Rate my chances of getting back with my ex! :D

[Derpy]

Hey guys,

Might be a bit of a long story but if you read it all you are a legend.

A month ago my girlfriend broke up with me (god time flies fast). Just for a well rounded opinion from whoever reads this, I'll give some backstory.

I started regularly talking to my ex in year 12 (although we've known each other since year 6) - I started liking her immediately but she had a boyfriend at the time, so that sucked. Anyway, I plugged away for a year and by the end I was a major reason she broke up with him. I guess I was 'chasing' her for 7 months (we had developed an extremely good friendship over this time, I do consider her the second closest friend I have).

Then we started going out and stuff and it was great. It was bags of fun. We ended up going out for 21 months in total. Our relationship was very good. As with most, we had a couple of fights but it was mostly petty shit that was resolved at that time or the next day. I only remember 3 or 4 really big fights that dragged out over more than 2 days where we might not speak to each other, or there was lots of tension.

Towards the end of the relationship I believe we lost a lot of intimacy, which I think is a major reason she lost passion for me. She is my first girlfriend and I have spent my entire life liking girls and being rejected because I'm a bit tubby/not hugely confident. She helped me a lot with this, as over the 7 months I liked her I lost 15kg because I wanted her so bad, but im still not "normal". I'm still slightly big. Anyway, in the sack all I wanted to do was to please her, but it seemed like that all she wanted was to please me. This would usually work out well but every single time it would involve in me finishing first instead of her. This is mostly because she couldn't finish from just normal sex, I would have to literally finger her for about an hour to get anywhere near that kind of thing. Anyway, she would often pull my hand out and want traditional sex rather than me trying to finish her, so I just went along with that. But after a while it really bore down on me that she never got to feel really great and I lost confidence.

Anyway, like a dork, one morning we were having sex and I got sad thinking about it, so I lost my erection and just thought I'd be honest - are you bored? And she got pretty upset at this because she thought she was the one being boring because I lost my excitement etc. etc. anyway probably going into too much detail here but that's the gist of it. So my personal opinion of my appearance plus this was pretty bad. She gave me a timeframe of when she started to have doubts about the relationship, and I think it was around this time.

SO! move forward a month or two and she breaks up with me after being on holiday and hanging around a lot with this one guy (it was a university party thing). She had slept in the same bed as him but nothing happened (and I do believe her, she would DEFINITELY not doing anything like that. She made a massive point of it with her old boyfriend and me, and he was a moron, so since I'm much closer I would think she would give me the same respect). There was a reason for her sleeping there as well, because her friend was having sex with some dood in her bedroom, so she had to go somewhere else. I was not happy with this one bit but I didn't want to start an argument as she said she was very sorry and, given the circumstances, I let it slide.

Anyway now she is seeing this guy a lot, pretty much straight away. They have hooked up a few times (only kissing so far I'm led to believe - one week after we broke up I also said that she is allowed to do whatever she wants with whoever she wants, no barriers here. It was hard to do but I figure the faster she gets in a relationship, the faster I might get a chance). He is a very confident guy, I can tell. He isn't that attractive physically at all but he is confident. I feel like this is what is attracting her to him, obviously. However, nearly ALL of my friends have known him before (I haven't) and have said hes a massive douche, hes very rude, etc. etc. (people who I'm not that friendly with have said it too, so my friends aren't just saying it to protect me. Besides, they wouldn't lie either). All of this makes me think that its just a serious rebound.

My behaviour during the break up was very restrained, I listened completely to all of her points, I was not desperate or clingy, I simply asked if she would like a break rather than actually breaking up and she didn't want that, so I left it like that. Since the breakup I have not spoken to her AT ALL apart from at mutual friends' parties. No texts/emails/anything - I'm pretty proud of this haha. However when we do see each other at parties its so easy to talk to each other, we make each other laugh a lot, its very easy going. It's really easy for us to be close, because we know each other so well and just have such great chemistry.

One other thing I noticed last night was that we were very chatty, however she saw me texting another girl and after that she took off. She didn't really initiate conversation with me after that, but before that she seemed very keen to talk to me, so I'm quite glad I got that reaction. It wasn't really obvious and I might just be imagining things but that's what I thought.

My gameplan for going forth is to keep the no contact outside of mutual gatherings as I know there will be quite a few happening later on this year. I particularly do not want to interfere with the "honeymoon" period of her new relationship. When we are at gatherings I think I need to talk to her slightly less, as at the most recent one we talked for aaaaages and I feel like it's a bit too much. I'm currently going to the gym 6 times a week and have a fantastic routine going with my mate, getting good results, and aim to be looking very fit by the end of the year. People have already started complimenting me that I looked slim, looking very good etc. (my ex hasn't yet, however, hopefully she noticed..)

I think now I look back I have gained a lot of self confidence just from hindsight. But by going to the gym there will be a good visual impact of this, while also piquing her interest again in me. That's my aim anyway.

Cliffs
- Extremely good friends, chased her for 7 months, was a big factor in her breaking up with her then current boyfriend
- Very good relationship
- Broke up a month ago, she didn't cite any real reasons, just it wasn't the same, but I'm 99% sure it was due to my lack of confidence and therefore lack of intimacy/romance
- On an instant rebound with a confident guy
- No contact outside of mutual gatherings
- Still very easy to talk to, make each other laugh very easy
- Going to gym 6x a week to get my self confidence and have a visual representation of my new confidence. Using it as a tool to get her interested in me again (yes I know a body is not going to make her love me).

If anyone reads the whole thing I will actually paypal you $2. No joke.

But please let me know what you think. Have I done anything wrong so far?

[Derpy]

Also- answers saying "let it go" are not helpful/not rating. I hellbent on at least giving this a shot.

[Derpy]

shit, wrong forum, sorry guys.

[chrysalis]

hahaha...nice one

[weathergirl]

First, well done on losing weight. I lost 20 kilos and it was not easy at all!!
I would say, if you are making efforts at the gym do it for yourself first, not someone else. The danger with doing this for someone else is the huge disappointment if your efforts dont have the intended outcome you were looking for, maybe this is not what you want to hear, and I hope it does turn out how you want, but do it for yourself.
My ex left me about a year and a half into our relationship for someone else, more confident, more happy, prettier. He thought he'd found America. A few months later he came back with his tail between his legs. I don't know what happend, but he said he had a "bad experience". He told me he's realised he won't find someone else like me. That relationship was a joke, but, the point I am making is that people get bored, they think the grass is greener but in reality it is not.
If it was meant to be, she will come back to you. She will realise what she lost. If other people are saying this guy is a jerk, there must be a reason why they are saying this.
I hope it works out for you, and I hope you get together again. Just dont sit and wait for her and make these efforts solely for her - do it for you, and if she comes back for the right reasons - then that's a bonus.
I wish you well.

[Derpy]

Thanks weathergirl

I have that mentality to an extent. I'm using her as my motivation mainly, simply due to the emotional stress im going through and the need to channel it. But even if it doesnt work out, I'll be very healthy and have achieved something I've wanted to for the past few years (before she was even in the picture). Plus, I'll have a much better chance at whoever else may come along. So it's definitely more overarching than this one woman. I kind of lost sight of that over the past couple of weeks so thankyou