Why does he do this?

**cmp** · 31-08-12, 04:24 PM

I have a guy friend that I have known for 14 years. We occasionally, once a month or more, hang out going to the movies or out for coffee, etc. We text each other quite often as well. Im not sure what is going on between us. I guess I want to know if the things he says and does are normal friend behavior or if he wants more but wont say so.

Over the last 14 years he has given me money or paid for car repairs, paid for my daughters high school year books and stuff. He has put gas in my car for no reason, takes it to get washed etc. He pays for my meds if I dont have the money at that time because he doesnt want me to wait until payday. He never lets me pay for anything when we go out even though I have tried to contribute to the movies or dinner, or whatever we are doing. I never ask him to pay for some of the extra things he does for me, except for my meds because he doesnt want me to go without.

He always is telling me that my cat needs to hurry up and pass away...I know it sounds mean but my cat is old and he is allergic to them. He is never mean when he says it, more of a joking manner. He says as soon as she does he can come to my house to visit. He is always calling me hot and asks personal questions about intimate things and jokes about it all the time. Or atleast he says he is teasing. Sometimes it doesnt seem that way, it feels as if he is serious. Sometimes when we are out at the movies or hanging out he will put his arm behind the chair, pull my hair, all that jr. high flirting type stuff. He never lets me get out of his car without giving him a hug. Just the other day I noticed listerine in his car and asked him why he had it there and he said "in case you decide to kiss me" I just laughed it off because he teases all the time. I never know when he is serious or if he is. There have been times when I have left his house and he mentions when I get home or later on that he wished I would have stayed, and proceeds to talk about how he likes to cuddle and not let go at times. I dont go to his house often because he lives with his elderly dad to help take care of him and his sister.

I have never tried to initiate anything because I have just always thought he was a nice guy wanting to help me out. He has not had a girl friend or relationship in all the years I have known him and neither have I. Part of the reason I have not is because I am a single mom although my daughter just moved out of the house 6 months ago. There is so much more to mention but I dont want to go over 14 years of information. The first year we met however, we hung out almost every night during the summer when my 10 year old daughter spent the summer with her grandparents.

I am confused as to whether this is normal male behavior or if there is more meaning behind it. I know it all sounds confusing because its just as confusing to me. Any help would be appreciated.

**Ange Barnes** · 31-08-12, 05:24 PM

Mmm sounds like this guy is indeed interested but perhaps waiting for the practicalities of life to subside...ie the responsibility of his elderly father, your daughter moving away etc. - (waiting for the perfect timing for you both) However there will always be something to consider and what is 'perfect'? I say talk to him - good and proper. He may be shy and a real gentleman but how long are you prepared to put your life on hold - when there is so much potential between the two of you!

**TheCafeTerrace** · 31-08-12, 07:22 PM

He luuuuuuuuurves you.

**Maple1714** · 01-09-12, 03:32 AM

He is in love with you....but for whatever reasons of his own holds back? Talk to him. If he holds back much longer you might move on...

**HeartIsAching** · 01-09-12, 04:42 AM

He is very interested in you - maybe he even loves you... however, he's also afraid of how you'll react if he tells you, so he hints a lot.

One of you needs to grow a pair and say it.

**IndiReloaded** · 01-09-12, 02:09 PM

Everyone pretty much said it already. Based on your post I'd say he cares, perhaps even loves you. All those 'acts of giving' sure sound like it. Its a kind of Love Language, you know.

Sounds to me like he's giving you signals but isn't certain you are receptive to him as more than friends. Since you have a long friendship, he's probably not willing to risk the friendship unless he's sure you want to go there too. Do you? If so, you need to let him know.

**cheekxs** · 01-09-12, 11:11 PM

I dont know even tho you say you know him 14 years. I think its weird and dangerous for you to
take that much financially help from a dude that is in reality noting yours.

Also if you have a kid let him pay for her stuff ,that put you both in a vulnerable position and you may come to feel like you own him something when he ask for more.

So i think its good for yourself to draw a line also in your behavior towards people you have friendship with.

And i dont know , i get the impression that he make it sound like joke so you dont get mad.
\But maybe he is doing all of that just to get your trust and sex or opportunity to do what he plans to do.

I dont see much In-love action in your story. So i think its more creepy story.
And sometimes a lot of signs are there from the start that a guy is not good or his red flags but we often brush it of
to keep the idea that he is good and fine.
Like joke about when will your cat die, i think you mention it in you topic, cause you find it weird and wrong also, just as
we find it weird king of joke to make especially if its a cat you like.

An you "laughed off??" sounds to me like one more prove that you see the red flags but you keep laugh them of till they hit you
in your face.

I hope you dont feel like you own him some kindness cause he give you all of that financial help and stuff.

I would say, keep him as a friend at a certain distance. and stop taking his money and stuff.
If its not your dude he should not have that much input in your stuff.

**cheekxs** · 01-09-12, 11:17 PM

We as woman often say we did not know that a guy intentions where like that.

But often if we listing to the questions and the things they say and act in the beginning, we will get some important hints about what is
going in their mind to do with us.
So their intentions with us!

And about the money thing, that is how i role.\
So maybe you role different but i think it can have bad consequences the way you role.

Men have another way of thinking.

**cheekxs** · 01-09-12, 11:18 PM

how old are you guys

**IndiReloaded** · 02-09-12, 01:25 AM

Originally Posted by cmp

I have a guy friend that I have known for 14 years. He has not had a girl friend or relationship in all the years I have known him and neither have I.

I am confused as to whether this is normal male behavior.

Call me paranoid, but its abnormal for him to not have 'female companionship' for 14 years. Of course, you don't really know what he's doing the rest of the month, do you?

I'm wondering if this is a troll post. Seems off somehow.

**cmp** · 02-09-12, 03:48 PM

Not sure what a troll is, but I'm not one thats for sure. About the money issue, he helps me even when I dont ask. He paid for year books in high school because he felt she should have them. There have been times when I have struggled financially and he would help. We have attended the same church for many years and different churches as well. He had never once tried to get in my pants. just because he hasn't had a girl friend in all the time I have known him doesn't mean anything weird. He has been taking care of his almost 90 year old father. my adult daughter moved out of the house 6 months ago. Maybe now is the right time for something to develop. in 14 years so much more has happened between us than just a few paragraphs and I didn't want to write a novel.

**dreamer_piscean** · 02-09-12, 09:42 PM

Next time when he hint on the listerine, KISS HIM !

**bulrush** · 06-09-12, 12:19 AM

Yes I think he really wants to date you, and I think he didn't ask you out because he is testing the waters in various ways (by giving you money, helping you with things) and is waiting for a positive message from you. I think you should stop taking financial help from him, because that is only stringing him along. And you two should have a frank discussion on whether you two are going to date or not. Clearly, there is something holding him back from asking you on a date, so you need to bring this up. Maybe he is shy, maybe it is something else.

**cmp** · 10-09-12, 02:41 PM

So, I actually got the guts to ask him if I could take him to the movies. He said sure and I planned everything. He said he was along for the ride. I texted him the day we were supposed to go and seemed all good and well. Well I get home and I get a text message that he has been having stomach issues but really wants to go, but is afraid he could have the flu and doesn't want to give it to me. We text back and forth for a little bit and it clearly seemed to me that it wouldn't work for that night. I asked him we could try it again next week and he said it would be fine. He said he felt like a bum for having to cancel on me at the last minute, but really didn't want me to get sick if he was. I guess I am wondering if he just didn't want to go and said yes to appease me, or if he is just uncomfortable with a woman planning an outing or really could be sick. He did say the next morning he had the flu and was glad he didn't give it to me. I did mention to him that it would finally be my turn to call him an expensive date as that is what he says to me whenever we go to the movies....its somehow a traditional remark or something.

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