of it for a year..

[searock]

Why did you allow her to cheat on her boyfriend for a whole year, if you didn't even have feelings for her? That's a pretty crappy thing to do.

[BackUpOrGetStng]

Searock, is this your way of trying to get me cranked up?

He didn't allow her to do anything. She made the choice to cheat on her b/f for a year.

[searock]

Yes, and that's her mistake entirely, *her* actions are NOT the OP's responsibility (I mean it, I'm not being sarcastic).

But the OP made his own mistake, and he *is* responsible for his own actions: he slept with a married woman - without even being in love with her. I phrased it wrong, what I should have said is, "why did you allow yourself to sleep with a married woman". That's a shitty thing to do. Not only was she married and therefore he was an accomplice in the cheating, he also led her on, making her believe that they had "something", while in fact he was just using her for sex, knowing that he had an easy way out whenever he got bored with her. This is cowardly, selfish and dishonest. Obviously nothing good could have come from this, and how he actually expected otherwise is beyond me.

[IndiReloaded]

I don't see where he says she was married.

@ Stung, this is an old argument. We know you don't think there is anything wrong with what this guy did. We all agree this woman is trouble tho.

@ OP - just tell her to leave you alone. You need not even explain yourself, but if you wanted to you could always say that you realized what you (both of you) did was wrong. She should work on her marriage, etc. Take the high road, she'll disappear. Women hate to be judged, *especially* when she knows you are right about it. Even if you did have feelings for her, this whole situation is screwed to begin with. Consider yourself lucky you aren't in love with her.

[Illusional]

instead of asking us about this, why don't you talk to her current bf about it. i'm sure that it will definitely get her to think twice about you.


raverboy

[HeartIsAching]

Text her back.

Tell her that you're aware of certain truths:

Cheaters cheat. You don't want to be with a cheater.

Then say "Have a nice life".

[BackUpOrGetStng]

Thanks for rephrasing.

I don't see where it implies he was just using her and has no feelings for her. He says, she is with him everyday now, not me. This sounds like he would have liked to stay 'with' her to me. It also implies that they spent a lot of time together with is something you probably wouldn't do with a girl you're just using for sex. Whichever one of us is right, really doesn't change anything, and I agree he brought this on himself, and should have seen at least some of this coming.

[IndiReloaded]

He says, she is with him everyday now, not me. This sounds like he would have liked to stay 'with' her to me. It also implies that they spent a lot of time together with is something you probably wouldn't do with a girl you're just using for sex.

Interesting, I thought the same thing but thought perhaps I was reading too much into his post. Anyway, the fact she went back to her ex while still trying to hang onto this guy would be the dealbreaker, IMO. Love happens, people do leave their partners for someone else. But this woman wants her cake and eat it too. She sounds desperate and crazy. Trouble.

[dickriculous]

Yes, and that's her mistake entirely, *her* actions are NOT the OP's responsibility (I mean it, I'm not being sarcastic).

But the OP made his own mistake, and he *is* responsible for his own actions: he slept with a married woman - without even being in love with her. I phrased it wrong, what I should have said is, "why did you allow yourself to sleep with a married woman". That's a shitty thing to do. Not only was she married and therefore he was an accomplice in the cheating, he also led her on, making her believe that they had "something", while in fact he was just using her for sex, knowing that he had an easy way out whenever he got bored with her. This is cowardly, selfish and dishonest. Obviously nothing good could have come from this, and how he actually expected otherwise is beyond me.

Sex and love don't always have to go hand in hand...no idea where people are getting the idea that it's morally wrong to act on that fact. Also, where does he say she is married? And calling him an "accomplice to the cheating" sounds like you're grasping for straws to continue talking shit on him. There is a thing called cheating and there is a thing called home wrecking, they are different acts and only one person commits each in any given scenario (unless we are talking about an orgy or something). OP is not the one who owes this chick's bf any loyalty. Even if they were married, he's not the one who pledged his life and heart to this guy. I mean, what he's doing kinda sux but to imply that it comes anywhere near cheating is just plain silly.

Also, where the **** are you getting the idea that he led her on and was using her for sex? Don't get me wrong, it could be true but OP gave no indication that it was, you're making blind assumptions and being WAY too quick to ascribe victim status to this chick. Acts of consensual intercourse are not an offender/victim dichotomy. Only Andrea Dworkin influenced extremists think otherwise.

[searock]

Sex and love don't always have to go hand in hand...no idea where people are getting the idea that it's morally wrong to act on that fact.

I agree with you. It is not the fact that he had sex with her without being in love with her that I think is morally wrong. It is the fact that he had sex for an year with the girlfriend of another man, and he wan't even in love with her, so it's not like he was "lovestruck" and "couldn't think straight" etcetera. He consciously decided it was a good thing to have sex with the girlfriend of another man, just for the sake of sex and nothing else.

Also, where does he say she is married?

I misread. She isn't married, but she does have (and did have) a boyfriend.

And calling him an "accomplice to the cheating" sounds like you're grasping for straws to continue talking shit on him. ... OP is not the one who owes this chick's bf any loyalty. Even if they were married, he's not the one who pledged his life and heart to this guy. I mean, what he's doing kinda sux but to imply that it comes anywhere near cheating is just plain silly.

He is an "accomplice to the cheating" because she was cheating and he helped her doing it. As I said, he is not responsible of her choice and her disloyalty to her boyfriend. He is responsible for his own actions though - he allowed himself to have sex with the girlfriend of another man.

Also, where the **** are you getting the idea that he led her on and was using her for sex? Don't get me wrong, it could be true but OP gave no indication that it was, you're making blind assumptions and being WAY too quick to ascribe victim status to this chick.

I never said she was a victim. If she had written a thread saying "why doesn't my ex lover text me back, I love him so much" I would tell her that she did a stupid and crappy thing by cheating on her boyfriend, that she should have been honest from the start and that at the very least she should now break up with him, because clearly she isn't in love with him - she doesn't even respect him.

But this is not the girlfriend's thread, it is the lover's thread, and I speak to him. You are right, I am making an assumption by saying that he emotionally led her on. I base this assumption on the information I have: she acts as if there once was an emotional connection between her and the OP, yet the OP never mentions that he was in any way romantically attached to the girl. He talks about her as a pest that just can't let go. At the very least, there was a drastic misunderstanding. She says that she loves him and misses him, so I assume they have said it to each other before. These are just assumptions and I might be mistaken, she might just be crazy.

Acts of consensual intercourse are not an offender/victim dichotomy.

I hope you now understand that this has nothing to do with what I mean/t.

Anyway, OP, if your question was "why is this happening?", may it just serve you as a lesson: do not sleep with women who are in a relationship with other guys. Nothing good comes from it.
If your question was "how do I make it stop?", the answer is easy if all she does is text you... block her goddamn number.

[dickriculous]

I agree with you. It is not the fact that he had sex with her without being in love with her that I think is morally wrong. It is the fact that he had sex for an year with the girlfriend of another man, and he wan't even in love with her, so it's not like he was "lovestruck" and "couldn't think straight" etcetera. He consciously decided it was a good thing to have sex with the girlfriend of another man, just for the sake of sex and nothing else.

Do you really see it as that much of a difference if he has a little extra oxytocin in the brain?

He is responsible for his own actions though - he allowed himself to have sex with the girlfriend of another man.

I understand this. My point is that it is very different from cheating, and not as terrible as you were making it out to be, for aforementioned reasons. Though this is probably one of the less important of the points I made.

I never said she was a victim. If she had written a thread saying "why doesn't my ex lover text me back, I love him so much" I would tell her that she did a stupid and crappy thing by cheating on her boyfriend, that she should have been honest from the start and that at the very least she should now break up with him, because clearly she isn't in love with him - she doesn't even respect him.

You may never have said outright that she was a victim but you are clearly ascribing victim status upon her when you say things like "he led her on, made her think there was something there, used her for sex". That's the offender/victim dichotomy I was referring to in my last post. There is no other way to interpret accusations like that. Yes, you are blaming her just enough to stop your argument from being one sided but you are also ascribing victim status on her. Blame and victim status aren't always mutually exclusive you know.

But this is not the girlfriend's thread, it is the lover's thread, and I speak to him. You are right, I am making an assumption by saying that he emotionally led her on. I base this assumption on the information I have: she acts as if there once was an emotional connection between her and the OP, yet the OP never mentions that he was in any way romantically attached to the girl. He talks about her as a pest that just can't let go. At the very least, there was a drastic misunderstanding. She says that she loves him and misses him, so I assume they have said it to each other before. These are just assumptions and I might be mistaken, she might just be crazy.

Fair enough. I simply refrain from making assumptions either way because I don't see enough information to make them. Like you said, she might just be crazy - it's not like it's especially rare for that to be the case.

If your question was "how do I make it stop?", the answer is easy if all she does is text you... block her goddamn number.

Well, here is something that we can without a doubt agree upon

[searock]

Do you really see it as that much of a difference if he has a little extra oxytocin in the brain?

If that is all that "being in love" is, then yes, otherwise I wouldn't have said it, would I?

My point is that it is very different from cheating, and not as terrible as you were making it out to be, for aforementioned reasons.

I wasn't making comparisons. I was just saying that what he did is wrong, who cares if what she did was worse.

You may never have said outright that she was a victim but you are clearly ascribing victim status upon her when you say things like "he led her on, made her think there was something there, used her for sex".

The point is that I am not talking about her, I am talking about him. I don't care if she was a victim or not - in a sense I guess she was, but she *chose* to be one, so it's not that simple. In any case, it's irrelevant. The point is that he treated her wrongly if, as I assume (maybe incorrectly), he made her believe that there was something beyond the sex, an emotional connection or maybe even "love", just so that he could sleep with her. That is being deceitful, and it's wrong. If he made it very clear from the start, and never told her otherwise, that all he wanted from her was sex and there was no emotional attachment whatsoever, then my assumption is incorrect, and she is just crazy to say those things now.