Am I Bi? Does my wife suspect it? How do I tell her?

[dazed53]

For the last 10 years or so, I have gone back and forth on whether or not I could be "bisexual" or curious about sexual acts with guys. I have often fantasized about going down on a guy, and look at porn that includes those types of sex acts as well. I have never had an actual experience with a man, but am extremely curious about the act of giving oral sex. However, I am married to an amazing woman, who grew up conservatively and isnt as open minded as I would like. Shes not homophobic, but doesnt have much exposure to these types of things. Recently, my urges to experiment have gotten intense, and frequent. I find myself talking to quite a few female friends, and even family members about my situation in regard to my sexual orientation. I really want to tell my wife, but I am scared beyond belief that she will not understand, and freak out on me. To be quite honest, the fact that I have never had an actual experience sexually may not mean I am bisexual, but I do know that the urge to give oral sex is intense.

How do I tell my wife i have fantasies about men? Is there a way to somehow "gauge" her reaction, to see how she might react..or if she currently suspects anything? it should also be noted that I get teased all the time, and have been teased all my life because people think i am gay, or have those tendencies.

Ultimately, what I would like out of this entire situation is acceptance. My end goal is her accepting this part of me. I have really hated myself for the last how many years because of these urges. I look at a man, and immediately think of how nice his penis might look , or taste..or feel inside of me. Up until lately, the urges were just for the penis..but now..they are towards a certain guy. They have grown in a sense. I get very nervous and anxious around him, not to mention very aroused. Problem is, he is the husband of my wifes best friend.

The other reason I want to know what she thinks is because every now and then, she will make little jokes, or comments that indicate to me she suspects something at the very least. She will randomly ask me if I am gay, and play it off as a joke..then when I ask her if she thinks I am, she says “ Cant you take a joke, I am just giving you a hard time”.

[cheekxs]

You know marriage is something holy and you need to keep it that way in order for it to success also!

And i think you need Jesus for real. so he can help you get away from those immoral ideas.

And its bullshit to say you are afraid she will not understand or get mad and stuff.

If it where you in her shoes, what would you do? Its normal that she will react mad and use.

I think you need to talk with her first about thinks like tis instead of with your paws and family. Cause they are not the ones that
have put their heart and trust in you and sleep with you thinking you are normal.

Your wife is the one that will be hurt and have to deal with it all.
So i think first thing to do today is sit and talk to her.
And if you want to go on that road sad it clearly, and it will end in a divorce.

AI think its better then you drawing her into your immorality.

And that's why porn is not okay. And you need to stop watching them
Cause you watch them that much and started to watch them , they are starting to become a part of you.
And that's not good!

And i always think , we as human need to do our best not to do bad stuff.
And for shore its better for us not to walk such and some dark paths. cause
it damage your whole body and soul, and the way back is many times almost impossible!

And homosexuality is one of those things that once you start it, the way back is almost impossible!
Cause it breaks also your soul and mind and body, for you to think and act in such a way.
Cause its not how you are made. God made you a men , to be with a woman!

So pray to God to save you from those bad desires and stop watching porn and especially gay stuff!

[cheekxs]

I dont think you are bi. i think you became a slave of your own curiosity to watch gay stuff.etc.

So you still can leave it with Gods help if you want.
Before you end up deep into it.

[cheekxs]

slave/victim

[Boisdevie]

Excellent advice there. We all know that talking to the sky fairy is a 100 percent guaranteed way of staying 'normal'.

In reply to the OP, if you have not already talked to your wife about your respective fantasies then I honestly don't think this will go down well at all. Sexually she sounds repressed and if this is the case then chances are she'll completely freak out over this one.

[dazed53]

Oh gosh, i hope you are wrong. Do you think she has any idea? Do you think i was wrong by talking to others?

[TheCafeTerrace]

Another ignorant rant from cheekxs, the resident homophobe - don't listen to a word mate.

Firstly, bisexual or not, cheating on your wife with anyone (man or woman) will not be ok, so don't do it. If you really want to be with a man or another woman you either need to either break up with your wife or come to some sort of arrangement where she consents or is even involved. Anything less is dishonest and unfair on your wife.

Now, it does sound like you're bisexual at least (people, such as myself, sometimes lie on a spectrum - google the 'Kinsey scale'.) I would find a way to tell your wife if I were you, because clearly it's tormenting you inside. You can't live the rest of your life like that. I bet she's more open-minded than you think, she could even be trying to give you an opening to tell her by making these little jokes. Maybe you can start by saying something like "how would you feel if I told you that I sometimes have fantasies involving men?" and go from there, make sure she knows that you still love her and find her sexy, if that is indeed the case. You have to respect her enough to let her know the truth, no matter how scared you are she won't understand (though I suggest you make her understand if she doesn't initially).

Learn not to hate yourself. You were made like this, your urges are not unnatural or wrong. You need to stop feeling ashamed of your own desires or you'll drive yourself to insanity.

Telling your wife might be the best thing you ever do, maybe you can both become incredibly open and experimental with your sex-life which will bring you closer together. There's a reason why stap-ons are popular sex toys - the fantasy of being ****ed in the arse by a cock is not uncommon even among heterosexual men, but only the ones brave enough to admit will ever get a chance to enjoy it. It's sad how many people go through life repressing themselves, don't be one of them. I have never, ever, ever come across anyone who has regretted coming out... EVER!

Pray to God if you want to, but pray for the strength to be honest with your wife, pray that your wife will understand and accept you, pray for a way to be able to love yourself the way you are.

[TheCafeTerrace]

Oh gosh, i hope you are wrong. Do you think she has any idea? Do you think i was wrong by talking to others?

Tell me this - when you told the others, did you feel worse about the whole situation, or did you feel like a weight had been slightly lifted off your mind?

What if the others have already mentioned it to your wife, or at least hinted at it? AND, what if your wife has already accepted it to some extent, but is waiting for you to drum up the courage to be open with her?

[dazed53]

While telling the others..i felt a little bad about it, but also a weight lifted off..but heavily sexually aroused. is that weird? I hope shes ok with it

[cheekxs]

Another ignorant rant from cheekxs, the resident homophobe - don't listen to a word mate.

Firstly, bisexual or not, cheating on your wife with anyone (man or woman) will not be ok, so don't do it. If you really want to be with a man or another woman you either need to either break up with your wife or come to some sort of arrangement where she consents or is even involved. Anything less is dishonest and unfair on your wife.

N.

i only see one ignorant rant and that is you. and its so retarded to keep reply the same every time you see my reply.
don't like it don't read it . but you keep coming to it like a dog. seems like you like it but can handle it .

don't put your insecurity's on other people.

you are to ignorant to face the truth.
don't bother reply to me, cause i did not ask you any question!

[TheCafeTerrace]

i only see one ignorant rant and that is you. and its so retarded to keep reply the same every time you see my reply.
don't like it don't read it . but you keep coming to it like a dog. seems like you like it but can handle it .

don't put your insecurity's on other people.

you are to ignorant to face the truth.
don't bother reply to me, cause i did not ask you any question!

The reason I reply to you every time is because I don't want the vulnerable people who come here for help to be exposed to your bile without contention. And I will keep doing it every time I see your bigoted posts. Partly because I enjoy it, and partly because I think it's a moral task. I'm appreciative that you're so stupid, because it makes lashing out at your posts so much easier.

Know that your mere existence repulses me, and if it were up to me I would ban you from this website for your persistent homophobia.

[TheCafeTerrace]

While telling the others..i felt a little bad about it, but also a weight lifted off..but heavily sexually aroused. is that weird? I hope shes ok with it

That's not weird at all. I felt the same when I first started coming out about my sexuality. BTW, I have come across women who love strapping on a dildo and doing their husbands/partners in the arse and forcing them to give 'blowjobs' to the strap-on.

[cheekxs]

That's not weird at all. I felt the same when I first started coming out about my sexuality. BTW, I have come across women who love strapping on a dildo and doing their husbands/partners in the arse and forcing them to give 'blowjobs' to the strap-on.

I knew there was something weird with you, looking at the way you react . i knew you had some issues with you.
sad

[TheCafeTerrace]

I knew there was something weird with you

Yeah, it's called sexual liberation. You should try it sometime if you ever get over your hateful ignorance.

[Boisdevie]

Yeah, it's called sexual liberation. You should try it sometime if you ever get over your hateful ignorance.

It aint' gonna happen. I just hope she's sterile. The idea of such bigots breeding makes me go all shuddery.