Need a Female Opinion

[jon1010]

My wife and I have been together for 7 years. I guess the past year or so, I turned into a lazy husband. I stopped showin her how much i cared (flowers, cards, etc), i still told her i cared, but I still screwed up. We separated about 3 months ago, and it was the best thing for me as a person, but not for our marriage. Being separated has really reminded me how much I do care for her, and has caused me to regret not doing the small things in life to keep our marriage goin. She is the one who asked for the separation...I did not want to at all. For the first 2 months, we didnt get along too well, each of us accusing the other of things that are childish. About a month ago, I really started realizing that a majority of our failure was due to me, so I started making changes, and we started getting along better, even went on a couple dates together. But...when I try to talk to her about our future she'll say "I dont know what I want". I dont want to move on...Ill keep trying for as long as it takes. Im confused because we both have so much fun the past couple weeks together, and shes being nicer to me than she has in years...Is she happy Im changing back to the old me, but still needs time and space to see it more? Or is she just happy to be "free'' from me and just enjoyin life?

[Cerby]

2 weeks isn't enough to convince her of a change. Keep doing what you're doing, but don't apply too much pressure. There is no magic formula to making her want to be with you again, just keep working on it.

[vashti]

I agree with Cerby. Two weeks of "nice" doesn't compensate for 7 years of indifference. You will have to demonstrate consistent, prolonged change to make an impression on her, I'm sure. Can you blame her?

[jon1010]

I dont blame her a bit...I guess Im just looking for some sort of hope for the future...I know its gonna be a long process. I know what I need to do once we get back together to help her see my change, but what can I do while we're separated?

[iamaninnocentma]

I agree with Cerby. Two weeks of "nice" doesn't compensate for 7 years of indifference. You will have to demonstrate consistent, prolonged change to make an impression on her, I'm sure. Can you blame her?

WTF, you agree with Cerby? Have you had a fall?

The title quite clearly says "Need a female opinion", and of course george micheal has to be there first with his usual pish.

[Angellic]

Well the fact she hasn't filed for divorce is probably a positive sign. Give her time, continue being the new and improved you, and hopefully at some point she will begin to believe you really have learnt a lesson. May take a while, though.

[cheekxs]

Dude are you for real?

You break a whole house and you think you can rebuild it too the same way it was in a couple of weeks? hahahahaa
How old are you?

And how can we know what she thinks, we dont know you and the history so stop asking stupidity to us.

You are in the situation you need to ask her!

And one thing i can say is a woman often take to much shit of a men.
And when a woman start acting like that, is cause you have damaged them to much.
And they hhave to protect their heart some how!

And first you get it all, but when you abuse it, and treat it bad, you need to walk a long road to try to fix some
of it that can be fix. So its better that you never go there.

She may act nice to keep the peace, or she want things to be cool, but the hurt is to much for her to act nice all
the way.

Instead of looking at what she do, start looking at the damage you did and how you really can fix it. Cause im
shore if she stays nice with you, you will do the same again after those weeks or worse.

I hope she gives you a hell of a time!
To shake you up! Cause i don't believe you are there yet!
Men act nice just to get the girl back. Only when they really realize and get help and change their way, they really change.

You need to be very very gentle with a woman's heart.
If you cant, stay away from it.

And the way you shrew up, needs more than that a kiss and dinner and all that crap.
Your sorry need to be from deep down the heart. your change need to be a life changing, and not a change to get her back so you can back to basic.

[cheekxs]

2 weeks isn't enough to convince her of a change. Keep doing what you're doing, but don't apply too much pressure. There is no magic formula to making her want to be with you again, just keep working on it.

He wanted woman's opinions. FAGGOT! know your place. with your stupid comments.

[cheekxs]

WTF, you agree with Cerby? Have you had a fall?

The title quite clearly says "Need a female opinion", and of course george micheal has to be there first with his usual pish.

whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahahahhaahahh ahahaahhahahahahahaahahhaahahhaahahahahahahahahaha hahahaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

[TheCafeTerrace]

Wow, some people are easily amused. I guess that's the one advantage of being as thick as Cheekxs.

But talk about over-compensating for repressed homosexual urges - honestly Cheekxs and iamaninnocentma, I know some great bars you should try out for when you've sexually liberated yourselves.

[Cerby]

WTF, you agree with Cerby? Have you had a fall?

The title quite clearly says "Need a female opinion", and of course george micheal has to be there first with his usual pish.

I am very surprised you get the humour from Arrested Development, you strike me as more of a "Family Guy" kind of person, no thinking, just poop jokes. As for cheekxs, I don't even bother anymore, she does a pretty solid job of insulting herself in every post.

[Boisdevie]

I love the posts from Cheekxs. Always cheers me up as it reminds me that there people in this world a lot less fortunate than me. Can I insult somebody and call them a faggot now?

[IndiReloaded]

2 weeks isn't enough to convince her of a change. Keep doing what you're doing, but don't apply too much pressure.

I agree with Cerby. Two weeks of "nice" doesn't compensate for 7 years of indifference. You will have to demonstrate consistent, prolonged change to make an impression on her, I'm sure. Can you blame her?

Dude are you for real?

You break a whole house and you think you can rebuild it too the same way it was in a couple of weeks?

She may act nice to keep the peace, or she want things to be cool, but the hurt is to much for her to act nice all
the way. Instead of looking at what she do, start looking at the damage you did and how you really can fix it.

You need to be very very gentle with a woman's heart.

Your sorry need to be from deep down the heart. Your change needs to be life changing, and not a change to get her back so you can back to basic.

Cerby, Vash and [sigh] Cheekxs are all correct. Sorry, but death by a thousand cuts isn't fixed with a band-aid. I've been where your wife is, and its very hard to come back from that emotional lack of trust.

Are you getting any sort of counselling? By what metric will you actually know you are meeting her needs? This is as much for your sake as for hers. Insist on a weekly date night and do some small act of kindness every day. I predict it will take several weeks (6 - 12 weeks) before she even starts coming around. Be prepared for her resistance and suck it up for at least that long. At some point you will need to start ensuring she is likewise treating you well, but fact is someone needs to extend the olive branch. If it was mostly your bad, then its for you to start the process. Good luck.

[jon1010]

I never expected 2 weeks to be long enough, very aware this could be a long process. We both have our own places alread, so i never felt like i needed to rush things. What i would like, is for some time in the future, for us to start over. Since we live near, but in 2 separate homes...id like to start "dating" each other again. Id like to start as fresh as we can...so i can try to make her fall in love with me all over again...as cheesy as that sounds. I was just curious about what a female thought about the situation, maybe give me some advice on ways to help the situation out...other than time, well aware of that.

[IndiReloaded]

Its not cheesy. I would have responded if my husband showed a true interest in changing his ways. Sometimes, it takes losing something you took for granted to realize how important it really is to you. Unless you have done something that is a complete deal breaker (i.e. seeing someone else or abused her), then carry on.

Since you seem sincere, I really suggest you get a couple of books: Love Must Be Tough (tho if you were neglectful, beware you don't emphasize this as it will backfire) and How To Date Your Wife. They may help you learn some new patterns. The first will teach you to interact with mutual respect (tho really, if your wife were posting I'd recommend the book more for her). The second will teach you to treat your wife like a woman you love. Good luck.

BTW - I changed my post above slightly. I used the words 'satisfying her' but its really about meeting her needs (and yours also eventually). Satisfying sounds a lot more arbitrary, which it certainly shouldn't be.