Please help me come out of this.

[anavisalwan]

Hello,
Please help me come out of this.

I got engaged 6 months back. Its a love alliance. Approx 5 months before our engagement, i came across few mobile bills of my wud be fiancé. Which told that he has been messaging at midnight with one of his female colleagues who is a divorcee.
When i confronted him about this he said the lady was making physical advances toward him. And he was just trying to shoo her away. I cudn't buy this story but still i had to agree with him. He also promised me that he won't ever message her again after this. But just last week, I again got hold of one of his mobile bills that showed that he has send few messages to her in 2 months prior to our engagement. When i asked him about this he said she messaged him and he had just replied. There was nothing wrong in his mind. He had cried a lot for past 4 days. In normal situations i wud have handled this But he is a brain tumor patient. When ever he get upset, tense or cry his condition gets worse. He lives alone because of his job. When his health deteriorates, i get so scared that i forget whatever he has done and reconcile with the fact that i have to accept everything for sake of his health. I knew about his health before our alliance and its my own decision to have this relation. BECAUSE I LOVE HIM A LOT. But i don't understand what shud i do when i get to know he is cheating upon me. If i talk about this he can't handle but if i don't i get frustrated. Plz help me what sud i do I am losing my trust on him. I am afraid i'll neither love him or respect him for what all he is doing to me. Do i deserve this for loving him? Or shud i accept everything because i love him

[TheCafeTerrace]

If he isn't cheating on you, then why should he feel tense, upset or cry when you ask him about it? And if he is cheating on you, should you feel obliged to stay with him for the sake of the tumour? Is the cheating not of his own doing? I know a little about being with someone terminally ill, the simple warning I was given at the time (by my girlfriend's mother of all people) was that if it isn't a good way to be in a relationship with someone healthy then it isn't a good way to be in a relationship with someone who's dying.

[vashti]

What do you mean when you say his condition gets worse when he is upset? Does his tumor grow? (I am doubting this is true, BTW, in case you were wondering.) Not all brain tumors are terminal or even cause problems.

Have you had independent confirmation he even HAS a tumor?

[Cerby]

Plz help me what sud i do I am losing my trust on him.

False - you clearly already don't trust him.