Why is it a hard decision

[tg1984]

So, quick backgroud...I used to be in a relationship for 8 years, 3 of which we were married. He was very controlling and didn't let me do anything or hangout with anyone, and was very jealous and we didn't really have the physical connection. I thought he would be a great dad, and so that was all I really thought about. We ended up splitting up 4 years ago. I then got into another relationship that was the total opposite. He is younger, physical connection is great, and things were going well. We have now been together 3 years, and living together, but ther are a lot of problems, but for some reason, I have such a hard time letting go. I feel like he can't be without me. I do everything for him, including waking him up in the mornings, laundry, cleaning, making lunch's, appointment, driving him everywhere (he has no license). His mother has baby'd him his whole life. He has never had to make food for himself, wake himself up - even when he didn't live at home, his mom would call him twice in the morning before work to wakt him up. Then she would make his lunch (he worked at the same place as his dad - so she would send his lunch with his dad), she would also call him every single night at 8:00 p.m. to chat about their day. Never missed a day - including valentines day, my birthday, she would always call. He'd complain that his tooth was sore - she'd book him an appointment. He is 24. I am 28. He is fun, we have a great physical connection - or at least we did. He isn't jealous - doesn't care who I hangout with. He is basically the total opposite of my ex. He plays video games all the time - which drives me nuts. He absolutely hates kids, and never wants any - I do. He thinks going out for dinner, or buying flowers is a waste of money. I feel like I am his mother. We recently moved away to a different province, where it is long distance from his parents. I was hoping this would help, which it has a bit - his mom doesn't call anymore except on weekends, but he is still doing nothing. I cut my foot the other day and had to get 5 stitches (my first time to the hospital every) and this was at 3:30 in the morning, and he wouldn't even come with me. I drove myself there, and came back - and he didn't even seem to care at all. I just don't understand why I feel like I can't leave because he wouldn't be ok withouth me. I do care for him, and he is basically my best friend, and I find it so hard to leave him. We don't fight, and we get along - but I feel like this isn't a healthy relationship, and that we are on 2 different levels. He can barely look after himself and hates kids, and I really want a healthy relationship where I feel like it's an equal partnership. I just can't imagine him not being in my life, but I am really getting tired of "looking after him". If that makes any sense. I'm not getting any younger either, and I need to figure something out soon. Does anyone have any advise, or been through this before. Everyone tries telling me it's pretty clear that I should leave. Even his best friend tells me that he is holding me back, and that I deserve better and not to be treated like a mother. I keep thinking maybe he'll change, but his best friend told me he's been like this since they were little kids, and he's never going to change. My best friend tells me that I am always trying to look after people and am spending too much of my time focussed on other people instead of myself. I just find it so hard to leave. I keep thinking he won't be ok without me or something. Like if I don't remind him to do things, he won't do them, but that is why he is the way he is, because his mom always did it and then I do it for him too....so he's never going to learn!!! I dunno, I just need to talk it out and figure out what to do.
Sorry for the long story.

[cheekxs]

You are divorced? and you have a younger guy?
where is the maturity in this story?

Its your own fault then.

Low self esteem so do something about that.

And how his parents race him should be first thing you have to get to know way before
having something with him . Cause that will tell you a lot about what you can aspect from him.

And you are "old" you need a grown up men and you need to grow up 2.
You are acting like a mom and a son that is ungrateful.

You dont just take someone just for one thing he do good you need to look at the whole package. duhhhh.
And i think cause you think he need you to be like his second mom, he treats you like that 2.

I think maybe he just saw a great replacement of his mom in you but only thing is he can **** you.
And you feel like you have to be that kind of woman so you saw a little boy for you to take care off.

You both need to grow up. you need to realize you are a old woman and not his mom.
And after you he will find someone else. And he is no baby.

As long as you keep that stupid thinking he will enjoy using you.
break it up or shut up ad sock it.

None of the reasons you give is about something good fotr you. Its al about you think he needs from you.
Work on your self esteem.

[smackie9]

This is your problem, you sit around and hope they become your dream guy. First off when you first start dating someone, you need to stipulate your relationship expectations....things like marriage, how many kids (if any), sharing finances, chores, compatibility. Just because you love someone doesn't mean the relationship is going to work out. You already saw the differences you should have called it quits ages ago. Same with your last relationship. You have already request that he makes some changes, but he isn't willing to, so have no choice but to cut him loose.

The OP made a valid point....maybe you should be taking a look at you lack of self esteem. This could be the reason you get stuck in type of situation.

[IndiReloaded]

The issue is Change. But change is good, its the transition that sucks. Do what is right for you, which, longterm will be right for both of you.

[cheekxs]

[QUOTE=smackie9;
The OP made a valid point....maybe you should be taking a look at you lack of self esteem. This could be the reason you get stuck in type of situation.[/QUOTE]

what is op?

[smackie9]

Other poster.......

[cheekxs]

hmm...okay