Boyfriend's sister in law acting weird

[gogop]

OK. Here's my story.

I am currently in a relationship that has lasted for almost 5 years. Things have always been good for us. We kept it going even as a long distance relationship but now we are having trouble because of a quite silly reason: his family.

More specifically his brother's wife. Since day one she made it clear for me that we would not be friends. She ignored me. She refused to speak to me for a couple of years although she would always try to sit next to me at the table so I would feel uncomfortable (it had become so awkward for me that I stopped attending family gatherings where she would be present). She embarrassed me in public by letting me lean in for a kiss and just changing her mind about it. She opened the door for me at my boyfriend's mom's house but did not respond to my hello and just walked away, without even acknowledging my presence (on numerous occasions).

I tried to understand what I did wrong and I tried being the better person and just ignoring the bad manners. I thought that if she would get to know me better she would change her attitude. She refused to exchange more than 2 lines with me. I even tried asking her for advice (she's older) but she got defensive about it and took it as an offense regarding her age.

I've brushed off the fact that she will never say hello to me if she doesn't have some witnesses. I've tried to forget the bullying (if we're at the table and I seem not to eat she will persistently ask me why I'm not eating and if I would like something else). Hell, I didn't make much of it when she started talking to my boyfriend about "His" wedding that he would have in the future, although I was right next to her and she hadn't spoken a single word to me all night.

Normally I would not give it too much attention but my boyfriend is really close to his family and that means I have to go through the whole unnerving experience at least once a week and it's frankly too much for me. He says there is nothing he can do about it and he agrees that it has become a problem in our relationship. I feel that she wants me out of the picture and that nobody is reacting. I feel hurt and although he seems to care there is nothing he is willing to do.

The most annoying thing is that now she seems to be hitting on him also. Calling him almost everyday for stupid reasons. When we're together she only talks to him. A couple of days ago, she came to us, ignored me and punctuated every question by using his name so that I would understand that I should refrain from answering. When I did, she acted like it did not happen. I sat between her and my bf at the table because that was the organized placement. She decided to move next to him because it was a better position and she explicitly told her husband to move because she wanted to sit next to my bf.

She picked lint off my bf's shirt. She tried arranging his tie. She talked about football just so she could know his opinion on this or that. She would constantly interrupt our banter with stupid things like offering him (just him) a peach that was on the table. If he wanted one he would have taken one, sheesh. I had told him she would try to do this beforehand so we talked and acted like we could not hear. She insisted 7 times. I couldn't believe my eyes. I thanked her nicely but refused so that she would realize how silly she was acting.

At one point I could not take it anymore. She offered him food of her plate. He declined but I told her that if he wanted he could have easily taken food from my plate as it was almost full and I was not hungry. And it would seem "more appropriate", as I put it.

What is she trying to do? I just don't know how to cope with this.

[searock]

How did she react when you told her the thing about the plate? She sounds crazy tbh... What does your boyfriend say about her? And the rest of his family?

[gogop]

She had a look of satisfaction on her face. As if she had wanted to get me all worked up. She seemed pleased with herself.

My boyfriend thinks she's weird but he also says there's nothing he can do about it. The rest of the family accepts her because she tries really hard to seem like the perfect daughter in law. Her husband was however phased about the whole "hitting on his brother" thing and by the end of the night he had switched chairs with her so that she would not be next to my bf anymore.

[cheekxs]

I think you are not being honest here.
I hate it when people only tell the bad of the other person but dont say notting
that they did.

Like they are a angel.

While often they are a bad bitch 2.

You dont have to lie about yourself but i will say in generaly people need to tell the whole
story or dont.

So what did happen in the beginning when you met her that she start acting like that?
Even thou i know woman are stupid often. They can just hate on each other cause they feel insecure or
cause they are jealous.

If you really did noting to her. :s Maybe she feels competition(even tho i think about what?cause she is married).
So she trys to intimidate you cause of her insecurity.
Or she see something in you that she dont have or that is the same as her and she feels threatened,

Anyways, its not your problem what she have. She is grown so she needs to talk to you as a adult
if there is a issue.

I would not keep holding back. I would start confronting her sometimes.
So she knows it have to end that childish crap of hers.

And what do your bf say about this? and her husband/?
What kind of stupid husband move so his wife can sit next to another dude?!

I think you need to stop acting like you are doing the best thing.
Ignoring is not a good option always.
Sometimes you need to confront and stand up for yourself.
Otherwise the other person may think you are like a carpet where they can shit and walk all over it.

And when she comes to your house she for shore need to respect you.
So no coming in if she cant respect you as also owner of the house.
If she speaks to your husband, you need to be there 2 and answer her and just keep talking
if you have something to say.
She dont make the rules anywhere.

And if you dont want to say hi to her, dont!
Start giving her some of the same so she can see that she isn't that special and you are a human 2. and dont
accept crap from nobody.

[gogop]

Nothing happened in the beginning. She was like this from day one and of course I was confused. I asked my bf what was wrong and he just told me she was jealous because his mom kept praising me in front of her. I thought that was petty and thought it would not last for years. Apparently I was wrong.

My bf thinks she is being exaggeratedly nice to him to impress his parents but they're not around when she does these sorts of things. I personally think she's histrionic and sees her relationship with him as more intimate than it really is. Either that or she has a crush on my bf which is inappropriate.

[searock]

She clearly has issues... there's nothing much you can do, is there, except for ignoring her as much as possible. Perhaps your boyfriend can talk to his brother?

[gogop]

I've done this and it was relatively effective until now. It's pretty hard to act cool though when she starts throwing herself at my bf and wearing dresses identical to mine that she had seen previously. She even bought herself an identical bracelet. Is she trying to appeal to my him?

My bf refuses to do anything about it. His brother might be on to something though because he seemed unhappy with her behavior.

[searock]

She is unstable and should seek help. Perhaps keeping this in mind when you are forced to interact with her will make it easier to keep calm. She has issues.

[cheekxs]

I dont know your personality. but i would confront her in middle of everyone for once!

about all this crap. How is it that your bf's brother dont lecture his slut!
its not normal.

I would for real confront her in front of everybody.

[vashti]

I think the problem lies (in large part) with your boyfriend's inaction. Why doesn't he draw appropriate boundaries? He is allowing disrespect of not only you, but also his brother. All he needs to do is to firmly tell this woman to knock it off, and that would be the end of it, yet he chooses not to. Instead, he allows her behavior to make you and his brother uncomfortable (and probably anyone else that is in the vicinity).

In other words, your problem isn't really HER. It's your BOYFRIEND.

[gogop]

He does not want to offend her in any way. He wants to maintain harmony within his family. He's not so sure that his brother is seeing what we're seeing so he doesn't want to address the subject.

I'm fine with that. I think he's afraid of her instability and the scandal she might make. She's a very loud person.

What I'm not fine with is him encouraging her with this behavior. He would just stop our conversation if she wanted to tell him something. It's usually non-sense. So now that we started ignoring her more and giving her the cold shoulder, instead of getting the message she insists.

I agree. my bf is part of the problem. but I just don't know what to do

[Boisdevie]

I agree. my bf is part of the problem. but I just don't know what to do

You tell him that unless he deals with the problem then the harmony in your relationship with him will evaporate.

[gogop]

I did. He said there was nothing he could do about it. Just ignoring her and cutting her short when she calls (and she does call...) but that doesn't seem to phase her.
She insists to the point of ridicule.

[cheekxs]

Yeah i think your bf is the only that need to put her in her place when she act like a whore towards him/

and i think her husband is a pussy idiot.
Cause he needs to put her in her place also!

[gogop]

Yeah i think your bf is the only that need to put her in her place when she act like a whore towards him/

Not exactly like a whore. More like a girlfriend. Asking for food off his plate and offering hers. Grooming him. Interrupting us when we talk... Trying to lure him in conversations