Your thread title is "Once a cheat always a cheat??" And the answer is "not necessarily". But a more appropriate question for you to ask is "indefinite number of times a cheat always a cheat??" (let's be realistic - indefinite is the right word here) And to that I would have to answer...probably. Infidelity is partly due to genetics and socialization...those aren't things by which people just stop being influenced.
Trying to change a man who flirts with the dark side of humanity is a trap that many women fall into and it can ruin them. Of course I understand the fascination that women have with these type of men, it's not like I've never chased the female equivalent. It can be refreshing compared to the irritating self-righteousness that all-too-often plagues the more morally upstanding. And the risk involved can be exciting. But the risk/reward ratio is all over the place, and how severe the consequences are if things don't work out is unpredictable.
Is it possible you stay with him an he treats you well and remains faithful? Sure. Less likely things do happen. I'm just sayin that nobody should be surprised if it doesn't turn out that way.
Thank you so much everyone. I value you advice and opinion.
He has asked me to marry him...
Last edited by Loutoo; 06-09-12 at 02:53 PM.
maybe you should start asking him really serious and deep questions.
Like what is the reason that you think you will not do those things anymore?
What have you learn about it? If i can not give you or dont give you sex when we are married how
will you handle that? etc.
He has promised to be faithful to me. I have told him he needs to be completely accountable and transparent in his action and whereabouts.
This seems exhausting but I need to build a level of trust and he needs to realise this is the ongoing consequence of making such bloody horrible choices in the past.
Last edited by Loutoo; 06-09-12 at 08:59 PM.
So... he made a promise to you that he's made and broken previously with other people... and you don't trust him but are willing to be very controlling and watch his every move to make sure he doesn't cheat on you.
What was your question, again?
If I were you, I'd make your wedding day when you're totally past the honeymoon period of your relationship. Something tells me you're not going to be anymore special then his ex wife or the stupid women who fell for his lines and went to bed with a married man.
He's not learned anything and I'd say he thinks telling you, and you still accepting him is you giving him permission to do what he's always done.
Has he been to see anyone professionally about his poor self-worth and his lack of personal boundaries and integrity? If no... then "Buyer Beware."
Good luck, I hope you never have to find out about his extra-curricular activities.
Wow...with a record like that, you are better off not taking this chance.