Settle or Hold Out?

[BellaRomance]

I had a conversation today with a friend that stated everyone settles at some point. Is this true? Are there people that give up on finding someone that makes them at least 75% happy most of the time, just to get married and have a family and possibly end up miserable? I'm 35 and I am determined to find someone that makes me happy. Having someone to split the bills and the responsibility of raising kids with is cool - but it would be nice to do that with someone you truly love and are compatible with. Is anyone settling or know someone that's settling?

[Lily_of_Isles]

I think what they meant is that no one is absolutely perfect, and you'll have to tolerate some flaws in whomever it is you mary. You can try to hold out for he perfect girl, but that day may never come. You don't want to wait forever for a fantasy to come true. as long as you're realistic about it, you'll be alright.

[gotexans12]

Yes no one is perfect man.

[IndiReloaded]

Settling implies getting less than what you want. That's not the same as having reasonable expectations.

All healthy relationships involve some compromise. Yes, 'perfect' partner doesn't exist. Live with someone long enough and they will drive you batshit crazy on some issue(s). The glue that holds you together during these times are the good things about your relationship. On balance, good times >> bad in a healthy relationship. Mutual respect, support, a sense of humour and genuine fondness for each other. Find someone you can feel this for. Cultivate those things together and you'll weather the difficult times.

[Boisdevie]

If you've hit 35 and not been married or had a long term relationship then I'd say perhaps your expectations are way too high.

[haxan]

Hold out, but yes, have realistic expectations. Prioritize things that are important for 'you' in a relationship and look for men who fit that profile.

To answer your question, the majority of marriages either end or have unhappy participants. By majority, I mean more than half. I think the divorce rate is close to 50 percent, throw in people that are separated or have mentally 'checked out' but are still in it and yes, the odds are not in favor of a great marriage.

Good luck though

[BellaRomance]

Very well put. I guess it's only understandable that at some point, you will have to compromise and as long as you have a healthy balance, there's hope. I will be waiting it out for my healthy balance!

[BellaRomance]

I've had long term relationship but the older you get, your expectation are different.

[BellaRomance]

Yes, very true, which I believe a lot of people settle! and it eventually comes to an end.

[Maple1714]

I have a friend who just got married and said the same thing to me...that she thinks everyone "settles" to a point. I don't know...I sure as hell don't want to settle.

[VincenzoG91]

"Dans ses écrits, un sàge Italien
Dit que le mieux est l'ennemi du bien."

--Voltaire

[IndiReloaded]

Yep, law of diminishing returns that.