Is it normal for a relationship to be stressful and maybe even a bit obsessive?

[livingthedream]

Hi guys and girls.

So I've been official with my girlfriend for about 5 weeks now (not including the 5 weeks prior to that doing the whole casual dating thing). I guess that's perhaps not a long time to have known someone before being in a relationship with them, but it's fair to say that our relationship has progressed quite quickly.

Anyways, we live about 40 minutes apart, on opposite sides of the city to each other, and both have quite busy schedules with University and jobs around our local areas, so naturally we only get to see each other a few times a week. In contrast to this relationship, my last girlfriend and I were housemates before we dated, so naturally we lived together from day one, and spent most of our time together.

Anyways, here's my dilemma: when we're apart, I find myself thinking about her most of the time. And when I do think of her, its quite stressful, almost obsessive in a way. For example, I think back on past times with her (ie the last instance i spent time with her) and re-think the things i said and did around her, and sometimes think to myself that i may have said or did something silly, i.e told a lame joke, and as a result, i worry what she might have thought of that lame joke, when in reality, I know that she probably thought nothing of it, but I can't help but stress over it.

As well as things like that, when sending her a text message or replying to a text message of hers, for example, I find myself thinking too long of how to word the message so that it is perfect and most effective, i.e. i usually try to put a funny spin/humour on my texts. Again, I know this is silly, but I find myself unconsciously doing it.

I guess in summary, whatever the case with all this stuff, I find myself feeling a lot more stressed, and even sometimes a little down (what i would consider a feeling of mild depression) since having developed strong feelings for this girl. I did a bit of research on this topic on Google, and briefly skimmed over some article that seemed to suggest it has to do with hormones of being in love. Am I in love? Or am I just being unhealthily obsessive?

Can anyone relate to this?

Oh by the way, I will also mention that there have been plenty of signs from her that suggest she has quite strong feelings for me also, so at the very least, even if I am being a bit obsessive in this relationship, its not like I'm setting myself up for total heart break...I hope!

Cheers guys!

Always grateful for the help on this particular forum!

[smackie9]

Yes you are at the "honeymoon stage" of a relationship. And yes you are right it is a release of hormones like serotonin and dopamine to name a few, that's making you a bit crazy. The best thing to do is keep busy with other things, like hanging out with your friends, playing video games, or working out......it will give you a "boost" that will over ride those feelings a bit.

Obsessive is more like you hiding in the bushes watching her house, or texting her 1000 times a day asking her where she is and what she is up too, or asking her to reaffirm that she is still your GF or accusing her of cheating on you because you saw some guy post a smiley face on her FB page. When it gets to that then you have issues.

[livingthedream]

Yes you are at the "honeymoon stage" of a relationship. And yes you are right it is a release of hormones like serotonin and dopamine to name a few, that's making you a bit crazy. The best thing to do is keep busy with other things, like hanging out with your friends, playing video games, or working out......it will give you a "boost" that will over ride those feelings a bit.

Obsessive is more like you hiding in the bushes watching her house, or texting her 1000 times a day asking her where she is and what she is up too, or asking her to reaffirm that she is still your GF or accusing her of cheating on you because you saw some guy post a smiley face on her FB page. When it gets to that then you have issues.

Thank you very much for your reply Smackie9! You have made me feel a lot better about the whole thing.

cheers.

[smackie9]

No worries.....in about another 5 months things will start to calm down.

[livingthedream]

No worries.....in about another 5 months things will start to calm down.

God, another 5 months of this?! relationships are a strange thing, why do we put ourselves through this! haha

on another note, the other day my girlfriend was clearly bothered by something. i asked her to tell me what the issue was...turns out she too is feeling the same intense emotions, and has been worried by them for the past few weeks! i explained the whole deal to her, and how its natural etc, and then she felt better about things.

Thanks again!

[smackie9]

It will slowly taper off week by week....it will become less and less. Yes this is what happens when we fall in love lol.